Spencer's POV
Aria was staring at me intently with so much disappointment that it was little too much to bare. "Are you going to answer me?" She asks setting the items down on the coffee table.
"I didn't take any pills I swear." I say. I knew that was what really disappointed Aria, it's not like she could judge me for drinking when we've both drank in the past. I know that she was just worried about me since I had had somewhat of an addiction to the pills, but I was over that now.
"But you were thinking about it." She sits up straight leaning against the coffee table in front of me.
"A momentary lapse in judgement." I admit. It was obviously true that I had been tempted to take the pills. I had reached a point where I didn't care since Aria was the only one who cared about me and she wasn't with me so, I figured what would be the harm, but it was the thought of her coming back to me that stopped me from taking the pills.
"You've been having them a lot recently." Aria mutters. I narrow my eyes at her biting my tongue from giving a witty reply. I deserved that jab which was why I kept quiet.
"I think you were right." Aria looks up at me when I start talking to her. "I think I need to talk to someone, a professional."
"Like right now?" Aria asks raising an eyebrow.
"Why not right now?" I ask. She stands up and helps me up off the couch.
"Alright, I'll call Dr Sullivan while you get dressed." She says giving me a reassuring smile.
"Do you want to borrow some clothes?" I ask from my room rummaging through my drawers.
"Maybe like a jacket or something, it's cold out." She replies. She was leaning on the door frame, her arms crossed over her chest and a small smile on her face. I pull out my old Rosewood's Sharks hoodie, which, would be a little long on Aria but she didn't seem to mind.
"Will this do?" I ask handing her the hoodie. "Or I have a coat downstairs?"
"It's perfect." She leans up on her tiptoes and plants a kiss on my lips. "Thanks Spence." She turns around and makes her way down the stairs pulling the hoodie over her head as she does so. How she managed to put a hoodie on and walk down the stairs - I'll never know.
Dr Sullivan's office was very quiet, it was almost like a ghost town. Aria was sitting beside me in the waiting room, the only sound coming from the clock that was above the door. Aria had her fingers interlocked with my fingers, rubbing my hand with her thumb in a circular motion. The sound of the door opening was so jarring that I jumped a little at the sudden noise. "It's good to see you Spencer and Aria." Dr Sullivan smiles at us both. It's been so long since we last saw her never mind spoke to her about anything.
"Hi Dr Sullivan." Aria greets returning her smile. I stand up and lean down, placing a soft kiss on Aria's lips, before following Dr Sullivan into her office. "I'll wait out here." Aria calls after me before the door is closed and I'm making my way to the couch. Dr Sullivan sits in her chair grabbing her note pad and pen as she does so. I sit back in the couch feeling reluctant to talk to her but at the same time wanting too. "It's been a long time Spencer." She begins with small talk, I could see what she was doing.
"Yeah, a lots happened." I decide to play along which was better than just sitting there playing with my hands.
"You and Aria look happy." She comments looking at me. If only she had seen me a few days ago.
"We are." I say tapping my fingers on my lap. "I went on a soul seeking trip to the beach with Caleb the other day." I say. I still didn't fully understand what had happened that day and I guess talking about it with a professional might help.
"Tell me about that." Dr Sullivan replies, writing something down.
"It was kind of spontaneous and by the time we reached the beach it was midnight. Caleb just got out the car and sat on the shore but I went into the water and just stared at the horizon. I couldn't stop, even though the water was numbingly cold, I couldn't bring myself to leave." I recount my feelings from that day, my confusion evident in my voice.
"Why do you think you did that?" She presses scribbling more things down.
"I don't know, I thought maybe because Aria and I had hit a rough patch but..." I trail off getting lost in my thoughts.
"But?" She prompts leaning forward ever so slightly in her chair.
"I still feel the same way." I conclude.
"How do you feel?" She questions and I roll my eyes. It was such a cliché thing to say but I also knew I had to be honest.
"Empty. I can't explain it, I feel like something is missing from me and I'm not just talking about my spleen. I think I might be losing my mind." I say a hint of humour in my voice although I was deadly serious.
"Let's talk about your accident." Dr Sullivan says tapping her pen a couple times. "Are you angry?"
"Angry at who?" I ask.
"Aria?" Dr Sullivan asks and I frown a little at her comment.
"Why would I be angry with her?" I ask confused by the question.
"Maybe you blame her for what happened to you?" She encourages me but I shake my head.
"It wasn't Aria's fault. I suggested we take a shortcut, I stepped in front of the knife to save her, it was completely my fault."
"I don't want you to come to resent Aria." Dr Sullivan says lowering her head slightly to give me a condescending look.
"I wouldn't." I say strongly raising my voice ever so slightly. I was getting irritated by her questioning me.
"But you're angry aren't you?" She asks raising an eyebrow.
"No." I reply sternly.
"I think you are." She retorts.
"I'm not." I argue feeling my anger bubble. the only thing I was angry about was her rigorous questioning.
"You're angry." She states.
"Of course I'm angry!" I burst suddenly, the words pouring out of my mouth before I can stop them. "I'm not angry at Aria, I'm angry at the scumbag who stabbed me."
"Why are you angry?" Dr Sullivan pushes scribbling more down.
"Because he violated me! He stabbed me, I lost a part of me because of him and I could have died because of him, so yes, I'm fucking angry." I fume, the words falling out of my mouth quickly. Dr Sullivan looked a little surprised by my outburst and bad language but I was too jittery to care.
"Spencer, that's normal to feel that way-" She consoles but I cut her off.
"How do you know? If I could, I would stab him, or hell, maybe I'd even kill him."
"Spencer-"
"No, I mean it. He haunts my dreams, turning them into nightmares, the only good thing in my life is Aria. She's my rock and my soul and I need her, or I might have just lost my mind completely." I say with a finality to my voice.
"You seem distracted and disconnected from your mind, which is unusual for you." She begins and I let my face fall into my hands, feeling fresh tears welling up in my eyes.
"What's wrong with me?" I ask through my tears. "Why am I like this?" I look up to see Dr Sullivan giving me a sympathetic look.
"I would diagnose you with PTSD Spencer. You have the symptoms: reliving the memory in the form of flashbacks or nightmares, distraction from the world around you, depression, trying to bury your feelings, and you're on edge." She gestures to my hand that was tapping nervously on my leg. "You can't become withdrawn Spencer, you've waited too long to talk to someone, you've let your feelings build up inside you and they could have come crashing down at any minute."
"I'm only eighteen years old, nearly nineteen, I can't have PTSD." Of course I had heard of the disorder, I just figured it happened mostly to war veterans, people who have sufford greatly, it seemed impossible that I could have it.
"Post Traumatic Stress Disorder can occur at any age after a traumatic event and if being stabbed, and put into a coma isn't a traumatic experience, then I don't know what is." Dr Sullivan sets her notes down on the table. "It's normal for you to feel this way Spencer but you need to accept help or it's just going to get worse. This isn't something you can deal with alone. You need to talk to people, your friends, your family, anyone, not just me because although I can offer you support, it will be nothing like the support of those."
"What if they don't want to support me?" I ask feeling really small.
"Spencer I guarantee you that they will." She reassures with a smile. I wipe my face trying to recompose myself.
"I'm not sure anyone can weave through my debris of emotional wreckage." I reply.
"I know a girl sitting outside this room who is very determined to. Why else would she have come here?" Dr Sullivan asks.
"Can you- Can you not tell her about me? I want to be the one to tell her." Aria really had no idea how messed up I was.
"Doctor, patient, confidentiality. I won't say anything." She pauses and looks at me. "But a little bit of advice, tell her, and soon because chances are you're going to need her." I nod before standing up from my seating position. Dr Sullivan follows me to the door silently. "You'll be okay Spencer. I advise we do weekly sessions and, if it's okay with you, I would like to contact your father to update him on the situation."
"Thanks, I don't think I could have." I say referring to my dad.
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Team Sparia
Fanfiction**Spoilers of PLL** Spencer and Aria had always been best friends and the thought had never occurred to them that they might feel more. But something sparked inside of them, just they were too afraid to say anything to each other. Spencer the smart...
