Your Ring On My Skeleton

39 : Heavy Hearts

Nakakailang buntong-hininga na ako't marahang pag-iling. Hindi pa rin ako tumitigil sa pag-iyak pati na rin si Ignis. This conversation si breaking both of our hearts. It is making us hate ourselves in every possible way.

"No, Nikolai. Hindi puwede." I said. "You have to understand that in order for our child to stay safe, he must remain in this mountain with me."

"So, you think he is unsafe with me?" he asked.

Napakagat ako sa pang-ibaba kong labi. Ignis has all the rights to question this and my decisions because he is our child's father. He can comment on our child's safety especially now that I just came from a fight and our child was in danger. We almost lost it. Hindi ko talaga siya masisisi sa mga tanong niyang ibinabato sa akin. Ni hindi ko rin siya puwedeng sabihing mali ang mga gusto niya dahil tama naman siya. All I can do right now is to beg and make him understand the situation more.

"Hindi sa ganoon,"

"Sinasabi mong hindi ko kayang alagaan ang anak natin dahil normal na tao lang ako, mahal? If he is with me in the city, as a normal kid, then he is safer than in these mountains. You are a Luna. His life is at risk the day he became known as your child. Even before you give birth, he is in danger." sambit niya. Napapailing-iling pa at nakakailang pagbuntong-hininga na rin. He has dismay within his voice. "Mahal, that's...unfair. It will make sense that he will be safer with me in the city because there will be no preying eyes on us. No lingering wolves that will kill and threaten his life. No territorial issues."

"Ignis naman," I started feeling weak. Hindi ko na maintindihan. Wala na akong masabi. "We aren't even sure if he or she will be a normal wolf or human."

"Exactly my point."

"But you know the situation very well. Hindi puwede. Please, mahal ko. Please,"

"Mahal, this is too much." he said. "I am already trying to digest how you'll part ways with me for the rest of our lives. Imagine me being alone. Without you...without our child. Please naman, that's all I want and nothing more. Masakit para sa akin ito. Masakit para sa ating dalawa. You are already a Luna. A wolf already took you as his mate. Kung sa aming mga tao, it's as good as being married. And right now, I am as good as a third party. We're just lucky that your Alpha is not like the other Alphas I overheard. He at least is a human by rationality."

"Kaya nga, Ignis. Nikolai is just being kind to us. Kaya please, hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko."

Natigil kaming parehas ni Ignis. Nanatiling tahimik na tumutulo parehas ang aming mga luha. Wala nang nagsasalita dahil parehas kaming wala nang masabi. Only this silence can be our response to this painful conversation. Never have I ever looked forward to this pain. Ni hindi ko man lang naisip ang posibilidad na darating ang araw na ito at ganito ang pagtatalunan namin ni Ignis. Maybe we're just really two in love creatures who did not think enough before taking a leap of faith on each other's arms. We only knew that it is love. We never realized love can take us here.

"Antara," napalingon kami nang biglaang may pumasok sa kwarto. Si Biya pala iyon kasunod si Aoiri at parehas na medyo natigil nang makitang umiiyak kami ni Ignis. "Good morning. Kakain na tayo ng breakfast. Ignis, kakain na raw sabi ng Alpha. Kailangan mo raw ng lakas."