a kiss on the wrist

Chapter 12- found

The tears were streaming down my hidden face, and they wouldn't stop. I was so fed up with everyone's shit including my own.

Why is everything so complicated?

I really hate myself right now this is all my fault. Everything's my fault. I'm not pretty enough, or skinny enough. Why did i have to be born this way? I wish i could just mold myself the way i want, the way that other girls look like. I want to see my hip bones. Granted I'm not overweight, people say I'm a twig, but i just don't see it.

I can't even bare the sight of myself in the mirror. I wish that i could just lose this weight and have a different face. I let out soft, silent sobs.

I hurried my face into my hands again, rocking myself back and forth slowly. I'm glad no one could see me on this ally, because i don't want to go back home, wherever that is. Do i even have a home anymore?

I mean yes i am currently staying with zayn and harry, but i don't want to like actually stay there stay there, i mean I've been such a burden to them, and staying there makes me feel like a full blown bum.

I know one thing thought, i will never ever go back to my family, no matter how much i missed my sister or brothers, never.

I've had enough of my family. One day I'm going to move away, and they will never see me again, I'll never have to worry about them again. It's for the best. Once i get my job I'll save up enough until i have enough to move.

Running away from everything in this small town seems like the best option, but how much would i be leaving behind. I'd be leaving behind kassie and Sophie, Mari, zayn, harry, Rachel, and...niall.

Niall.

I wish he were here to hug me right now. His hugs make me feel so secure and safe. The way he holds me so tightly, but delicately at the same time. There's no doubt that i have feelings for niall, but I'm not sure I'm ready to act on them yet. The first time i did it was a disaster, and way to fast. Things need to slow down and in all honesty a boyfriend seems so important right now, but i don't need to be focusing on boys, i need to focus on getting my life together.

Cleaning up this rumor.

I ran my fingers through my hair and sighed, placing my elbows on my knees, and hunching over, letting the tears drip to the floor.

They were a mix of sad tears and frustrated tears. I am just so ready to give up, it feels like everything is falling apart. To you my life may not seem that bad, but to me the slightest thing can set me off, i find myself being sad for no apparent reason sometimes i think that depression has fully taken over my life. I used to think there was hope for me, but now i see no hope, all i see is darkness, all i see is the negatives.

I was still crying silently to myself,huddled up against the wall, sitting on the hard damp floor.

I closed my eyes and took a breath. I felt a hand on my shoulder, and let the tears fall even more, I'm so alone I'm imagining someone right now.

The hand moved from my shoulder and enveloped me into a hug, at this point i knew it was real. I didn't care who it was i need this hug.

I gave in and pulled them to me with force, crying into their neck as they rubbed my back. Their hand felt so familiar to me, and his sent was almost instantly recognized.

Niall.

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I know this is like not even a chapter, but it's just sorta a filler. I'll be updating again after this, well after i get it written haha. But guys i just want to thank you so much for all your support and kindness towards this book.

I mean just writing this makes me happy. And some of the things that happen to robin in this story are based off of my real life, that's why I have such a deep connection to this story, and it makes me so happy being able to write even if you don't think it's good, or don't read. I will still write because i love it and sometimes it is the only source of happiness in my life.

One of my biggest supports throughout this book is one of my best friends Maria. She has been so supportive and active and i love her to death. I love reading her comments and her books. They are so amazayn and she is so talented so don't be shy giver her a follow and a read because she deserves it, she has never left my side and I'm great flu that she hasn't she is a talented, beautiful, kind hearted person and i love her forever and always :)

@_maria_malik_mahone_