Memories || Bucky Barnes

Chapter 25

My whole body is shaking as I wait outside of the cabin. Steve said they're coming but the funeral is starting in a few minutes. I keep pacing back and forth on the front porch. Every little sound I hear, I think it's them coming.

My heart is racing from anxiety. I start feeling suffocated in my simple black dress and I pull the neckline down slightly, while keeping my hand on my chest.

Simple black knee-length dress, black trenchcoat and black ankle boots. That's the most presentable funeral outfit I could come up with this morning when I learned the aftermath.

My emotions are all-over the place. Nat is gone. But my Bucky is back, and I feel guilty for being happy about the second part.

"Emmy..." Bucky's voice makes my knees weak.

I walk off the porch as he approaches with Steve. "I'll be inside" Steve says. Before leaving he leans to my ear "I only explained the Thanos situation"

"Thanks".

As soon as Steve closes the door, I fall into Bucky's arms. I'm tired of reuniting like this, but I'm never going to be tired of him.

"I'm sorry" he says

"It wasn't your fault".

I pull away and I look at him for a moment. He cups my face and rubs my cheek. "I love you" he says

"I love you" I reply and he kisses my lips.

We stay like that for a bit longer. "You cut your hair, you colored it lighter, I like it" he notices

I blush "Thank you. I had to cut it shorter because J-- I'm glad you like it".

"Is there something wrong?" he wonders

"No. It's just that we have so much to talk about..."

"Oh... Are you-- Have you moved on? Because I understand if you have--"

"No, don't worry. There is no other man. I've been rather busy with something else. But let's leave that for later. The funeral is about to start..."

"Yeah, let's go" he wraps his arm around me and walks with me.

~

I cried more than I expected today, mostly for Natasha. Bucky never let go of my hand and held me whenever I needed it. I missed him more than I had realized.

We stayed at the lake for a few hours after, just enjoying the view and the quiet. Sitting on a bench with his arm around me, like there is nothing to worry about.

I've tried to tell him about JJ so many times, but everytime something else comes out of my mouth. The more I wait, the worse my anxiety gets.

Rip off the band-aid.

"I was pregnant".

There I said it.

"What?" he keeps his around me, probably thinking he heard wrong

"5 weeks after everyone disappeared, I found out I was pregnant".

I can feel his heartbeat fasten against me. I lift my head from his shoulder to look at him. He is looking at me speechless and I can already see tears in his ocean blue eyes.

"She is 4 years old today" I mention

"She...?" his voice shakes

"Yes".

I grab my phone and I pull her most recent photos from picture day. I hand the phone to him carefully.

"Her name is Josephine James Barnes. Josephine is for my mommy who I lost pretty soon after 1945. And, obviously, James is for her daddy. I always called her JJ. She has most of my features, but she has your ocean blue eyes. She also sounds like you when you laugh really really hard -she reminds me of your adorable giggles. She has long brown hair and will kill anyone that touches it without permission. She likes blue, pink and purple, that's why her room looks like a giant bisexual flag. She plays soccer; her pick. She loves cats. She has dozens of cat stuffies on her bed and is begging me to bring home every kitten we come across when walking outside. Her favorite food is french fries. Her favorite thing to do whenever she has free time is danc to Taylor Swift songs, until she's too tired to move, and I have to carry her to bed. It's adorable".

He hasn't taken his eyes away from her picture all the time I talk. I let him to scroll further inside the album.

"Wow, she really is a mini you with blue eyes. And she looks so happy" he chuckles, while his eyes shine with tears

"I am doing my best" I admit

"I'm sure".

"You're not a stranger to her. She has seen pictures, I talk about you a lot, we've also been to the Smithsonian a plenty of times... So if you want to meet her, you're welcomed" I reassure him

"I... Are you sure you want me to..."

"Of course I do. You're her dad" I lean on his shoulder again and I rub his arm.

"I'm her d--" his voice breaks.

"She's been staying with a friend of mine all morning -aka my next door neighbor- but after the funeral Steve offered to take over. He's at our place with her now and we can go anytime you like" I suggest

"Do you think she'll recognize me?"

"I do"

"What pictures have you shown her? Probably old ones, right? Should I cut my hair and lose the beard to match the photos? I really don't want to scare her off" he starts talking nervously.

Now he's making me even more emotional.

"I don't believe she won't recognize you at all. But as much as I love the long hair and beard, it's up to you"

"I prefer to be safe than sorry with this. Will you do me the honors?" he asks

"Sure. But are you sure you don't want to go to a professional?"

"Yes, you're the only one I can tolerate touching and pulling me for so long" he replies

"And I wondered where JJ got that from..." I comment.

"Come on, Dr. Barnes. Put those rusty skills of yours to work again" he encourages me

"Fine..." I sigh and I follow him.

So, we grab scissors, clippers, a couple of combs and I begin. I really didn't want to cut his hair but it makes me so happy to know that he's already thinking and doing things for JJ, and he hasn't even met her yet. I know for a fact that she will have him wrapped around her finger in no time.