Memories || Bucky Barnes

Chapter 2

1944
My research was finally being recognized among labs full of men, including Howard Stark. It was good to finally have someone (besides my husband) listen, pay attention and believe to my ideas and what I had to say.

The past 3 years had been very good for my work, but not so good for my marriage. Bucky had been back only once during this time and that was only for a few weeks because he was injured. We had exchanged hundreds of letters in the meantime. He was working closely with Steve, or the new Steve, since he had received Stark's experimental supersoldier serum.

Steve being a supersoldier, Captain America as they called him, meant that he was going into fights others normally wouldn't. However, Bucky has been following him everywhere so I was constantly very worried whenever he wrote me that they had another mission planned.

1945
"Are you sure he said that?" Becca asked me surprised

"You can read it yourself if you want" I answered as I handed her her brother's letter

"There is one last classified operation planned for early next year and when that's over, I'll be back home for good. I miss you" she read

"I received it two days ago and the date on the top says December 24th, so I'm expecting him any day now"

"You should, it's almost February" she complained and I chuckled.

"How is working with Stark?" she wondered

"Oh, it's great"

"Just great? Any more information?"

"You know I can't give you more. You remember the noise that the security breech caused 2 years ago, and they're still not sure how many things and research papers were stolen or copied. Everything is still classified now" I reminded her

"Right, sorry" she replied.

The door bell rang and I almost jumped. He was home! I rushed to the door. But it wasn't Bucky on the other side. It was Steve, alone.

My smile faded when my eyes landed on the folded flag in his arms. I looked back at his face and I noticed the tears in his eyes. My heart sank.

"No..." I whispered

He looked at me but didn't say anything. I looked away and I shaked my head.

"No..." I repeated, as tears filled my eyes too. "No, no... That is not..." I insisted, but a sob interrupted me. This couldn't be true.

Becca came to the door with me and saw me looking at Steve. "Where is Bucky?" she asked clueless.

"I'm really sorry" Steve said

"No..." she sobbed.

"Becca, please, go..." I said, trying to keep myself together.

She nodded and left crying. She headed to my in-laws house.

I put my hand on my chest. I tried to calm down and breathe.

"3 years ago he made me promise that if anything happened, I was going to be the one to tell you. He wanted you to know that he loved you and that he always did everything in order to return home to you" Steve explains

I nodded and I sucked up my tears, no matter how much my chest was hurting.

"How?" I asked

"We were on that last mission. We landed on a moving train, went inside and the battle started. But we didn't expect a robot to attack us. Zola's robot made a hole through the train and Bucky got thrown outside. He did manage to hold onto a metal pole by the side of the train at first, and I tried to help him back inside but the pole gave out. He fell into the the Danube River"

"And his body?" a sob escaped my lips

"I wanted to go back, but no one can go down there" he answered.

"Thank you for... for coming... and telling me..." I tried to seem strong but as I said that few last word my legs started to give up.

Steve caught me and helped me get to sit down. That was when the tears started rolling uncontrollably.

"My Bucky... This can't be real... This isn't fair... He was supposed to come home... We were going to start a family..." I sobbed as I held my chest

"I'm so sorry Emily. It should have been me" Steve said

"No. No. He protected you his whole life, he wouldn't let you go first. That was what I was scared of everyday".

"If you need any help, I can stay for a few days. But then I have to go back to London" he offered

"Yes, thank you".

I turned my head and looked at our wedding photo across the room. That was when I finally broke down screaming.

~

Bucky's funeral was two days later. Becca was trying to hold herself and her parents together, and Steve was trying to, at least, keep me standing.

I couldn't look at Bucky's pictures without crying and I couldn't stand another woman telling me that she knows how I feel.

"No, you don't know how I feel. We got married right before he left for war. I got to see him only once in the last 3 (almost 4) years. We talked about how much we wanted a family over letters! He was on his last mission! He was coming home! We were finally going to live as married and have a family! And suddenly all that got taken away! So no, you don't know how it feels!" I wanted to yell to everyone.

Two more weeks later, the news that 'Captain America was lost after defeating HYDRA' hit the world.

Everyone was slowly leaving me...

But I had to keep going. They had given their lives so we could keep going. Bucky always wrote to me that if anything happened, I should not get stuck and I should do what makes me happy.

So I decided to return to work and to my lab. Everything was as normal as they could be until I got an invitation from Mr. Stark to join another classified project.

"Finding Captain America
and retrieving the Tesseract"

Of course, finding Captain America, his guinea pig. No words about the rest soldiers that were lost...

Stark was hoping that after Rogers' ship crashed in the Antarctic, his body could be preserved due to the temperature there, the ice and his modified DNA by the super soldier serum.

That theory sounded plausible to me and it intrigued my interest, so I ended up accepting his new offer.