Team Sparia

Chapter 4 - Her?

Hanna's POV
I stood outside the Hastings' house against my car, well technically my mom's car. Spencer hadn't talked to any of us for weeks and today was the day of the funeral. I had a hunch. It was something that had been growing in the back of my mind. Before Spencer's mom had died Spencer had been acting really weird especially around Aria. And every time we tried to go see her it was all three of us and she never let us in. So I figured something must have went down between Spencer and Aria or Spencer just really didn't want to see us. I knock on the door and see Mr Hastings come to the door. He heaved a heavy sigh, I almost thought he felt sorry for us after sending us away so many times. I had heard the argument once when Spencer had got angry enough to shout.
**Flashback**
"Hey Mr Hastings." Aria greeted.
"Hey girls, just one second." Mr Hastings replied before he disappeared around the corner to go find Spencer.
"I don't want to see them!" Spencer had yelled and we had shared worried glances.
"They are your friends, Spencer. They will help you!" Her father had shouted back angrily.
"I don't need help! Will you just leave me alone!" Spencer had shouted before we heard the door slam shut probably in Mr Hastings' face.
**End Flashback**
"She's upstairs." Mr Hastings steps to the side to let me in. He's dressed in his funeral suit, black blazer, black tie, black trousers and a white shirt. I was surprised he just let me in and he hadn't even told Spencer I was here. Maybe he was sick of her yelling at him and slamming doors in his face or maybe he thought I could really help her. I step carefully up the stairs the boards creaking ever so slightly. I round the corner and enter Spencer's room. I saw her immediately and I knew it was bad. She sat on the edge of her bed, gripping the side of it and her head was tilted towards the floor her hair falling down all sides obscuring her vision completely. The bedroom was an absolute bomb site, clothes were flung every where, objects lay in disarray on the floor and her bed was unmade. Definitely, not like Spencer who liked things organised and clear. "Spencer?" I say my voice breaking the dead silence. I saw Spencer tense immediately, her whole body. I walk into her room and sit beside her on the unmade bed. She lifts her head and pushes her hair back so she can see.
"What are you doing here?" Her voice is completely void of emotion.
"I was worried about you Spencer, we all are." My statement hangs in the air for awhile.
"You shouldn't worry about me." Spencer says pushing herself up off of the bed. She was in her funeral clothes too, just a simple black dress.
"What the hell is happening?" I stand up and glare at Spencer but she has her back to me.
"What's happening is my mom is dead, Hanna." Spencer replies her voice showing no hint of emotion.
"No." I say sternly and watch as Spencer reluctantly turns towards me. "That's not just it. I've noticed you've been acting strange lately, stranger than you usually do, even before all this happened and I'm trying to understand. Spencer, let me understand." I look at her my eyes pleading for her to tell me.
"That's the thing, you wouldn't." She replies.
"It's not like you're struggling with a math problem Spencer. This is real life and you need your friends." I watch as she paces back and forth across her room.
"I can't talk about this, okay?" Her voice was rising.
"I can help you, just let me." I say raising my voice too.
"Stop it!" Spencer curls in a ball covering her ears. "You don't understand!" Just as quickly she's back on her feet pacing again.
"Try me." I say and she stops in her tracks.
"I..." Spencer was glancing around the room trying to find a place to look other than me. "I'm in love." She faces me now fully looking me right in the eyes.
"Really? Is that it?" I couldn't believe that's what had Spencer like this, there was something more.
"Yes! Because I can never have her-" Spencer's voice catches and she stops dead in her tracks. A still shocked silence fell on us. Her?
"Wait, her?" I wasn't certain I'd heard her properly.
"I told you. You wouldn't understand." Spencer put her hand to her forehead in a vain attempt to calm herself.
"Why would you think I wouldn't understand? Are you forgetting about Emily one of our best friends?" Emily was openly gay and we'd all accepted it so why was Spencer so afraid?
"It's not the same." Spencer grabs a black jacket off a hanger in her closet. "I can't talk about this right now, I have to go say goodbye to my mom."
"Okay." I pause before my next sentence. "But I'm driving." Spencer looked like she wanted to object but I gave her a firm look and she knew she had no choice in the matter.

We arrive at the funeral and I follow Spencer to the ceremony that was outside even though it was a chilly afternoon. I see Aria and Emily and give them a small smile but stick with Spencer since she made no effort to even look at the other girls. "Spencer slow down, I'm going to fall in these heels." I call and she stops suddenly that I almost fall over her.
"I can't see her." Spencer says a tone in her voice.
"What? Who?" I ask confused.
"Aria." Is all she says before she continues on her way.
"Alright, what went down between you-" I stop mid sentence something clicking in my mind. 'I can never have her-' Spencer's words echoed in my mind. "Oh my God." I say realising. Spencer whirls around.
"Yes, okay? Yes." Spencer says not giving me much but it was all I needed.
"Aria?" I yell in disbelief. Spencer's eyes widen at the volume of my voice.
"Will you keep it down?" She hisses at me.
"Sorry." I whisper back.
"I'll talk about it later but right now I want to focus on saying goodbye." I nod and follow her to the seats that were set up. I notice that Aria and Emily sit a few rows behind us clearly getting the impression that Spencer wasn't ready to reunite fully. The priest says a few words from the bible before he calls Spencer up to give a few words. "I know my family weren't perfect, actually if anything we were really dysfunctional, but one thing we always did was protect each other. My mom never gave up on me, she always wanted me to do great things with my life and to be happy. She loved days like this, when the air is hot but it's also cold she said it was a perfect balance in nature which is hard to find. I love her. I always will." Spencer's voice broke on the last word and she started to cry. She returns to her seat beside me and I take her hand to try and comfort her. I wrap her in a hug and watch as the coffin is lowered into the ground. "Can we go Han?" Spencer whispers in my ear I could hear how broken she was just by hearing her.
"Yeah, let's get out of here." I say pulling her gently towards my car.
"Can you stay tonight?" Spencer asks as she slips into the passenger seat her eyes trained on the crowd that was dispersing. I notice that Spencer wasn't just focusing on the crowd but rather on one person in particular. Aria stood looking around, probably looking for us, and a sad smile crept onto Spencer's face.
"Of cause I can." I reply before pulling out and making my way towards Spencer's.

I was sat on the couch at the Hastings' when I hear Spencer call me from upstairs. I make my way up them unsure what she wanted me for. "Okay, close your eyes." Spencer orders an excited smile on her face. Maybe saying goodbye had helped her feel a little less lost but she still had an air of sadness encasing her.
"Are you serious?" I say in disbelief.
"Just do it." She says hurrying me with a wave of her hands. I close my eyes tightly and wait for whatever Spencer was going to show me. I hear a door creak open and Spencer's hand on my shoulders leading me somewhere. "Okay..." Spencer trails off for a second. "Now open them." I open my eyes and it takes me a moment to realise I'm in her bedroom. But it looked completely different to how it was before, her bed was made perfectly like it normally was and not a single item of clothing or object lay on the ground.
"Wow, talk about a makeover." I say and Spencer laughs.
"Tidy house, tidy mind." Spencer says giving me a grin. "So, as I was cleaning I found this movie do you want to watch it?" She hands me a DVD box with the name of a movie I haven't even heard of on it.
"Sure, as long as it's not a documentary." I say and Spencer takes it out of my hands before going downstairs.
"You know how to set up the movie right?" She calls absentmindedly.
"Uh, yeah but why can't you do it?" I ask feeling my lazy side kick in.
"Because I'm going to make popcorn. Sweet or salted?"
"Definitely both." I reply and Spencer grins at me. This is going great. Spencer seemed almost like Spencer again. I was trying to figure out how to turn the TV on when I heard a knock at the door.
"Hey Han, could you get that?" Spencer calls from the kitchen. I open the door and almost drop the remote in my hand. Standing in the door was a very familiar face.
"I need to talk to Spencer." She said. Oh this is bad, very, very bad.