Just a Soldier

Chapter 31 - Big Changes

Scarlett's POV:

Don't get me wrong. I am extremely proud of the job that Y/n does. But right now, I couldn't hate it anymore! I've been back for barely 2 months  and we're already looking at the possibility of her being away for 8 months. And that's 8 months where we can't go and visit her and call every day. It's 8 months getting a call when she's able to, mostly communicating via email and seeing her for a week in the middle if we're lucky! I hate this.

I also hate that I can see the turmoil swirling behind Y/n's eyes and there is nothing I can do about it. She loves her job, but she has always hated leaving Ava. I know that one of her main concerns is being away from Ava that long. Add on top of that, the fear she seems to have that I would just up and leave her because she's going away.

But then I remember that before her last tour, Lindsey left her because she wasn't willing to wait for her. She clearly didn't love her, because I don't care if she's gone for 8 months, I will be waiting on the airfield, as soon as that plane lands to greet her. We're spending the rest of our lives together. This is just something that we'll have to overcome, and I will make sure that she doesn't worry about my commitment to this relationship.

I found it so easy to offer to have Ava whilst she's gone. It wasn't even something that I needed to think about. I just knew that was what I wanted and ultimately what was the right thing for Ava. We're a family and if she can't live with me, then what kind of example am I setting to Y/n to show her that I can be a second mother to her. Y/n has done this pretty much on her own for 7 years. I can do 8 months. Besides, we'll have a village behind us!

The whole morning is pretty quiet. I know that Y/n didn't sleep well last night. Every time I found myself waking up, I would turn and see Y/n already awake and staring at the ceiling. She looks exhausted as she sits hunched over a bowl of cereal at the kitchen counter. I make sure to keep close and tactile with her.

Her love language is definitely touch, and I want to do everything I can to reassure her that I'm here, even in the smallest of actions. I sit next to her with my laptop open, just getting a couple of bits of work done before Ava and I head to the studio this morning. The whole time I'm working, I've got my hand on Y/n's knee and she will often reach down and give it a squeeze.

It's such a weird atmosphere around the apartment this morning. Ava's not up yet so it's just the two of us but neither of us seem to be able to address the elephant in the room. So, we comfort each other by just being there.

I find it hard to keep my mind focused on the work in front of me when I start to see flashbacks of Y/n in the hospital after her last experience in Afghanistan. Knowing that she is putting her life in danger terrifies me. It makes me feel physically sick to even think about there being a chance she gets hurt or even worse, doesn't make it home. But I fight those thoughts away as best as I can. She is the strongest person that I know, we still have our whole lives ahead of us that doesn't end in that way.

When it's time to get Ava up, I leave Y/n who is completely lost in thought, to wake her up and help her get ready for the day. Through all of this worry and sadness, I'm actually really excited to take Ava to the studio today. I'm doing a bit of record for Sing so it should be fun for her.

As soon as Ava joins Y/n at the kitchen counter, I watch as Y/n's whole demeanour changes. Her body straightens, a smile appears on her face, and she engages in happy conversation with Ava. But I can still see it in her eyes. She can't hide how she's really feeling from me.

I watch over the two of them as Ava asks what they're doing today. Y/n sighs a little but puts a smile back on her face. "I'm really sorry bug, but I have to go for a fitness test today! So, whilst I'm getting made to sweat my butt off, you're going to spend the day with Scarly. Is that ok?" She explains. Ava's face is initially in a frown until she hears that she's coming with me. She nods her head frantically.