a kiss on the wrist

Chapter 42- laundry time

He is laying there, under the ground, surrounded by his friends and family up in heaven. I felt a warm hand on my shoulder and turned to meet the face of liam, he'd been coming with me to see niall the past few days . "He was so happy with you," he said, turning to face me, shielding his eyes from the sun that was pretty bright today. "I'd never seen him that committed to anyone before, no one." He smiled.

"I loved him very much, and i still do," i smiled as i looked at his grave. "I never thought he would ever settle down, i always imagined him growing up and living life to the fullest." Liam laughed. "He was so young you know? He had so much life ahead of him, and i couldn't wait to see what things he would've accomplished," i took a shaky breath and placed my hand on the cold stone "Niall and i weren't the closest, but i knew him well. Well, i guess i knew the him that existed around us,"

"Niall was so much more than what people thought him out to be, so much more. He had so much passion and strength. He was so much, i couldn't have asked for more, he made my life here, worth living." I explained, and it was true. Niall was always the highlight of my days. Ever since i met him, ever since i saw those blue crystal eyes,  and that fluffy blonde hair with the brown roots peeking out." I laughed to myself. "He made me happy, and that's all that mattered, even when we would fight or be mad, I wouldn't have ever wanted anyone else by my side in the end of it all."

"I can't even begin to imagine how hard this is for you, if i ever lost my girlfriend, i would be devastated. When you love someone, you can never stop loving them, and being apart from them, only makes it stronger." Liam nodded

I could feel tears emerging in my eyes. "I havnt lost my girlfriend, but i did lose my mum, to cancer, i was but a wee lad," liam told me. "Oh liam, I'm so sorry, that's horrible, a child should never have to bury their mother. That must have been really hard for you. How do you cope with something like that?" I asked. "It helps to think that the life they are living up in heaven, is better than their life on earth. My mum she was a very religious person, and i just know she is up there. Everything is better for her up there, she's not in pain, her suffering here on earth is over, and thats what you must believe for niall robin. You have to believe that he is better up there, because he is. Would you rather him be suffering on earth, or having the time of his life in heaven?" Liam questioned me.

"I would like for him to be here with me liam, i know it sounds selfish, because it is, but i can't cope with this, niall was all i had left. I have friends, and i have bestfriends, but niall was special, niall was more than just my boyfriend, he was everything I needed in one and I can't get him out of my mind, and i feel terrible for being so selfish, but i need him here with me, without him I'm lost," i cried. Liam took me into his arms and hugged me tightly.

"Robin, niall would want nothing more than to be here with you right now, but you have to let him go. His time here is over, and you have to accept that, it's hard, i know it is, but you have to be strong and positive about this. One day, you will be with him again. And hey, he's not gone, he's still here, right there" he smiled, pointing at my heart with his index finger. "He will always be right there. If you love him, and you believe, then niall will always be there, in your heart. Niall will never leave you robin, it's there that he lives on, his love for you burns within you, deep in your heart, rushing through your veins." He hugged me again and wiped my tears.

"Just remember that and everything will be ok, pray robin, pray for niall, and for yourself, be strong, and live your life."

"Thank you liam, i really needed those words right now, I'm an emotional wreck," i laughed at myself, still letting the tears fall gently "If you ever need anything, don't hesitate to call, we are all going to get through this together. Maybe sometime you can come to church with me. Ethan and my girlfriend always come along, and the people are very kind there, i really hope you will considerate it." His eyes lit up. I admired him. He could still be positive and kind during all of this. He was trying to make me feel better, and i really appreciated it, but i dont know how I'm supposed to handle this. I just want t be alone and mope. I really just want to cry and scream. I'm angry, and I'm upset beyond repair. I'm broken and bruised. I'm burned and ruined. But in spite of all that, i know I'm not alone, and I know I'm not the only one feeling this way.

"Thank you liam, i will definitely clear my schedule just um text me the details, and I'll be there," i told him. His smile grew and his arms wrapped around me once more before he left, as did i.

I was driving around , to nowhere. Aimlessly wasting gas. It was getting late and I found myself parked in the parking lot of Harry's apartments. I slowly made my way up the steps and knocked on the door with the energy I had left. Louis opened the door, letting me in right away, and as soon as I was in, he hugged me. I closed my eyes and dropped my purse at our feet as I buried my face in his neck. "Are you hungry love? Harry's making dinner, you're welcome to stay of course"  He whispered rubbing my back and slipping my coat off.  I nodded and pulled away thanking him.

I kicked off my heels and walked to the kitchen with Louis. I felt like a zombie and it was awful. I put a smile on my face and wrapped my arm around Harry's shoulder. Maybe if I try to be happy I'll get my mind off of everything. "Hey when did you get here white girl," he leaned down kissing my head and stabbing a fork into a piece of steak meat. "Just now, Louis said I could stay for dinner is that ok," I asked taking the fork from his hand and nibbling on the food. "Course, he's probably going to make me watch desprete housewives with him and I'd much rather not be the only one pretending to be paying attention" he smirked as Louis rolled his eyes at him. I pulled Away and hopped onto the counter

"I'm actually glad you don't pay attention because I would have to catch you up on all the drama and trust me you'd be utterly confused" he laughed. "Harry do you mind if I shower really quick?"

"Yeah go ahead Louis about to do laundry anyways so yo-"

"Wait what I never agreed to this laundry doing you speak of, anyways Robin Harry will be doing the laundry so you will have nice warm pajamas waiting for you when you've gotten all clean," Louis smiled. "I'm cooking so it's laundry duty for you"

I laughed as Louis turned fully around and placed his hand on his hip, "Harry cooking is not an excuse , you know I hate doing laundry," he whined stomping his smol feet slightly. "Louis you can do your own laundry laundry tonight " Harry laughed.

"Fine." Louis huffed. "You can suck your own dick tonight "

I held in a little laugh as Harry stopped stirring the meat, and walked to the bathroom and ridding myself of the dressy clothes. I looked in the mirro and noticed how my eyes seems so lifeless. I felt like I looked. My eyes had bags under them, the color had been completely drained from my body, everywhere. Even my hair felt flat and dead I splashed some water on my face and started the shower

It felt nice to just enjoy the water. I closed my eyes and let my mind fade, and there he was, just like everything was normal. I could see him sitting on the couch eating a bag of crisps or just goofing around , talking about golf or a derby game he'd been to. It felt as if he'd only been in my life for a split second before he was just.....not there anymore.

And just with that thought, he was gone again. The couch now empty. Nothing to occupy it but the wishes of revival and emptiness. The water began to surround me, slowly drowning out my thoughts as my eyes opened to a knock on the door.

"Dinner is ready Rob, and I'm putting some of my pajamas on the counter, I'll be starting laundry soon so you can wear those until the warm ones come out," Harry said as I shut off the water. "Didn't want to suck you're own dick tonight I see," I smirked as I peeped my head out from behind the curtain. "Have you ever tried to do that? It's not fun, so I'll just be going to tend to the laundry"

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