A Previous Selection

Chapter Forty

"I can't believe this it," I say as I pace in front of Addison's bed as she's packing up her jewelry. "You're actually leaving me now." 

"Wren, will you just calm down? Yes, I got eliminated, but I'm not leaving yet. And you already know that." 

"I know. But still. You're leaving me after the announcement tomorrow. And how am I going to function without you?" 

"You're going to be just fine," she says as she closes her jewelry box. 

"But I won't be. You're the one that talked sense into me when I got all worked up here. What am I going to do when I get all panicky like I'm getting right now? Who's going to calm me down when I'm freaking out over all the things that I'm clueless about? How - "

"Wren." She stands up from her vanity, walks over to me, and grabs my arms to force me to stop pacing. "Now, I know this is about more than just me leaving the palace. So why don't you go ahead and spill it instead of making me force it out of you?" 

I sigh as I start anxiously twirling a piece of my hair. 

"It's just now that you've been eliminated, and it's down to the final two, everything is starting to feel really real," I tell her. "Like the celebration thing with all of the Selected is tonight, and then the proposal/announcement is tomorrow, and then after that starts the rest of my life. Which, yes, is something I've been excited about for the past week that he's kept me waiting. But I think it's finally all sinking in. All of this is real, and not some kind of fantasy that I've been living for the past few months." 

"Yes, it's very much real, and you should be ecstatic about that. Tomorrow, the love of your life is going to propose to you, and in no time at all, you will be marrying him and starting a life, a family together. Aren't you ready for that?" she asks. 

"Of course I am. But I'm getting more than just a marriage here. I'm getting a crown. And with all the excitement of marrying Cameron comes the stress of becoming Queen. Not to mention all of these important moments are going to be televised for the ENTIRE COUNTRY to see. Everyone will get to see my proposal, my wedding, my coronation, my first acts as Queen. And for some reason, I can't stop thinking about how my whole life is going to be on display from now on. All of my big important moments won't be personal. They won't just be my memories; they'll be the memories of all of Illea. And I think that's the hardest thing to adjust to right now." 

She takes a moment to really look at me before guiding me over to her bed and having both of us sit down on it. 

"I can't pretend to know what you're going through. Because even though my life has been on display these past few months, I get to go home at the end of this and return to some sort of privacy. Except for when I'm back here to visit," she says which gets a smile and small laugh out of me. "So all I know to tell you is that even though you are going to have to give up some of the privacy you wish you could keep, you won't have to give it all up. You'll be able to have your moments with Cameron, just a husband and wife, out in the gardens late at night when the cameras aren't around. You'll be able to have your moments with the King and Queen and Oliver, just a family, around the dinner table when you can all manage to make it there. You'll be able to have your moments with your kids and Cameron, just a mother and father and their precious children, reading them a bedtime story before tucking them in. The cameras might be around more than you're used to, but they won't always be there. You'll still get your moments of normalcy. Well, as normal as you can get when you live in a palace." 

I smile back at her before giving her a hug. 

"You always know what to say, Addi. And that is the exact reason why I can't have you leaving me."