Graduation day. A day filled with joy, laughter, and undeniable anxiety for some. And dread, regret, and distressing shame for others.
I was a mixture of the two.
"She's not even here...and she still has a hold over me," I whispered, walking towards the gym where we'd all be packed into very soon, while crowds of adults and children alike bored holes into each of our caps until we threw them in the air like confetti. "It's like her lack of presence made today worse. I thought it'd be horrible if she was here...but no," I scoffed darkly.
"Don't think about it too much, okay," Tara patted my back affectionately.
"Heyyy. I'm so nervous. I feel like my eyebrows are sweating off," Caren whispered, coming up to me and Tara.
"Places, everybody!" one of the teachers on the sidelines hissed.
"Okay, I gotta go. And you look fine, Caren," I assured her, even though I'm sure I had more worries than anyone else in here right now. My assurances felt like lies floating off my tongue right about now. I can't even calm myself down, why would I believe me?
"Where's Nolina?" I asked, as she walked me to my spot. The parents would be in soon, along with everyone else. We were being rushed by the admin, and the severity they put into us shutting the fuck up felt obnoxious to a lot of us in the moment. They wanted us in our places before everyone came in.
This is high school, ma'am, not college.
"She can't walk. You didn't hear?" Tara whispered.
"Nooo. Really?"
"Let Felicity get into it with her and they're just gonna read her name. Her, um, stuff will be mailed to her. The fight was pretty bad. I think she's even been banned from campus."
"No way. No wonder she's been MIA all morning," my eyes widened. "Nolina...she's my friend and all, but the bitch can be pushed over like- like a sheet of paper. Ain't no way she handled Felicity's hands of steel."
"Probably embarrassed or pissed off," Tara shrugged. "Lina got her ass handed to her, but she had some good hits in too and she instigated the shit...well, as far as what they saw on camera."
"Gialla," a teacher passing by said, seeing me talking.
"Girl...don't even play with me right now. I'm not finna be a AGHS student in a few minutes, and I'm not scared to use my fists to make the most of those new precious seconds."
"Gialla, you're being rude," Tara whispered, walking away to her spot.
"Ma'am," I added, secretly pleased with myself as the teacher walked off with a sour expression.
"Gialla! Gialla!"
I looked around, frowning and trying to figure out who could be calling my name across the gym up in the bleachers. Maybe it was the relative I was staying with now calling me. But no...that voice sounded familiar.
"Alright," someone tapped on the microphone, the sound screeching across the building.
My eyes darted to the front of the makeshift stage, ignoring whoever was shouting my name. Probably one of the countless haters of mine. My heart saddened for a moment though, that Nolina couldn't enjoy this experience with the rest of her friends.
Another part of me felt a little satisfied though, because of all the bullshit she put me and Tara through. I don't know what type of friend that makes me...but I do know that I wanna change that feeling.
"Welcome to the Alyssum Grove High School graduation for the Class of _ _ _ _," the principal smiled around, making some eye contact with a few random people. "I hope that we can all go through this experience as painlessly as possible and congratulate our new graduates in styleee."
He went on talking, trying to ease the crowd up a bit before it turned into the name calling portion of the ceremony. The monotone part.
I sat there limply, my eyes glazing over as the principal went by in alphabetical order. I don't think I've even seen this man outside of his office more than twenty times this school year.
I felt something hit me, and I scrunched up my nose, trying to find the source of the object. It was a paper airplane for sure and I saw someone standing up, waving their arms around as people have them dirty looks.
I squinted trying to see who it was.
Felicity? Nolina? Adrianna, even?
"Gialla Collins," the principal called.
My eyes shot to the front of the gym, my body freezing. I gulped, standing as all eyes focused on me. I smoothed down my gown, and started walking slowly.
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