After the cops came that day, my father was thrown into prison for a very long time. My mother also had to do some time and pay some fines. She'll be out right before my graduation, but as I walk out of the gym for my cap and gown fitting and mesh into the crowds of kids walking the school halls, I still haven't decided if I want her to attend it yet or not.
I moved in with another distant relative temporarily, and it is much further from my school, but luckily I'm still able to attend AGHS for the remainder of my senior year.
"Hey," Tara wrapped her arms around me and picked me up as soon as she saw me, making me turn into this big giggling mess.
"How was it?"
Tara still had a few more things to complete for school before they'd let her do her fitting. I can take partial fault for her falling so behind in school.
"It took forever, but I was glad to miss fourth," I admitted. Me and Tara still weren't anything. I was standing firm by my decision for us to date after high school. If she couldn't put her sole focus on me, then she wouldn't be reaching girlfriend status.
"Nolina and Caren are already at lunch. They wanna sit outside today," Tara informed me.
"It's too damn hot fa that shit," I grumbled.
"When it starts cooling down, then you'll be wishing for the heat," Tara chuckled.
"Ugh," I groaned, "I just got a message. My mom might be released on the day of graduation."
"You think she'll turn some shit up?"
"I don't know, man. I just don't have time for all that...drama," I shook my head.
"She started the whole arresting each other thing," Tara shrugged.
"Right...if she had never called the cops on me then half the shit that has happened wouldn't have happened the way that it has," I explained.
"Take the stress," she said slowly, giving me a meaningful glance, "off your shoulders. And think about that special day in your life when you walk across that stage, Gi. When life starts to really move for you."
"I don't know if I can do big things, Tee. I'm scared," I admitted.
"I got a surprise for you. On the night of graduation," she smirked.
I gave her a look. "It bet not be nothing crazy, Tara."
"It wouldn't be a surprise if it wasn't something out of the ordinary, honey."
"Then don't surprise me. I've had enough of those this school year," I grumbled.
She touched my face softly. "I think you'll like it."
"So, to conclude your final therapy session with me, what can you say you learned from this experience, I'd you'd call it that, Gialla?" my court appointed counselor inquired.
I sat in front of her desk, my hands folded across my lap as my backpack sat besides me, the practice drills for graduation still heavy in my mind as it wandered.
"Um..."
Think quick, think quick.
"I've learned how to manage my emotions...better. My problem wasn't that I wasn't expressing them, I was just doing it in all the wrong ways."
"So you agree that you're calmer? More sound-minded? That you won't physically attack anyone else?"
"Yes-
"Alright. This sounds like the last session you'll be having with me then," she gave me a weary smile, turning off the recording app on her Motorola. "I'll just do the paper work and you can be on your way." On another note, she then gave me a firm look, "I don't want to have to see you again, Ms. Collins. Please keep doing the right things."
"Oh, you don't have to worry about that," I gave her a wide smile, bouncing up and yelling bye to her as I left.
"Bye!" she called out as I yanked out my phone and text Tara that I was finally free.
Free to have my Friday's completely to myself.
I felt unbound and untamed...but wiser than I had at the beginning of these long months. As I waited for Tara to pick me up on the curb, I reflected on all that I had really learned about my anger during this time. What caused it, what encouraged it- what I did when I was in that state of mind. And how to express it more freely- without hurting anyone else.
Especially myself.
I wasn't bullshitting my mind the way I was bullshitting that lady back there. I know that I haven't learned everything there could be about myself and how to stay out of mess. But at least I'm making the steps towards something better.
Hopefully....with Tara Jonas by my side one day.
Even if we never end up dating...I know that her heart is pure. It always has been...I was just too close minded to see it.
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