It was Friday morning, I was still 17, I was at my dad's, and I had nowhere to be in the middle of September. I decided I'd return to school the next week instead of today so I could adjust amongst all the turmoil in my life.
My first full day back from jail.
I already know school's gonna be stressful.
I start my first round of counseling one Friday, so I'll still be stuck with my old coping methods of dealing with my anger and drama until then. The looks I'll get, because word about everything spreads fast in Houston. The isolation, and the judgment. But at least I'll have Caren and Tara. Fuck everybody else. Let them walk in the shoes I've been sliding in damn near all year.
It's easy to judge when you can't put shit into perspective, and personally, being able to put shit into perspective makes me a stronger bitch than that person could ever be.
Caren hadn't been able to come to court yesterday like Tara did because she was still getting it from her parents about participating in some minor trouble concerning her hitting Adrianna and her getting into it with Nolina a few times when I was gone. I was really looking forward to seeing her this evening though, when we'd all meet up at Tara's place and have some peace during all this chaos.
It's crazy how high school could be more brutal than jail was.
I laid in the bed my father freshly bought me, some pink kiddy theme as my bed set, the room a pale pastel shade. I was annoyed about it, but didn't want to give him too much hell. I had the window slightly open, reading an older book I had found on the empty wooden shelf.
I was gonna return to school with a new mindset. All that anger I was holding inside and all that fighting I had been doing would go down the drain and the therapy would only steadily improve it. Things just would be a whole lot easier if I didn't have to hear about Nolina and Felicity talking crap all the time. They didn't like each other, but they sure acted a whole lot alike.
I was bored...and lonely here.
I really wished that Tara could skip school again, but her in trouble and disobeying the rules would mean less time I have to spend with her in the future and the chance of her graduating on time lessened.
I gotta stop being so self-absorbed.
Monday morning, it was raining lightly. I left the "shack" as I had started calling my dad's place in a grey nylon jacket and some black nylon sweats. I looked like a whole black and white movie, but I didn't really care. For the first time all year probably, I wore my hair in a twist out, something I had spent my time doing almost all night.
In hind sight, I should've checked the forecast.
Not content on knowing my twist out would probably be a hot mess by the time I reached AGHS because of the weather, I picked my hair out in the car for the entire time it took my dad to get to the campus.
I text Caren and Tara as soon as I arrived, nerves and butterflies bouncing through me like it was my first day of 9th grade or some shit all over again.
I stepped out of the vehicle, jogging my way all the way to the front of the building until I was under some sort of covering from the rain.
All eyes on Gialla. Or do I just imagine that?
Instead of ducking my head low like I wanted to when I pulled up with Adrianna on my arm back in August, I held my head high, remembering some of the kind advice such a cruel person gave me.
I walked the halls alone. As it felt I always have, until I reached Tara and Caren, a sight I thought I'd never see in all of my high school years, standing together and waiting on me.
"Hey y'all."
"Girl, you look different," Caren commented, grey eyeliner lining her brown eyes, her hair in long braids, wearing a cute black dress with a grey corset.
"For the better?" I asked her, laughing.
"Yes. This one's been whining about you. She misses you," she pointed her thumb back at Tara.
Tara gave me a soft smile, not afraid to hug me tight, her hand slipping down to my ass.
"Hey, keep it PG. You gonna scare the kids," Caren stated sourly.
"Fuck what anybody else thinks. They haven't seen this shit before, but they finna see it today. Alyssum better get used to us," I told Caren.
"Well, shittt, excuse me," she laughed, her tone all playful, giving me a hug too. "You better tell 'em."
"Where's Nolina?" I asked her.
"What?" Tara moved Caren out the way before she could say anything, standing in front of me, her eyes serious. "Gialla, I thought you learned your lesson. You not gonna fight her right?"
"I did learn my lesson," I told the both of them, "And I wanna talk to her."
"Nahh, nahh...you might be on yo bettering yourself shit, but shawty is most definitely not. Your words won't be able to get through to Lina," Tara shook her head.
"I think that if Gialla could turn her shit around, then Nolina can too," Caren laid a hand on my shoulder, standing by my side and sending Tara a challenging look. Thanks for backing me up, Caren.
"Fine. But I'll be there to break anything up. I don't want you in anything, Gi," she pointed at me, coming to my other side and holding my hand.
"Thanks, Tara," I murmured, giving her a soft kiss on the mouth.
"Man. Felicity finna be pissed," Caren shook her head. "Are you gonna try and reason with her too?"
"No. She's a different breed."
"They both been talking shit equally."
"I don't care. With Nolina, I see some hope that she'll listen to me. With Felicity, it'll go in one ear and go off trail to a whole 'nother part of her body. Prolly her hands," I scoffed. "She always ready to fight."
"And you weren't?"
"But I'm not anymore. I'm serious," I promised them, looking between Caren and Tara.
"Wait until lunch. I'm sure that's when Nolina will make her grand appearance," Tara stated.
"Nolina's here, Felicity's back from whatever hole she crawled out of after our almost fight, and the only person who's missing is Adrianna. If I you was old you, we could each fight one of them. But I know new you just wanna talk," Caren informed me. "I guess Felicity wasn't kicked out after all like the rumors said. Maybe she's just been getting suspended a lot lately."
"We'll see how long this lasts," Tara stated, giving me an unsure look.
How long what lasts, I thought.
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