Memories || Bucky Barnes

Chapter 16

I couldn't stand anyone that moment, so I left them. I needed some time to myself. I needed to grieving the life and dreams that I lost for the second time. I thought Bucky would be fine with Steve for a few days.

I've been home since then. Alone. Quiet. Having no idea what is happening outside in the world during the last two days.

Until a knock on the door interrupts my peace. Staying in bed, I ignore it and I turn to my other side. Instead of hearing them walk away, I hear the door open. I still don't bother moving.

"I'm sorry" I hear Bucky's voice.

My heart hurts at how softly he says that. I get emotional again. I hear him approach me.

"I know" I reply eventually, keeping my back to him.

"Can we talk for 5 minutes? I promise to leave you alone after if that's what you want" he says

"Ok".

I turn to face him and I lose my breath as soon as I notice his whole left arm missing. I get closer and I put my hand on his left shoulder.

"What happened?" I ask

"A fight" he answers

"No, no. I go out for a day and you... Steve promised me he'd keep you safe"

"He couldn't control it. But I am fine. Physically at least. Maybe the arm getting destroyed was a good thing".

"I'm sorry I wasn't there"

"Don't be. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. I didn't noticing how bad you were doing emotionally all this time" he rubs my cheek softly

"Steve told you, didn't he?" I assume

"Yes. Why didn't you tell me anything?"

"Because I didn't want you to know. It wouldn't do you any good"

"But I should have known, Emmy. You are my wife, my family" this is the first time he says these words out loud. "I didn't even ask you or tried to make it easier on you. I was too focused on feeling like a failure and continuously ignored your signs. I lied because I didn't want to scare you off and make you leave me. I had you but you were alone. You were hurting alone. And I'm so angry at myself for that".

I hug him and I let a few tears roll down my cheeks. Even with one arm, he holds me tightly against him.

"I love you very much, Emmy. You are my safe place, and I'll always be grateful to you for your patience. I'd still be lost without you. Thank you for everything".

I hate to admit that I needed to hear and feel the recognition.

"I love you too" a sob escapes my lips.

We pull away and our eyes meet. His ocean blue eyes look brighter than ever. He brings his hand to my face again and wipes my tears away.

"I'm leaving for a while. You take as much time as you need to rest and heal" he says

"Where are you going?" I ask

"You don't have to worry about me anymore"

"I never stop worrying about you, Bucky"

"You will now. I promise you, I'll be in good hands" he reassures me. He is hiding something.

"Bucky... What is happening?" I ask, worried this time.

He looks down for a moment.

"Stop hiding things from me and just tell me" I insist

"I'm going under again"