His Rebel

• Anti Romantic •

Sinn's POV

Leonardo's words have been fucking with my head ever since he uttered them.

"Stop denying the pull you feel towards her. You know it fucking well."

And it's also him who decided it would be great if he sent her and me on this mission.

To pretend fucking fiancé and infiltrate Astor mansion.

I was against the idea, even the thought.

I decided that I would keep my distance from her. Agreeing on this pretense would mean I would have to do the complete opposite of what I decided.

To be close to her which would make it hard for me to stay away from her.

And that's what happened.

I lost control of myself that night.

But did I regret doing it?

No, I fucking didn't.

The reaction she had to my touch, just observing it made me want to do things with her.

But I noticed from the way she reacted, that it was her first time. And so I had to keep things slow and make sure she won't regret doing anything with me.

And most importantly, she felt comfortable with me.

Did I care that it was her first time or not? No. Even if it weren't, I'm no one to question that.

Though, I couldn't get out the way she reacted when she confirmed it for me. I couldn't help but kiss her cheek because of how she warmed my heart.

She felt embarrassed but there was no reason for her to be.

Yes, she warmed my heart which no one has ever been able to do. And it would be why I feel a pull towards her as Leonardo would put it.

It's not convenient to be feeling this way for a person whose working under me. It goes out of my lane; not professional.

I would never get sexually involved with people whom I'm supposed to work with.

But she proved to be different.

I couldn't resist her.

I didn't care who was in her life before but now that I am in hers, I didn't want to see anyone but me near her.

This isn't like me.

I have never been one to show interest in anyone and for them to be only for me.

The casual sex I had with other women was just to relax my body, it was much of a need to be done.

But what I have for her isn't just sex, I want all of her and it scares me.

Cause I can't have her. The work we do here has no time for romance. And it's not like I'm a romantic person myself.

I'm anti-romantic, I don't believe in what they call love. It's all fantasies people make to keep their sanity in this cruel world.

It's just a word that has no meaning in it for me. I never saw that thing growing up and I don't like to believe in things I haven't seen for myself.

I can't sleep, or it's more of a curse for the cruel things I have done being in the mafia. There hasn't been a day that I got proper sleep. 10 or 20 minutes is the maximum amount of sleep I get but then I prefer not to so I can get our work done instead.

And it's better to stay awake than have nightmares of the horrible things I have done and been through.

But last night was different. For the first time, I slept for an hour while I had my arm around her. Her being next to me helped me sleep.

I don't know what this woman is doing to me.

From the first time, I saw her with that dagger gripped in her hand, ready to attack, till this day, where she stared into my eyes while I had my finger inside of her.

Her eyes still had their fire in them which burned my soul and I'm tempted to burn till there's none of me left.

I got up before her after yesterday night. It was still dark cause it hadn't been long since I closed my eyes for just a bit. I started preparing for tonight, I wanted everything going according to plan. I won't tolerate mistakes and risk her life.

I had gotten ready and made my way to our room in the Astor mansion. But when my eyes landed on her as she stood in her red dress I couldn't take my eyes off of her.

It was as if red was made just for her.

She looked incredibly breathtaking in it that I wanted to ruin it in the best possible way my desire for her makes me.

Our eyes connected and I felt her burning gaze lit the fire inside of me.

I was so focused on her that when I finally gazed upon the other girl, who was probably helping her get ready, she stood beside me now.

My gaze might have startled her cause I noticed her flinch when I looked at her and she rushed out of the room leaving me alone with her after bowing.

I finally gave her my orders after it was just her and me in the room, "My order for you is that I don't expect anything from you."

She opened her mouth to argue with me about how I don't trust her abilities but that was not what I meant.

Not when she is the only one I could ever trust.

"But only for you to stay alive," I told her honestly and turned to look at her. She was staring at me speechless.

"That's all I order you."

I have never been one to tell people around me to be alive or even want them to be.

They could all die for all I fucking care.

But her, I wanted to protect her with my own life. I felt that if I didn't do so, I'll not be able to live myself.

"You know that I'll just do nothing," she finally spoke breaking the silence.

"But I'll certainly not die."

Her mere words made me feel something that I can't describe cause the feeling was so unusual that I didn't know words to describe it.

This woman, who is to work under me for a time that has not yet been decided, is making my mind go nuts over her.

If only I had the right words to explain what I'm feeling for her then maybe, I could feel a bit better.

But can I feel a feeling like this for her?

Cause I am a man who is sinned and no one should ever be near me. Especially not someone like her who burns my heart in the best possible way for her.

But what can they do when it is I who want her near me?

Can the mafia accept that,

Especially him.

An; the song anti-romantic by txt is one of the songs I listened to on repeat whenever I wrote their story. It helped me imagine it since I started writing about them last year. And now I'm finally sharing their story with y'all :)