A Silent Sunshine {Hiatus?}

Chapter 41 - Distraction

Recap:
I don't know though, as much as I would love to be out in public, being able to love eachother freely, I'm worried. And seeing that there's lots going on in my current love life, it's a mess! I don't know if I'm cut out for this polyamorous relationship. Fuck, what am I doing?

*
After dinner, I went back to our room silently. Everyone noticed something was off about me, but only Azu and Kozu knew why. I didn't speak a whisper to them, which got me looks.

Why am I doing this?! I feel horrible, I shouldn't be dragging others down with me. I'm such a burden to them. "Sho? Are you feeling any better?" I looked Azu in the eyes, his tone was hesitant and I felt I was going to burst. I hugged him tighter, we were alone in our room so I didn't have to worry about the others seeing us.

"Azu, do you ever feel you're the reason everyone has this weird aura around them?"

"Well, no. But that's because I'm not that important," ...this man! "Azu! Don't you dare say that! You're as important to me like needing water!" Azu chuckled, he was shocked by my outburst. I was holding his handsome face in my hands, sharing a kiss. "Thanks, Sho. But you're as important to me as my heart," I laughed. "You are my heart, Azu," we shared another kiss, "and Kozu too, don't forget." We hugged for a while longer, until night fell and we had to get ready for bed.

*day 12
More teams stared at me in the halls, I ignored them. Everyone's eyes were on me, which was usual, but they weren't that loving or shy gaze. It was concern, sadness and curious. I want them to stop, I need them to stop.

Just stop, just stop, please! I hate this feeling, just make it stop! My hands shook uncontrollably, my ears began to ring, it's happening again.

"I can't," I sat in silence while Kozu and Azu ate, well, Kozu peering at me and playing his game. This food suddenly feels unappetizing, "I'm going to stretch, need an early start." Kozu and Azu nodded, "you can keep eating, I can take care of myself," I walked away before they could respond.

In the gym
Sigh, I wonder how Natsu is doing. I haven't gotten any calls from grandpa, must be really busy with the shop or Natsu, heh. I'll see them in two days anyway, that's not a long wait. I'm going to miss these guys though, they've been really fun to be around.

That's when realization hit me, these are our finally days together! I can't waste it being an ass! I've got to make it up to them, even if I have problems, I'm not saying goodbye with a frown. I'll do better later, but I need this time to myself.

*
Minutes passed when I heard footsteps, I leaped up to see who it was. "Oh, Toru-kun,"

"Chibi-chan! What are you doing here all alone?"

"Some early stretching," it became still, Toru had this look on his face, one I've never saw him with. "Chi- I mean, Shoyo-kun. I know I may not look, or even act like, heh. But, I noticed that you've been distant. Not like we've been close but, after our date you closed yourself off only to Asahi and Kenma."

Oh, is this how the others felt like? "Even then, you seemed to separate from them, is something wrong?" "No," I answered immediately. He looked shocked, was my tone too harsh? "Do you not trust me enough to tell? I understand if so," "It's not that, I just have...thoughts sometimes? I'm grumpy when I don't get enough rest sometimes, hehe," he didn't seem certain, but he dropped it.

At least he understands boundaries, unlike some people. "Mind if I joined you?" I nodded, I needed the practice with setters to become more adaptable.

"Ready?"

"Os!" He set it low, barely touching the net. Similar to the ones he does for Iwaizumi, he's got a powerful arm, no way could I match it. I tried going lighter, like a feint, but it was different to how high Suga and Kageyama normally do. I barely missed it, even stumbled when landing.

"Ah! Shoyo-kun! Sorry, too low?"

"No, just caught off guard. Don't worry, Toru-san,"

"...again?"

"Yes!" We tried mutplie different heights, speeds, strengths. He's more adaptable to my needs, but I've got lots to learn. "Thanks a lot, Toru-san, I really needed a warm up," coaches came in the gym and saw us. We helped them set up, calling the teams for an announcement. "Tommorow, we will have surprise for you all," everyone bursted with excitement, "but, you must work extra hard, or else."

The coaches gave us a glare that could kill, I'm sure everyone will be tired after this.

*
A/n: Been gone on a two week trip and with school coming up, I hope to at least give you guys a better and more consistent way to give you updates.

Hope you're doing well, and if not, my love is sent to you! <3