A Previous Selection

Chapter Thirty-One

I can't believe he's here.

Out of all places they could send him as a new guard, they chose here. They chose the palace. They chose my safe haven AWAY from him.

After seeing him last night, I didn't know what to do. I quickly made my way up to my room and tried to act normal as my maids helped me get ready for bed. But I couldn't sleep. Not while knowing that he was somewhere within the palace walls. Patrolling the hallways for danger when he was the danger himself.

I sat straight up in my bed all night, facing the door to make sure he didn't come in. I was terrified that he would come looking for me. To finish what he started a year ago. And I'm still terrified. I'm terrified to leave my room.

I don't want to run into him again.

I don't want to see him again.

I can't.

When my maids came in this morning, I tried to pretend like I had been asleep, but I'm pretty sure they could tell that I hadn't even shut my eyes at all due to the bags under them. So when they asked if I was feeling well, and I said no, they told me to lay back down and get some more rest. But even with them in the room with me, I couldn't seem to shut my mind off to fall asleep.

Thoughts of him have been running through my head at a thousand miles per minute. Just like when Stella triggered everything when she hit me, seeing him again has triggered all of the memories from that night to replay through my mind. But what's worse than the memories is the fear. The fear that he can hurt me again.

I thought I was done with him. I thought that what he did to me was finally in the past. I thought that I had put it there after confiding in Cameron about it all.

But now he's back, and that means that it's not over.

I don't know what to do.

I know I shouldn't keep all of this in, but the only person who knows about him is Cameron, and I don't know if I can tell him.

What would happen if I did?

He would believe me. I know that much.

But would he send him home just because I'm uncomfortable?

And if he would send him home, then what would he tell the King? Would he have to explain the incident in order for them to allow Cameron to send him way?

Because I don't want anyone else knowing.

But I can't hide out in here forever. If I don't show up for another meal, either Addison or Cameron will come searching for me, asking me what's wrong, and I won't be able to hide it. Plus, I can't keep pretending I'm sick. I've done that way too much since being here. I'm done with running away from my problems. If I'm going to be with Cameron and become Queen, I have to stop running away. I have to stop hiding.

I stop pacing around my room, sit down at my vanity, and start looking through my jewelry to get ready to go to lunch. I put the butterfly necklace on first and then start sifting through the simple bracelets I have laying in a pile. When I come across the one that Cameron and Addison got me, a small smile forms on my face. I slip it on along with a few simple silver bracelets and look at myself in the mirror.

The exhaustion is clear on my face. There's no way I'm going to get through lunch without Addison and Cameron asking me questions. I'm going to have to face this whether I want to or not.

Just please, Lord, don't let me run into him again.

------------------ Time Lapse ------------------

"You'll meet me in the Women's Room later, right?" Addison asks as we're walking out of the dining hall.

"Yeah. I'm just going to run up to my room and grab some paper to write some letters home, and then I'll be in there."