Love Out Loud

Prologue

The voice echoed in his head over and over again,this time around the dimension between reality and dream was very slim because he could not just see the difference anymore, painful memories flooded his head as he tossed and turned,the voice that echoed in his head was none other than that of his father,he could still see his face,the disgust and hatred in those deep brown eyes and he shook

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"You are a failure,not my son at all,I can never have a disgrace like you as a son"his father spat,he looked at his father in pains and tried to explain"Dad,you misunderstood,it's not what you think,I swear I did not do it"but what he got was a slap,a slap that sent him face straight into the wall"let this be the last day you'll call me father, you're no son of mine,I knew your mother was a slut,I was right to have done away with her,she must have gotten you from a fling between her many lovers,you don't look like me in anyway,you took after your whore of a mother and you didn't even do it far from home you choose to do it at home,what a disgrace

"he did not have any way to convince his father anymore,it no longer made sense,his father's words made him remember what his uncle has said that night"yea,scream your father is my younger brother and remember it's your word against mine,no body will believe you"and it seems he was right,his father rejected him since then and regarded him as an abomination and a mistake,he didn't hide his hatred and disgust, beating him whenever he wants to relieve his frustration somewhere, another memory came rushing into his mind,his father had come back one night drunk and drenched in sweat,he was sitting in the living room waiting for his father to return,his elder sister had gone to bed,but he had regretted his decision because immediately his father saw him he had pounced on him hitting him without reason,he had ended up breaking some ribs and having a concussion,he had escaped into the rain that night,no where in mind or sight to go, and he was just twelve,he had fallen on the street,he woke up the next morning in a hospital,he had asked for help but when his father came and saw the doctor all the sympathy they had for him disappeared,only God knows what he had told them because they immediately discharged him and let him go home with his father, since then he had kept his pain to himself,the kicking and beatings got worse and worse but no body cared in the neighborhood,no body turned listening ears towards his plea,so he became the suffer in silence type,he turned and tossed and finally sat up drenched in sweat

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"Scream no body will help you,it's still gonna be as usual, you're going to get hit and hated,why not be a good boy and do it the way you've always done it, struggling only makes me want it more"he swallowed the bile that rose in his throat and shrunk away from the man's groping hands,he felt dirty afterwards,so dirty food does not taste like food and he cried for his mama"I wish you were here,I hate you for leaving,you promised to be here protecting your little boy,why would you make a promise you know you'll never be able to keep,I trusted you'll never leave but you left,why?"that has always been his questions,

why,why,why,why always him?he wanted love,he craved for love but that was his bad luck,he never had it,he screamed so loud his head hurt,he was in that place again,void of emotion, feeling like an animal, wanting to tear something into pieces,it was dark,so dark he was going crazy,a little light on the other side and he started running after it,but just when he was about touching it it vanished, like it was never there in the first place
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He looked around and laughed bitterly,reality hitting him in the skull,he was in prison,no longer twelve,no longer innocent or weak but still very conscious of what happened to him when he was twelve,the orange cloth on him bringing him awareness of why he was here in the first place