The Surrogate

Beyond The Friend Zone

Wednesday October 27th, Switzerland.

Holly descends the stairs with trepidation in every step. This feels really weird....beyond weird and she can't quite believe the thing that she's got to tell Seb. Today's the day or tonight's the night, whichever time it ends up happening. All she knows is that today, it has to happen.

She feels like she's floating as she makes her way through the lounge and then the kitchen. She can barely remember coming down the stairs already, everything is a blur except for the smiley face on the ovulation test she's done. Having sex with Sebastian Vettel is now all she can think about and she's dreading it turning into that awful, cringey, awkward sex that's been plaguing her mind for weeks.

She comes to a standstill in the conservatory, Seb is going through his training routine with Antti in the garden as it's an unusually mild day for the end of October.

It's almost as if they're communicating telepathically when he stops the work he's doing with a resistance band and looks her way. She watches as he says something to Antti and then jogs towards her.

He's worried by the nervousness that's written across her beautiful face and already knows what she's going to say before she even opens her mouth, "you've done the test, it's time, right?"

She swallows. He's looking so damn sexy without even trying in his grey t-shirt that easily shows the sweat on his chest and under his arms and a pair of black shorts. If they weren't locked in this current arrangement and she wasn't a surrogate then she'd be begging to have his babies. She nods and can barely get out a "yes," in response. All of a sudden their situation has just got incredibly real.

He steps closer and gently holds her by the tops of her arms, he's trying to give her a reassuring smile but he's feeling the nerves too. In a way this 'event' will be more about himself than it will her, he's the one who's got to do the most 'work' and the end result might well depend on his performance. If he can't get it up then there's no chance of her conceiving naturally. "I'll be back in a minute," he then turns and jogs back outside to Antti. "We've got to end the session," he says as he stops in front of his puzzled looking PT. From this moment on the day has to be about Holly, he's got to try and make her feel relaxed but he also wants to make today special for her. "Somethings come up," he adds by way of explanation. Something really had better come up later on, he's kind of relying on that to happen. No sex equals no baby.

"Oh, sure." Antti's kind of surprised but then he guesses and breaks out into a big, teasing grin, "ah this is about your little trip to Zürich isn't it, she's at peak fertility right now, huh?"

Seb rolls his eyes as he begins picking up various bits of equipment from the grass, "yes and I need to clear my day for her so......" he trails off and points towards the conservatory in a huge hint for Antti to leave.

"Understood," he replies with a not so subtle wink at the end that makes Seb wish that he'd never said anything about surrogacy to him in the first place, back in August. Then he notices how tense Seb has suddenly become, how he seems nervous. "Good luck Seb, I hope it goes well and you get the result you need. I mean that."

Seb dumps two small kettle balls into a large duffel bag and then turns to his PT to give him a brief hug and his thanks. Antti's support means a lot to him, just as the support of Britta and his family do too.

It's not long before Antti leaves and it's now just the two of them, standing opposite each other in his kitchen. Things feel comically awkward, like two people who haven't got the faintest idea what they're doing or who the other person is. They both feel as if they've got to start again from scratch and re-introduce themselves to each other.