"...and after we watch this movie, I can order some ice cream from Walmart and we can eat until we gotta shit everything out," my mom rubbed my back.
I laid on her legs, while we relaxed on the couch. I thought coming home would soothe me and allow me to think about how to right my wrongs.
I just feel worse.
Tara's still at school feeling like crap and I lost a friend. Then here I am, damn near celebrating.
"I think I wanna take a nap first," I stated, sitting up and stretching. "I'm not feeling so good."
No. The guilt was pressing in for me.
"Well, when you wake up we need to talk about whatever drama you've gotten into. I told you if there was anymore that I'd take you out of AGHS, no matter what you said."
"I know...and that's probably for the best," I said softly.
My mom searched my face. "We'll talk after your nap."
"Okay," I nodded, trying to wrap my head around how much I wanted to tell my mom (especially the role I played in this).
I woke up on Saturday and decided that I'd go and try to sit down with Tara. We used to be friends once upon a time, she'd hear me out despite everything, right?
I knew I couldn't avoid the conversation me and my mom needed to have much longer, so before my mom could crack the first egg for breakfast, I was standing at the counter, mixed emotions going through me.
"Can we talk?"
"About time," my mom said, sitting down the brown egg on the chopping block.
"I wasn't doing Tara right," I admitted, "I was starting a lot of stuff and...don't get me wrong, she was too, but a lot of this is my fault. I really think I missed up the friendship that we had before based on my reaction to our moment, not even her's. I know you expect me to...be good, because as your daughter, that's the only way you see me," I stared down at the counter, "but I wasn't being good. I wanna go and talk to Tara today and do the right thing."
Finally coming clean to my mother about my behavior felt like a weight off of my shoulders.
"Gialla," my mom sighed, disappointment heavy in her eyes.
"She wasn't bullying me," I confirmed.
"Gialla, go ahead but don't get your ass beat," she decided, going back to her cooking. "I raised you to be honorable, tough, and strong. I raised you on tough love and I won't stop now, even if you made a mistake. Come here." She kissed me on the forehead, giving me a hug, then tapping my ass. "Don't be at that school acting a fool next time."
"Yes ma'am," I laughed.
"I raised you on the word of..."
I walked down the hall and went back to my room to get dressed, ignoring the little rant that she was probably going on and on with. I threw on something quick, not really caring what it was, and put my black durag over my twists, some slight insurance in case Tara did want to throw down and she got to pulling hair.
I grabbed my phone and headed for the front door, slipping into my Jordan's at the door.
"You leaving without food?" my mom called out, "I checked my phone before I got out the bed this morning and it's one hundred and..."
I closed the door softly behind me and pulled out my phone, sitting on the ground by my mom's Welcome mat and texting Nolina.
I was surprised that she didn't have me blocked, but I guess that showed she really didn't think about me anymore.
