"I'm back," I said, slowly closing the counselor's door behind myself as I took a seat.
"Hopefully a lot more respectful this time through," she gave me a knowing look, although her tone was stern.
"Yes," I sighed, settling into the chair.
"I understand you have your counseling the day after tomorrow," she clapped her hands together. "Are you excited?"
"I wouldn't say excited, but...I'm ready," I nodded, actually feeling that content feeling inside of me, "I'm ready to be a new Gialla."
"Well, I'm proud of you. You've come a long way since the raging fireball you once were. I'm rooting for you, Gialla," she waved her hand around, like she was swinging around a shirt. Her personality was still a bit too happy for me, but what's wrong with that? That just shows what a grumpy bitch I am, and exactly why I need to change.
Plus, she was a good shoulder to lean on, whether old me wanted to admit that or not.
"Me and Tara got into it. Not like...before," I explained, "but in a big argument." I loosely told her what had happened, leaving out the rather...school inappropriate parts and milking it into something else. After years of pretending to be innocent in my mom's eyes, I had that craft perfected.
"Hm," she nodded, studying me.
"What do you think? I mean, how can I handle something like that. I felt like it was the right thing to do as far as my friends. I couldn't just be doing all types of shit with Tara and not feel bad whenever I looked Nolina in the face. Tara might be coldhearted like that, but I am not. I couldn't still mess around with Tara behind Nolina's back. Especially cause we're cool now."
"And nothing's wrong with being soft in the heart. There's a different between being guarded and setting boundaries. You're realizing that difference, and maybe Tara loved the old you more than the new you."
"I was stupid and naive to go from fighting her to loving her," I sniffled, "it just sucks because my heart's in the middle of all of this. Even Nolina's, if you think about it."
"I'll let you in on a little secret," she adjusted herself in her chair. "Did you notice how you and Tara had fifth period together this year? When you hadn't had any classes together since ninth grade?"
"Yeah," I shrugged, getting out of my feelings and trying to see what she was getting at.
"I placed you two in there together, hoping that for senior year, you'd let bygone be bygones, or at least become mature with one another. You might not have noticed it at first, but you gradually worked things out." Oh, so she tried to play matchmaker? "You guys probably would have remained cordial throughout the year because of that class, if I hadn't forgotten to factor in the fact that you might fall for each other."
"Damn. That makes sense," I chuckled. "I was wondering why y'all had me in there with her. That was like a match made in hell."
"Well," she smiled, "at least I tried."
"I don't think we can mend things," I admitted. "I just wanna coexist peacefully. Where there's Tara, there's drama, you know? And maybe some of it is me. But I can't be doing all of that now that I'm trying to change. I mean, I want to change, but this is also being forced on me. I mean, I'm not tryna go back to jail, you know?"
"No, no. None of that, right," she agreed.
"So what can I do?" I sighed, "I'm really listening this time. And I'm not gonna blow up on you like before."
"Listen to your heart, Gialla," she told me simply. "If all of the other methods don't work for you. Listen to your heart. Now, I know you have enough sense not to listen to your heart as far as staying with Tara...but as far as everything else, your heart knows baby."
