Your Ring On My Skeleton

43 : Jealousy, Jealousy

Nangunot ang noo ni Ignis sa reaksyon ko pero hindi na siya nagtaka pa. Ni hindi niya iyon kwinestiyon.

"Oh, kaya pala. I was 20 and you were 19. Okay. How about your parents, mahal? If it's okay with you, can I ask you questions about them?"

Sandali akong napaisip ngunit mayamaya rin lang ay marahan akong tumango. I let him see the smile on my lips to assure him that it is okay. I have told him about their death and some parts of it but I never really told him the most parts. Basta ang alam niya lang, ako ang dahilan kung bakit namatay sila. The sacrifie they made just to let me live. Even Anika and Aoiri, they do not want to talk about it anymore. Just like me, they are hurt and is is understandable. It's still a heavy topic to talk about. I am still thankful both my siblings do not hate me for that...or they really just do not let me know they hate me for that. They must be mad. Ayaw lang nilang sabihin dahil sa kanilang dalawa ako pinagkatiwala ng mga magulang ko.

"What do they look like?"

"They both looks like Tito Bana and Tita Belle." agad kong sambit. "Kuhang-kuha. Para lang silang mga pinagbiyak na buko dahil parehas silang identical twins. So, I think if ever they are still alive, they will look exactly how Tita Belle and Tito Bana looks like now."

"Oh, so I guess mas kamukha ka talaga ng Tita Belle." he said as he nod his head. "Halika nga rito. No. Ako na pala ang pupunta riyan. I wanna cuddle with you."

Sandali siyang gumalaw at mayamaya pa ay yakap-yakap na niya ako. Nakaupo man kami pareho ay marahan pa rin siya sa mga kilos niya dahil parehas pa rin kaming may sugat at dahil na rin sa umbok ng tiyan ko. Iniiwasan niyang maipit iyon.

His warmth is all over me and it makes me feel so alive and safe. Walang makakatumbas kung paanong ang mga yakap niya ang palagi kong gustong pakiramdam. Ang palagi kong hanap. I keep on craving this feeling. I keep on being hungry for his attention even with the slightest ones. At mukhang tama nga siya. Sa lakas ng tama ko sa kaniya, sa kung paanong mabaliw ang katawan ko sa mga hawak niya pati na rin ang puso ko, one concerning area of this separation is our bodies' satisfaction. Us making love. Us, our body, and how it makes us feel complete.

Paano na nga lamang kung hindi ko na mahahalikan ang labi niya? Or play with his hair everytime he is peacefully asleep with me? His eyes, his breath, his voice I'll miss so much.

I don't want to constantly miss this lovely feeling. I always want to live with it. With him.

"Mahal,"

"Hmm?"

"Is there really no other way around?" he asked. This time, his voice is starting to crack. He is starting to let me see how heavy the real situation is for the both of us. Nararamdaman kong humihigpit ang yakap niya habang isinisiksik ang mukha niya sa may leeg ko at doon marahang nagsasalita. "I don't want this. I don't want any of this. I want you. Ikaw lang at ang baby natin pero parang ayaw sa atin ng mundo. When you came into my life, you made it better. You filled it with more happiness that I never imagined you can give. You made me laugh so much that I did not know I can do. Sa mahigit isang taon simula nang makilala kita, sa pakiramdam ko ay ang mahigit isang taon na iyon ang pinakamasaya sa buhay ko. And I want it to stay forever. I want to be happy with you,"