An unexpected love || Ant x Stephen

PTSD - Chapter Twenty one

It's been 2 weeks since the accident, Ant was able to have his cast off earlier than expect but he still needed to use a cane to walk whilst his ribs healed fully, and as far as Stephen and Dec were aware Ant was handling the whole situation pretty well. That was until Stephen started noticing things that never used to happen before.

It was Stephens day off today, so he decided to spend the day with Ant, make sure everything was okay. The day started off really well, until something happened. "Hey Ant?" Stephen asked as he laid his hand on the older man's shoulder, which in turn made Ant flinch, at first Stephen thought maybe he just didn't see his hand moving, and he let it go, but continued to keep an eye out. "Yeah?" Ant replied as his breathing evened out, Stephen started to get a bit worried but didn't want to make a big deal out of it, if it wasn't anything. "uh..." he started still unable to forget what just happened and he paused for a moment until Ant clapped him out of his thoughts "sorry...um what do you want for dinner tonight?" he asked "i don't mind, i mean if you don't feel like cooking we could order something?" Stephen nodded his head and went upstairs as Ant order Chinese.

Whilst Stephen was upstairs, he didn't really do anything, he just sat there. He was trying to think whether or not he was worrying over nothing with Ant. Eventually he decided to just go down stairs and try and forget that it happened and not make a big deal out of it, but no matter how hard he tried he couldn't just 'forget' about it. "Stevie?!" Ant shouted up stairs "I'm ordering food, what do you want?" as Ant shouted up stairs Stephen came running down he walked up behind Ant and laid his hand on his shoulder which made the older man flinch again and pretty much jump away from Stephen, which he had never really done, he's flinched at his touch before but this time, he looked scared. As if he thought Stephen was going to hurt him, and this time Stephen didn't just forget about it or let it go.

"Ant?" Stephen asked worriedly, he didn't know what was happening. He'd notice this happening quite a bit since he got home from the hospital, he didn't know whether or not it was something to worry about but once Ant did it to Stephen, and looked at the younger man with fear in his face, as if he would ever hurt him, it broke Stephens heart. He knew deep down Ant knew that He would never hurt him but the look on his face at this very moment, he couldn't help but think that he thought he was going to hurt him.

Ant stared at Stephen with a half blank and half scared expression on his face, he didn't know what to say to explain this, he knew the younger man would never hurt him, but for some reason the moment he felt the mans hand on his shoulder he got this scary feeling in the pit of his stomach that someone was about to hit him. He was terrified and when he turned back to face Stephen, he could see the concern and worry on his face, and he didn't know how to explain this.

"I- i'm..." he started not knowing where this sentence was going, and it didn't go anywhere he couldn't finish the sentence. He just walked off, he just went outside and sat outside and tried to get his thoughts in place. He sat there thinking to himself 'what is going on with me!' He was so confused, he didn't know what to do or how to handle this.

Eventually Ant went back in the house but didn't say anything to Stephen, he just went straight up stairs, avoiding the younger man in the kitchen. He snook upstairs, got changed and then got straight in to bed. About 20 minutes later Stephen came up to go to bed and when he got up there he was surprised to see Ant, as he didn't hear him come in, He assumed he was still outside waiting for him to go to bed before he came up. He tried to be as quiet as possible as not to wake up the older man, but even when he did accidentally wake up Ant, he pretend to still be asleep as to avoid any questions Stephen may or may not have.

It was about 2:45am when Stephen was woken up by the older man kicking him in his sleep, he eventually heard the younger man mumble under his breath "let go" and then continued to repeat "let me go" as Ant started to move around as if he was tied up or unable to move, trying to escape something. Stephen didn't know what to do, should he wake him up? How should he wake him up without harming Ant or himself? When at one point Stephen was looking over at the man who was clearly having a nightmare, as he tried to decide what to do, He looked away for a moment to look out the window and when he looked back to Ant all he could see was Ants hand flying towards his face, when it eventually hit him right in the nose, which is when Ant finally woke up.

"Shit" Stephen said holding his nose as Ant sat up straight "what happened?" Ant asked worried, not seeming to remember the nightmare "you punched me" Stephen said confused but his main concern was with Ant "Ant, what's going on?" He asked still holding his nose, he didn't care what just happened he just wanted to know what was going on with Ant, when Stephen asked that question Ant just looked away "no more ignoring it now Ant. Okay, you flinch whenever anyone touches you, your having nightmares...I mean please talk to me?" Stephen asked worried for the older man's safety, and as Ant took a deep breath in getting ready to explain, he immediately got a sickly feeling in his stomach. "I-" was all he was able to get out when he had to run to the toilet because he felt like he was going to be sick.

Stephen ran after him worried more than ever now, he didn't know what was going on with him and he wanted to help him get through whatever he was going through but he couldn't do that unless Ant talked to him, told him what was going on. He'd tried to give Ant space, tried to give him time to try and figure it out on his own but enough was enough, he had given him space and time but now he was just getting more worried.

"Ant!!" Stephen shouted to the older man as he ran out of the bedroom and into the toilet and just as Stephen got there Ant slid down onto the floor next to the toilet. "Ant what's going on?" Stephen said worried but also firmly not leaving till he got an explanation from the man. "I can't do anything." Ant said leaving the other man slightly confused "what?" Ant looked down to the floor as his brain tried to form any sort of sentence that could explain this to Stephen "I can't do anything...without it some how reminding me of what happened. Someone touches me, places a hand on my shoulder" he said thinking back to Earlier "I flinch...I think that someone's going to hurt me again...I get random flash backs and panic attacks thinking about it...I get nightmares, but never usually this bad." He finished as he took a breath in "I hurt you stevie..." he said under his breath and Stephen knelt down in front of him and looked at Ant with sympathy and love "Ant...I'm fine, your not. You need help, you need to talk to someone." Stephen started "what if this keeps happening? What if I hurt you again?" Ant asked sounding paranoid as if it was inevitable to happen "Ant, you need to talk to someone and i don't mean me or Dec, I mean a professional" he said looking at Ant with a mix of worry, concern and love "you mean therapy?" He asked nervously.

He didn't want to go to therapy that meant he had to admit something was wrong that something actually happened that affected him this badly and he would have to tell someone, other than Dec, about him and Stephen. He would have to explain the whole story, and that scared him, all he could think was what if this therapist told someone else and then they told someone and all of a sudden everyone knew. He knew that there was a client confidentiality agreement but his brain couldn't help but go into that thought process.

"Ant...your not okay. I think you have PTSD and that means you need to talk to someone, you need help, and I know that's hard to admit. It's hard to admit that there's something wrong and that you need help but right now, that's what you need. I'm only saying this because I love you Ant and I want you to get better but if you don't do this then it will only get worse" Stephen stared at Ant extremely scared and worried, he wanted him to get better and this was the only way. Ant stared at Stephen, seeing the genuine concern in the man's eyes and all he said was "okay." And that was enough for a huge smile to grow on Stephens face. "It will get better Anth I promise" he said as he pulled the Geordie man into an embrace and planted a kiss on his forehead.