"Can we stay like this forever?" I ask Bucky, while I lay on his chest
"Of course we can" he answers and kisses my head.
"Then let's do it..." I suggest. I raise my head from his chest and I move back, just enough to look at him.
"Let's leave. Right now. Me and you" I kiss him. "I love you. I love you and you -we- are finally free. So let's leave this to the ones who can probably handle it. We do not have to get involved, we deserve a pass"
"We do, doll. But I shouldn't walk away now. You heard Shuri, you saw how much damage that purple guy can do if he doesn't get terminated. Maybe this is my way to start making up for all the shit the Winter Soldier did. You can go, I'll help you leave this place safely if that's what you want, and I'll come find you when it is over"
"No, I can't just leave you here alone after everything that happened. Don't you understand? I don't want to risk and lose the last thing I have left".
"I'm not going anywhere" he wipes a tear off my cheek
"You don't know that"
"You're right, I don't. But like always, I will do everything in my power to come home to you" he kisses my lips.
"I believe you, I really do. But you can't expect me to be reassured by that after what happened in 1945" I remind him.
"I can't just abandon this, Emmy. Steve asked for our help" he puts the nail in the coffin
"Steve... Of course, it's Steve again.." I chuckle as I get out of bed. "I dream of you for 70 years, I sacrifice my own sanity during the 1 and a half years we have together before you decide to freeze yourself again, then I fight for you for 2 years, I give my blood, sweat and tears to have you here right now without that parasite in your head, I tell you how tired I am, and you're still thinking about what Steve asked for -he asked for our help..." I speak as I put some clothes on.
"Emmy, I'm sorry--"
"You always are, Bucky. But you keep doing the same thing again and again. You are running after Steve's tail like he used to run after yours. Meanwhile, you fuck me, you call me amazing, you tell me you love me, but I'm not enough yet to be your first priority? Me! Your wife!"
"Don't say that. You know it's not true. I love you more than anything"
"And I love you, which has been causing the greatest pain since 1945" I say and I lock myself in the bathroom.
I don't open the door until I hear him leave the room. I walk out and I stand in front of my closet. I put in a code I have never used. The one that Shuri told me was ready for me in case of an emergency.
A mannequin comes forward, wearing a icy blue and black suit. My first thought is that the blue shade is the same as Bucky's eyes. I don't know if it was intentional, but right now I hate the fact that I love it.
From the window, I see the familiar jet land. I watch from above as one Avenger after the other walks out. Bucky appears in my field of view as he gets closer to them. He and Steve share a hug. I shake my head and I step away from the window.
I turn my attention back to getting dressed. First, I put the black leather pants that look tighter than they feel. I grab the matching black corset and I soon discover that it matches my measurements perfectly. Then I grab the blue coat. It is a bit longer in the back, making it look almost like a cape. It has black details to match with the rest of the outfit. Finally, I put on a pair of black fingerless gloves, and I grab my boots. The rim of them is also blue, tying everything together.
"Wow..." Bucky's voice causes me to jump. "You look really good"
"Look who's here... I thought you and Steve would still be gazing into each other's eyes and falling in love once again" I say as I put my boots on
"Emmy, please. I came to see if you decided what you're going to do today? My offer still stands if you want me to take you out of here".
"No. I will fight today. But just know that I hope it kills me" I admit
"No. Don't say that ever again. I'm not letting you get hurt"
"Unless Steve is in danger at the same time as me. Then you'll have to run to your one true lover..." I joke.
"Are you drunk, Emmy?" he asks
"I wish. But at this point in my life, I prefer to joke over trauma than cry" I answer as I stand up.
I walk to Bucky and I come toe to toe with him. I put on my biggest fight to look ok.
"Just a warning, Bucky; If I make it out of here, you're getting served with divorce papers"
"If you think I'm going to sign them, you are mistaken" he chuckles
"I don't care if you sign them or not. I'm done either way. I'm done with the world, I'm done with Steve, and I'm done with you putting him always above me. I'm done with you".
I turn around and I start to walk away.
"Emmy. Emmy!" he calls but I ignore him.
I make it to the general hallway were other people that live in the palace too, could run into us. But it doesn't stop him from grabbing me.
"Damnit, Emmy. You are not done. You do not get to walk away after everything--"
"After everything I've done for you? I do, because I deserve better treatment! I deserve to be the first choice!" I insist
"You are! You've always been!" he yells
"I may have struggled with sharing my attention but you've always been my biggest priority. You are the only one I worry about constantly whenever you're out of my sight. You are the only one I was thinking of when I went into battle back in the war. And when I was taken hostage, I was thinking of you to distract myself from whatever they did to me. I have abandon Steve in the battlefield because I was thinking of you and the future babies I had promised you when I left.
"Later, when HYDRA kept brainwashing me, you are the one I always remembered, the one who always brought me back from whatever programming the had put me through. You are the first person I trusted when I was lost. I was willing to run away with you anywhere in the world even before the bombing in the UN happened. And that day when we were trying to get away with the bikes and someone messed with yours, they had to neutralize me in order to get me away from your unconscious body. I almost killed Steve that day for trying to rip me away from you -that wasn't the Winter Soldier, it was me.
"I grew up with Steve, he is my best friend, I love him as my brother. But it doesn't even compare to the way I love you. If he ever hurts you, I know will hurt him worse. So, don't you dare think that there is anything past or present that I would put in front of you! It has never been like that, EVER! I need you-- I'm begging you to see that".
He stops talking and only then I notice his chest raising and falling rapidly. He just spilled everything. My heart is pounding in my chest as my mind is computing the new information.
I open my mouth to speak, but as I do I feel a vibration on my wrist. It's the pager attached to my suit. Someone is calling for me. Bucky hears it too and looks away for a moment. I snooze it but it goes off again.
"It's Shuri. Sounds like an emergency" my voice barely comes out.
"Go. We'll finish this later" Bucky replies. I head to the lab and he follows me while keeping some distance.
YOU ARE READING
Memories || Bucky Barnes
FanfictionEmily and Bucky are getting married today. It should be the happiest day of their lives, but they can't be too happy. The newly married couple will be separated very soon, because Bucky is leaving for the war the next day. Letters keep their marria...
