Love Out Loud

Pray!!!(Eric's POV)

Hi! Happy New Year,ahh, I'm so sorry I left this story,the thing is I traveled and I could not write because there was no service where I was,but I'm back,sooo let's go...I hope you had a lovely Christmas and marvelous new year anyways 💚💚💚

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It has been three hours and no sign of the doctors coming out,all i could do was pace around the hospital floor,if i thought Derek wanted to kill himself by drowning before i had to think again,i clenched my fist so that i would not shout out my frustration,i was tired and drained,i began questioning myself,why did I even say those words to him?I knew just how fragile he was and all he had gone through,I knew for my sake he was trying to be better,he never missed a doctor's appointment,he never stopped taking his meds even when he was tired of them,he never stopped taking care and loving me,he never stopped smiling even though he had nothing to smile about but just in few minutes,

few minutes I shattered all the courage he had put into recovering,what did I expect was going to happen when I said those words?"stupid, stupid,stupid,fuck"I muttered to my idiotic brain which betrayed me by not holding my mouth shut, for not refraining me from making this heavy blunder I just made,I shut my eyes as tears sprang to my eyes again,I remembered how pale he looked in that tub and fear filled me up,what if he does not make it?no no no,he has to,he just has to, Xavier will never forgive me if anything happens to Derek,

as if summoned Xavier rushed into the hospital,his long golden locks running around because he didn't tie it and I almost smiled at how much he looked like Derek but his fist connecting with my jaw snapped my mind back to the present"what did you do?,what the fuck did you do?"he shoved me and I was wondering how he became this strong, like father like son,I would have teased him for his strength if the situation was not as it was right now"where is he?where is my father?"he screamed and I see tears spill from his eyes,I begin to wonder how he knew because I made sure not to call him,then I remembered I had broken Derek's door to get him out and the blood was still in the bathroom

"I'm sorry Xavier, I'm sorry"he whirled around and would have punched me again if Smith hadn't held him back but even so he shoved Smith away as he screamed to my face"sorry doesn't cut it,what does this note mean,just what did you do to him to make him see himself as a burden,he thought him leaving would make our lives better,what the hell did you say to him?"this time Smith wasn't fast enough to hold him because his fist connected with my face and god I tasted blood immediately,the boy was strong for a boy his age,

I saw him break down as he cried harder tossing the paper to me"you got what you wanted,you can be at peace now,you can have as many lovers as you crave and he'll not be there to hold you back,to think he was doing you and me a favor by taking his own life?oh god what will I do without him?"he was a crying mess in Smith's arm, even Smith was shooting me deadly glares through his tears,just then a doctor hurried towards us"hey Mr Eric"I quickly rushed to him"please refrain from violence here this is a hospital,I know there are lots of issues but please let's be calm"he faced me again"the thing is he is in a critical stage I'm not going to lie to you,if it was just the blood loss it would have been better but we found drugs in his system,this drugs where supposed to be taken gradually to limit his depression but he swallowed the whole bottle, we're trying our best to flush out his system but we need to transfused blood into his system since he lost much and I'm sorry we  don't have his blood type here"

I quickly rushed forward"I'll donate for him"I was roughly pulled away by Xavier"never will I allow your blood flow through his veins,sit and be happy, doctor I have same blood as him, he's my Dad, please let's go"the doctor looked at him with sympathy and quickly left with him,I sat on the floor and cried and that was when I heard Xavier's voice"you better pray,pray and pray nothing happens to him,pray he survive this because if he doesn't I'll be your worst nightmare"and then he left,I collapse to the ground and cry,if I had known it would be this way I would not have opened my disgusting mouth to say anything, even if Xavier didn't carry out his threat I knew there was no way I would be alive if Derek didn't make it,so I pray for the both of us that he survive, I'm not afraid to die but he should not die for my foolishness,I want him to survive,I want to see those pretty green eyes again, so I pray in my heart with tears streaming down my face and pain in my heart,I crawl to the paper on the ground and read it and my hurt was broken all over again,it read:

  My lovely Eric,I was blessed anew the day god brought you back into my life,all it took was one childhood kiss to seal me with you forever, and when I had lost hope again you were there a beacon of hope, getting me out if prison even when I could not remember you ,I hate how things has turned out,I know how burdensome I had been to you and everyone,I feel bad for holding you back from things you were supposed to be doing,I am selfish for wanting you to stay with a very broken soul like me when you could go get a lively soul that is intact,after everything you said to me I realized I was a poison slowly killing you and making you dried out like me,you were my hope Eric,you gave me reasons to want to heal,you have me the courage to want to be better but what use is it if my getting better is at the price of you loosing yourself,I could never do that to you my love, you're the best thing that has ever happened to me,i never thought I would have to do this ,in the pool I didn't try to kill myself Eric,I remembered something,how my mother died and where she was buried,I know I'll no longer be there when you read this note so please held revenge for my mother Ian killed her and buried her in our garden at my father's house,I love you Eric,don't cry for me,take care of my son,Smith and yourself
     Bye

I break down afresh and bawl my eyes out"God please,let my baby make it, don't punish my stupidity with his death I beg you,bring him back to me"I feel Smith hesitantly pull me into his embrace and I cry harder at his comfort,I don't deserve this people in my life"hey, Derek is strong he'll make it,I promise you"I'm totally out of it,if my subordinates see me like this they'll never let me hear the end of it but I don't care as I feel the snot and tears mix together in my mouth,I even swallowed some in my rush to exhale"I didn't know it'll be like this,I thought If I hurt him he'll leave me alone and go that way I'll not have to deal with my Shame"Smith looked at me confused

"what do you mean?"and so I cried out all my Shame to him, telling him everything that transpired that day when Ian had us with him"you stupid boy"Smith patted my back smiling bitterly at my foolishness"Ian knew this would happen,he used your fear against you and you allowed it,he knew you more than you knew him,he knew you were going to try running from it, he's a manipulator and you allowed him get to you,you know Derek would never feel bad if you confess this to him,he might be angry but he'll understand, you didn't have to do what you did Eric"

it was funny Smith Calling me a boy but he was right,all I had to do was tell him"and why do you still have that video anyways,I think it's time you destroy it, don't give yourself an emotional setback,just imagine if he no longer has the video,so make sure to destroy it and I have a strong feeling Eric, Derek would never leave you, he's a fighter, he'll fight for Xavier, he'll fight for us,just watch"and so I believed him and waited for news praying in my heart that I will never have to bury my love with my own hands

I'm sorry for a long chapter but I don't want to split it up,this story is running to an end but there is still more drama before the end of it,sit tight, please comment,vote and share your thoughts ❤️❤️❤️