The Surrogate

A friend in need

Thursday October 13th. Switzerland.

"How's my beautiful girl hmm?" Seb smiles happily as he lifts his little girl out of her crib, the nearly three month old having just woken up from a long nap. He can't stop himself from nuzzling his nose in her silky, fine dusting of sandy coloured hair and breathing in her scent, it's a habit he's developed over the past weeks and one that will be impossible to break. Emilia grizzles as she's cradled against her father, having woken up hungry and he carries her down the stairs, heading straight to the kitchen where he's already got a bottle of pre-made formula milk warming in the bottle warmer.

It's been a hectic few weeks since his trip to London with races in Singapore and Japan, both resulting in points finishes. While he'd got as much out of the car as was possible, it's pace is still nowhere near where he'd like it to be and with only four races left before the end of his Formula One career, development focus is now fixed to next years car which will be driven by Fernando Alonso. It kind of stings, he's given the team so much information and feedback over the past two seasons, which they've put into the soon to be named AMR23 and he won't get to benefit from that but then the baby girl in his arms reminds him that he's made the right decision, he wouldn't swap being a father for anything - not even being in a Formula One car.

As Emilia begins to get impatient, he gently pats her nappy covered behind and quietly shushes her before telling her, "papa hat nur ein paar hände."

Nuzzling and kissing her head, he stares at the bottle warmer, waiting for the green light to come on which will tell him that the milk inside is at the correct temperature. Not for the first time, he thinks about Holly and wonders why she never used the convenient gadget, he wouldn't be without it at the moment. His heart sinks a little; she's missing out on so much, from cuddles and bath times to just watching Emilia change as she grows. Her first smile had been a magical moment that he'd been so thankful that he'd got to witness. He'd returned home on the early morning flight from London after he'd seen Holly and Emilia had smiled at him the second he'd seen her and she'd heard his voice. Even Stefanie hadn't seen her smile beforehand so they both knew it was her first real smile. It was as if Emilia had been saving the moment for him to return home and had given him the best welcome home ever.

Now she has her first passport and she'll be accompanying him to the last races of his career, along with his sister and their father, Norbert. It's another milestone for him, her first flight on a plane and her first visit to an F1 race. Once the season ends then flights will be a lot less common and he's already got a few plans in his mind of how he can take her travelling as well ideas of his own that will help to keep him busy but not so busy that he'll find it difficult to juggle fatherhood and work.

The green light finally appears on the bottle warmer. It may have taken only around four minutes but it feels like it's taken forever with a hungry baby waiting.

Plucking the bottle from the warmer, he wipes the outside of it on his sweatpants, ridding it of the droplets of warm water. He heads to the lounge and sits down, putting the bottle down briefly so he can get Emilia positioned how he wants her in his arms to feed her. She goes quiet, her mouth open slightly as if she knows she's about to be fed. She reminds him of a little baby bird with its beak open, ready to be fed by one of its parents. Removing the lid, he checks the warmth of the milk on his inner wrist, just to double check it's not too hot.

As he feeds her, it feels like the house has fallen into total silence, it's so quiet it makes him feel like his ears are ringing and the silence actually makes him feel lonely. He's read before how parents of young babies can feel lonely and at times isolated and now he's getting a taste of how it feels.

Should have asked a friend over - he thinks to himself. There's a couple of friends who he hasn't seen for ages - maybe I should call them?