Love Out Loud

Forgive myself (Derek's POV)

Hi! So sorry for late update, I've been so busy at work and I've been sick too,all my body hurt and I've been having strange dreams, seeing Jungkook and Taehyung ahh I hope they are safe,my dreams have been really weird I don't have anyone to talk to about it, anyways let's go read a mind💜💜💜

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That awful annoying sound was no longer there, everywhere was quiet and peaceful but my body ache,my head hurt and me trying to open my eyes makes it hurt more,I fight against the pains and ache as I gradually open my eyes,it was dark,my throat was parched and so dry,I tried moving my body and winced,it hurts,so much,all my body was protesting,

I tried looking for the edge of the bed to grab on and my hand touched a head filled with silky hair,I hummed as I gently sink my fingers into the soft hair seriously I don't know what I was doing but it felt right and soothing,I hear a groan before the owner of the head lifted his eyes and I see different emotions cross his face

"Ba..by" he choked and I see tears run down his face,I raise my brow at him, wanting to tell him not to cry but I could not open my mouth,I tried swallowing and winced again as pain slash through me,he quickly stood up and rushed to the small table at the edge of the bed,he returned with a glass of water and a straw"take little sips baby"his voice still shook as if he wanted to roll on the floor and cry,his fingers shook as he placed the straw in my mouth and I take little sips,I sign at the soothing effect,it was warm and trickled down slowly down my sore throat,he took the water away when he felt I've had enough and looked into my eyes

"Oh God, I'm sorry baby, I'm so sorry"and he began crying again and I get confused,why was he crying?I should be the one begging for forgiveness for trying to take the easy way out even when I knew my absence would only complicate things,I look at him as he held my hand in his and cry,I don't know how to comfort him,so I just let him cry maybe it would make him feel better,he suddenly raised his head in panic and stared into my eyes

"Baby?are you okay now?tell me where hurts okay, should I get the doctor? I think I should get the doctor,yes I should get the doctor"he stood up immediately and was out the door,I see silhouette of some other people in the room but my brain is so jumbled together that I can't even figure out who they were,after a while the door was pushed open and a familiar looking doctor came in"hey Mr Derek"he smiled at me"sorry this could hurt"what would hurt?I didn't have time to question myself further as I wince and shut my eyes as light flooded the room,the doctor hurried to my side and began checking vitals and stuff"doctor he's not saying anything,his he okay?"the doctor smiled and looked at him"of course but we will conduct tests immediately to find out if anything is out of place,if you're bothered about him not saying anything then you don't have to be worried, he's not spoken a word for three weeks it's normal for him to be quiet as he woke up okay?"

I see him shake his head vigorously"you don't understand,he looks at me as if confused of who I am,do you think he forgot me?"I internally wince,that idiot,he thinks I forgot him,I shake my head at his stupidity,how can I forget the person whose existence brought me back to life,I signed and groan as pain shook through my back immediately I put my weight on it,in an instant he was at my side"where does it hurt?I think his back hurts since he's been lying on it for so long, can you have that room at the end of the corridor prepared? I'll like you to move him to a normal bed"the doctor immediately nodded and went away, Eric sits beside me playing with my hair"honey?are you okay?I know it's been awhile but I want to hear you speak to me,I miss your voice"he looked into my eyes and frowned

"Did your eyes get greener?it looks so beautiful, like the forest, maybe it's because I've not seen it for a long time,baby"he rubbed his nose on my shoulder as if inhaling"ahh you smell of antiseptic and drugs"yea he was definitely smelling me,I felt like whacking him across the head but he looked so sad,I wish I could say something to make him realize I could never forget him for the world,the doctor came in with two nurses and a wheelchair"carefully lift him okay?"I was gently pulled up from the bed and gosh it felt like I was paralyzed,none of my limbs were working,I must have looked scared because the doctor immediately began assuring me

"You don't have to be bothered okay, you've been laying on a spot for a while your body appears dead but don't worry,all you need is few body massage and stretches and you'll be back to normal"I was lowered on the wheelchair and Eric insisted on pushing it, when we approached the door I saw Xavier and Smith cuddled together on the single sofa and I knew how inconvenient it must be so I pointed at them hoping Eric would understand,he gives me a nod and spoke to the doctor"I'll have to come back for them, maybe you could get another mattress"we were standing in a very big room and believe me it doesn't look like a hospital room,the bed was so big I'm sure it could sleep six people with hassle,I was placed on the bed and I motioned for Eric to come,I swallowed when he came

"The.... bed .....s...big"he nodded smiling so much I was afraid for his cheeks,he still didn't understand what I wanted but was so happy I had said words,I shook my head and continued even though it hurts"them....let...them..stay....with me"he nodded vehemently and I was afraid for his head this time,why his he so excited? I looked at the doctor as my stomach rumbled"hun..gry" the doctor had tears in his eyes"yea I know but you'll have to take just water until the morning sir"I nodded,Eric was jumping everywhere,he quickly hurried out of the room and came back with Smith clinging to him like a koala,I smiled,he laid him beside me and instinctively Smith cuddled into my side,I see him sign and mutter

"Derek?"

Before he began snoring softly,I wanted to cry,Eric came back grunting as he pulled a grumbling but definitely sleeping Xavier into the room,I knew there was no way he could carry  Xavier,the boy was built like a Rock,he gently pushed him on the bed at my other side once his head touched the pillow he yawned and stretched,his eyes still closed he started searching for something to cuddle,he has always been like that,he can't sleep without cuddling into a body or a pillow,once his hands found me he moved closer,I was surprised because the moment his head rested on my chest he frowned and was touching me everywhere"Papa?hmm Papa's here?"the tears I was holding in before came like a flood and I was wondering if this guys has a connection with my soul or something,I see him smile as he snuggled closer to me still muttering my name and signing with pleasure with smile on his face,I gently pulled him closer and kissed is forehead,he cooed and I heard soft snores,I looked up to see Eric wiping his eyes and looked at him as if I didn't know him,his eyes became wide open as he pulled on the doctor

"Wait, seriously why his he looking at me like that?did he remember them and forgot me?no no no,you can't forget me, I'm sorry,I deserve it but please, don't forget me"he was full on crying now and I signed shaking my head as he came to me rubbing fingers into my hair,I caught his hand gently and he looked at me with panic,what is he thinking right now? his lips were quivering as I looked into his eyes,I saw guilt,shame,hate, confusion and fear alot of emotions dancing in those eyes and I could not help but feel sad,he thought I would reject him,so I whispered into his ears as loud as my throat could help me

"Even if I was reborn a thousand times and ten thousand years over and over again, I'll never forget you Eric,my love"and he broke down, sobbed like a baby,the doctor and nurses excused us, Eric cried in my arms and I held him until sleep took me again,I was content, happy and grateful to God,he brought me back,what would I have done if I had truly left this amazing people?but I was still confused,why did he hurt me so much with his words if he didn't mean it?,well that was a question for another day,I was happy to be here,with all of them in my arms,so I forgive myself

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Ah Derek is awake!!! I'm relieved,but is there still some drama? definitely yes!!!see you later byeeee❤️❤️❤️