Worlds of Waves and Shadows

Fifty Four

Rolan felt himself crumbling under the weight of their stares. It was hard not to feel their disappointment, their loathing towards him.

But he couldn't blame them.

How could he when Rolan was the one who had brought it down on himself?

Looking back, he didn't know what he had been so scared of. Why had he been so afraid of what they would think of him if he'd revealed his past?

Because this.....this seemed worse than anything that could have happened.

Rolan knew that now.

Because at the moment, his cowardliness was about to cost him everything and everyone he had come to treasure.

He could see the pain of his mistake, his 'betrayal', in those cobalt eyes through his tears.

Rolan felt his heart clench to the point that he couldn't breathe, couldn't do anything except cry and beg for their forgiveness even though he did not deserve it.

He knew it was selfish of him to wish for their understanding but, a part of him wanted to ask them whether they knew what it was like to be constantly worrying about tomorrow?

Whether they had to worry about where their next meal or a roof over their heads?

"What's next?" She asked, her lower lip quivering, "What else are you hiding, huh Rolan? Do you have a love child with her too?"

"No, Sarina....that's—"

A sharp burning sensation originating from his left cheek cut him off.

It was a familiar kind of sting. One that he'd known ever since he could walk. It had been a regular occurrence at the orphanage.

But getting slapped had never hurt so much, never stung so much that he could feel the tears welling in his eyes, the stabbing pain in his heart.

"How could you?" Kaenisa began, her hands balled into fists, almost crumpling the papers in her hands, "How could you do this to her? How could you keep this from me!?"

"Kaenisa, please. Just....just listen to me once." He begged, "Guys please just...let me explain."

"Don't talk to me again, Rolan."

The raven-haired girl that he'd come to call his best friend, who had always held good intentions in those amber eyes of hers, was now staring at him with abject disappointment.

Those words lodged themselves like a dagger in his heart as Kaenisa turned to leave, and before he knew it, so did the others.

No.

If they left now, he'd lose them forever.

"They're fake!" Rolan yelled, making them halt, "The marriage certificates....they are fake."

His friends paused, silence following his revelation.

"What?" Sarina asked.

"Yes. Sasha was...just like me, given an illusion of a choice by Ivanov. We couldn't refuse. We'd be dead had we done so. But we didn't want this life, neither of us. We had our reasons. And so we made a deal, to help each other." He explained.

"You mean to say.....that you both aren't actually married?" Zaira asked.

"No. It is easier to simply fake marriage than to forge new identities, backgrounds and go through all of the procedure for two different people." Rolan said, "You have to understand that it was either this or to spend a lifetime of being trapped here doing things I abhor."

"So now what?" Deimos questioned.

"I don't know. But there's one thing I know for sure. I would rather die than go back to living as I had. That is why....even though Atlantis doesn't feel like home and I'm still doing things that I don't understand, for someone else....I won't leave. Because I have—had you guys."

"You still do." Zaic corrected.

He looked up at the prince, astonished. Rolan had not expected Zaic to be the one to comfort him. But it gave home hope...a chance to redeem himself in the eyes of those he loved.....and his best friend, who had not even turned to look at him nor said a word after he had explained himself.

Fresh tears rose to his eyes at the thought of losing Kaenisa as his best friend because how was he supposed to get used to having no one who made him laugh till he was crying or....or knew exactly what he need when he was down?

How could he let someone who knew him better than Rolan knew himself go?

He couldn't. No. He wouldn't. He would win Kaenisa back no matter how long it would take.

"I understand, but I cannot accept it." His girlfriend said, "It would be best if we took a break."

His heart sank, the embers of hope snuffed out by her cold, harsh words.

Yet, he could not do anything but hang his head. Because he was in no position to bargain, even if it was for the love of the woman his heart beats for.

But he could not bring himself to give up on her, on their love.

Because after thinking all night, Rolan had realised that he had indeed harboured feelings for Sasha. But, he had never expected her to reciprocate his feelings. He had been content with simply helping her.

He also realised how it was different with Sarina.

Ever since the first time he had laid eyes on her, Rolan had known that he wanted her. He couldn't explain it, except that there was something that drew him to her.

She was just so....pure.

Sarina never saw him as a loser, nor did she pity him. She had simply loved him for who he was. Or rather, who he wished to be.

Silence filled the room again, broken only by the departing footsteps of the rave-haired girl.

"Kaenisa...." He called out, but she had already left.

Not even sparing him a glance.

It was hard to believe that the two of them had been chatting in his room a few hours ago.

Sarina followed suit, escorted by Zaira, who gave him a look full of understanding, surprisingly without a hint of animosity.

"She'll come around." Zaic assured, "You know how she is, just give her time."

"You believe me right?" Rolan ventured, "I didn't actually wanted to hide all of that but I couldn't just say it all out."

"We do and Kaenisa understands too, but for now, it is best for you to stay out of her way, okay?" Zaic said.

"Yeah, you trying to appease her will only make her more mad." Deimos added.

Rolan nodded, though he found it weird for him to know her so well, given that they'd met not too long ago.

"Alright, let's head back before dawn, shall w—?"

Zaic's words were lost in the deafening boom that shook the ground, incipient dread crawling up Rolan's gut.

They did not spare a second, rushing out, only to find the girls standing there, watching with growing horror as the city burned.