Team Sparia

Chapter 43 - "I can leave."

Aria's POV
Spencer left when I finally stopped crying. She left me in the motel room alone with only my thoughts. I meant everything that I had said to her, I did love her and I wanted to be with her, but Spencer was right. My child deserves to grow up with his or her mom and dad and I should have known that Spencer would have said that. She always was the bigger person. Still, I couldn't escape the thought that Spencer would be an amazing mother and we could be really happy together. After everything that we had been through. Ezra was safe, he gave me everything I needed, but that was boring. With Spencer it was exciting but, at the same time, it was safe, she was always there for me and she always made me feel alive. Maybe I should come clean to Ezra. That way we can have a clean slate and he might start trying again. I didn't want to marry him either. I should just tell him. I look around the motel room and spot something folded neatly on the chair that was in the room. I walk over and see that there's a note placed on top. 'My old Sharks hoodie, I figured since I never use it anymore you could have it. I always did like it when you wore my clothes. - S' I smile at the note. She must have left the hoodie for me before she left and now she was gone. I pick up the hoodie and hold it to my nose. I breathe in the familiar scent of Spencer, cuddling the hoodie like she was still in my arms. On the back of the hoodie was her name Hastings in bold white letters. I pull the hoodie over my head and I instantly feel relaxed. I have to tell Ezra about us, there's no way we can raise a child together without being completely honest with each other.

I enter our apartment after moping around in the motel room for hours. I was surprised to see that Ezra was home and I was still wearing Spencer's hoodie. "Hey." He says happily from the couch. I suddenly knew how Spencer must have felt when she had to tell me about Cassie, except, Spencer hadn't slept with Cassie numerous times.
"Hey." I reply. Ezra notices my dejected state immediately and he mutes the TV before turning to look at me.
"Is everything okay?" He asks clearly concerned.
"Has it ever been?" I sigh running my hands through my hair. "Ezra, I don't want to get married." I tell him that piece of news first. He looks a little hurt by my words and I can see that he's processing them.
"I thought we agreed that it's what's best for the baby?" He asks clearly confused.
"That was before." I tell him. This was it, this was when I told the truth to him.
"Before what?" He asks carefully - almost like he knew what I was going to say.
"Before I fell in love with someone else." My voice is controlled and I can feel my eyes filling up with tears again. I was angry angry at Ezra for not noticing, I was angry at Spencer for leaving me, but mostly, I was angry with myself. "Before I slept with Spencer." I whisper the last part but it was loud enough for Ezra to hear me. He goes completely still, staring at me with a blank expression.
"What?" He asks his voice breaking slightly.
"I slept with Spencer a few times and I fell in love with her again because you're not enough Ezra." The words come out of my mouth before I could stop them - I was too worked up to stop. "You're not enough for me, because, I will always be in love with her."
"Aria, what about our baby?" He asks moving towards me. "Do you not love me anymore?"
"I still love you I just-" I stop mid sentence unable to find the words to break it to him but I could tell he already knew.
"But you love her more." He finishes for me.
"It's over with her now." I tell him. "I thought you should know the truth."
"You told her didn't you?" He asks me. I nod my head in response and he laughs. "And she left you? You fell in love with someone who would just leave you when it gets too hard." He sounded angry now and I suddenly felt trapped. "What about me? I've always been here for you Aria. Did I turn and run when you told me that you were pregnant, no, I stepped up because I love you, and if you love someone, you don't run away when it gets too hard. I'm sorry to tell you this Aria, but Spencer obviously doesn't love you. Otherwise she would have stayed and she would have fought for you, no matter the circumstances!" Ezra was yelling now and everything he said wounded me. I could literally feel my heart breaking in my chest.
"It wasn't like that." I whimper. "She was dong what was best for me and the baby."
"And she's right!" Ezra explodes. "I am what's best for you and the baby, not her."
"You're scaring me Ezra." I back away from him slightly.
"Good, then maybe you understand how angry I am!" He throws his glass across the apartment and I jump at the sound of it crashing. He looks at me for a moment before a look of shock crosses his features. He must have seen my frightened expression. I had never seen Ezra so angry before. "I'm sorry." He says calmer now. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you."
"I can leave." I mutter quietly. Honestly, I didn't want to stay - not anymore. I was right when I thought that Ezra wasn't being himself and now he had let his emotions spill out.
"No, you don't have to leave." He says. He takes a step towards me and I take one back feeling the hard wood of the door on my back. I was still wearing Spencer's hoodie and it was the only thing that was making me feel safe right now. Like all those years ago when she had defended me from Noel Kahn, she protected me from everything, and I knew, if she was here, she would be protecting me from Ezra. "You can go if you want Aria but I want to make this work." He says seriously. I slip out of the door slamming it closed behind me and taking off as quickly as I could. I needed to get out of here and I needed to get out of here now.