Fading Lights: Returned Lights | Herobrine x Redrare

Part 38: The monster I made

I tried to look Notch into the eyes. I tried to watch his reaction, wanted to see what he'll do. 
He stared at me for a while in pure shock, teared up, before just smiling tiredly, seemingly calm. 
"N-Notchy, I-" 
"No, Jay.", he interrupted me gently. "It's alright." 
I hesitated, not sure what to do. "You two can keep meeting.", he added, leaning a bit onto Hero. I raised an eyebrow, worried. "You're not about to break up, are you...?", I whispered. He shook his head. "No, don't worry. I'm not breaking up." 
His voice sounded so... weak. So tired and exhausted. 
I lowered my shoulders a bit and went to him, taking his hands. Hero watched closely as I kissed him on the cheek. Notch returned the favor, making it feel real. 
I bit my tongue and looked into his eyes. They were back into the dull grey color from when he froze... 
"I'm so sorry, baby... I just needed that relief...", I whispered. He nodded calmly. "Don't apologize, Jay. It's alright." 
I couldn't shake the heavy feeling from my chest as I kept watching him softly. Something was definitely wrong, no doubt. 
"I'll head back into the infirmary. Have fun up here, you two.", he said and nudged Hero. The demon nodded and lead him back to the infirmary, pretty much carrying him the way. I watched quietly before turning to Red, who seemed to be pretty worried. He went past me and after the two males without a single word or look, just wanted to make sure they safely arrived. 
I lowered my head and went back into the bedroom, closing the door behind me. Evan pulled me into a tight hug, worried for me. "He took that surprisingly well.", he remarked as he caressed my head. I nodded weakly. "Too well for what's been happening...", I replied, tired. 
He noticed and lied down on the bed, pulling me down onto his chest. "Buddy, rest for now. Tomorrow will be a better day." 
"How is that day supposed to be better? I lied to my husband and cheated on him with you. I have given in to the desires, regardless of his feelings. I'm a horrible person and a shitty dad, what will Cody think of me when he finds out one day?", I whimpered, unable to rest like he told me to. 
He frowned softly and held me close. "Babe, don't worry. He took this well, maybe he doesn't mind too much. He loves you a lot, I doubt he wants this relationship to break because of an affair.", he tried to calm me down. I sat up. "Exactly that's why he might break this relationship, Evan! I don't want a divorce, I hurt him too much already!" 
Evan eyed me before sighing. "Hey, you're worrying too much. You're stressed and need some rest. So sleep.", he ordered. 
I bit my tongue, but laid back down and closed my eyes. My thoughts were racing, I couldn't think of anything anymore. Rest was something I couldn't even imagine, not after this. 
Fuck... Great job, Jay! You managed to disappoint everyone, your husband most likely hates your guts, and you followed in Red's footsteps. 
Hero's reaction was delayed too, but I'd deserve every kind of torture that meets me. 
I teared up a bit and bit my tongue, trying not to sob. Evander seemed to be falling asleep, I don't want to wake him up too. 
Slowly but surely I drifted into a very shallow, dreamless sleep. 

At around midnight I woke up by the sound of something falling over. A bit confused I moved off of Evan and got up from the bed, making my way to the door. 
The moonlight was the only thing that was guiding me, shining brightly through the windows. The sky was fully clear, there were no clouds, the stars were silently judging me. 
I opened the bedroom door and was met with the dark hallway. Closing the door and tapping the wall gently, I made my way to the stairs, slowly walking down. 
There was no sound, other than quiet snoring. This was weird, to say the least, but also oddly calming. 
As I made my way down the stairs, I noticed an odd shadow from one of the windows. Something was hovering about 20 centimeters off of the ground, a chair lying beside it. 
I bit my tongue and went down the last steps before freezing. 
My breathing stopped, I could feel how insanely pale I went. Cold sweat ran down my spine and I couldn't speak anymore. 
The object wasn't floating, it was hanging. Or rather, he was hanging. 
Notch's eyes were empty and emotionless, his expression similar. Tears covered his cheeks, he seemed so innocent... Like a doll that has been left in a corner... 
This wasn't real... It didn't feel real... Please tell me it is...! 
I tried to move. Tried to speak. Tried to cry. 
But I couldn't. 
My heart sunk into my pants as I tried to understand what was happening, why my husband was hanging in the middle of the hallway from a hook in the ceiling, a rope tightly laid around his neck. 
My feet moved on their own as I got closer, raised my hand and touched his cooling one, feeling the stickiness of the blood that several deep cuts spilled. Its quiet dripping burnt itself into my brain, my memory. 
At this point, I understood. And screamed. 
I screamed my lungs out, in pain and sorrow, hating everything I have done that led to this. Tears fell to the ground, I couldn't feel anything else but agony. 
This was worse than anything I could've imagined. He didn't just forgive me, he taught me a lesson. 
And paid with his own life for it. 
Red and the others ran over, hearing my scream, but I didn't acknowledge them. I didn't notice as Red grabbed my arm, wanting to pull me into a hug. I didn't notice as one of the others tried to feel a pulse on him, I didn't notice that the light was turned on, didn't notice any of the words spoken. 
All that I heard was the constant dripping and the silence, felt his cold hand and my shattered heart, saw his hanging figure and his empty eyes. 
There was nothing. No love, no hate, no pain, no happiness, no nothing. Just pure emptiness. 
My head started to hurt, I felt sick. 
This is fucked up. 
I fucked up. 
You're a fucking idiot, Jay. Betraying the one person that loved you beyond everything else, that loved you more than himself? 
I wanted to throw up. This was too much, I couldn't handle this. 
My knees gave in and I fell onto them, just staring at the person that needed me the most. 
I'm a monster... A monster that hadn't seen just how much it had hurt others. 
And now, it only sees the dead body of its husband, who would've gone through hell and back for it. 
Silently begging for forgiveness, I fell into a deep unconsciousness, my brain unable to register what has happened. 
It couldn't understand that Notch had comitted suicide.