Just a Soldier

Chapter 38 - The Truth

Y/n's POV:

I couldn't stay in the house. I needed to be alone to try and get my head around this. I know this is hard for Scarlett, but she is being so understanding in letting me go. I just keep bringing trouble to her at the moment. Just as things start to settle down, something comes along and bulldozes through.

After about half an hour, I come to a small park. It's really quiet, so I take the time to have a breather on a bench. My mind is just re-reading the article and everything it said. I've blamed myself for so long and it took so much for me to realise that I did everything I could, and it wasn't my fault. But this article is making me question it all over again.

I rest my head in my hands, flashbacks from that day flooding my mind. His face when he called out to me, injured on the floor. The sound of the mortars dropping. It's all too much.

The thought that what happened that day is not only out there, but being used to blame me is killing me. How can someone so easily publish something so far from the truth. What if this has consequences for me at work, what if it affects Scarlett negatively. It's not fair that she should go through this when it's from my past.

As my thoughts start to spiral, I feel my phone vibrate. I don't plan to answer it until I see Jimmy's name appear. I hesitate for a moment before I life the phone to my ear.

Jimmy: It's all lies, Y/n. It wasn't your fault. You did everything in your power to save as many people as you could that day. Do not blame yourself.

He doesn't even give me a chance to answer before he speaks. His voice is clear and firm, leaving no room for misinterpretation.

Y/n: Jimmy I can't.

Is all I'm able to sob out, I can feel a panic attack getting ever closer. God why did I leave the house.

Jimmy: Y/n, I need you to focus on my voice. Take a deep breath in with me. Try not to focus on anything other than your breathing.

I try my best to follow his rhythm but struggle to gain control. He keeps calm and guides me in my breathing. Eventually I start to feel more in control and my laboured breathing starts to calm down.

Jimmy: That's it's. Well done Y/n. Now talk to me.

I spent the time spilling everything that I was feeling. The guilt that was washing over me. The fear of what this article could do. The effect it could have on my relationship, on Ava. I share my anger that someone could be so callous to write about something so sensitive just for a story and to not even bother telling the truth.

Being able to rant and unload everything I was feeling felt better, but I couldn't hide the aching feeling of my heart.

Jimmy: I know there isn't much I can say to comfort you right now. But I was there Y/n. I know exactly what happened that day. The people that matter know the truth and we will fight to get that out there. This one article will not define you.

Y/n: But it's out there. People will have read it and made their own opinions. I've seen it with Scarlett, not everyone believes when the truth comes out.

Jimmy: Don't think like that. I've already spoken with the Brigadier and Scarlett's manager. We plan to release a joint statement. We'll release the action report from that day to show what really happened. We are just seeking approval from Mr and Mrs Richards.

Y/n: Shit! You can't involve them with this. They don't deserve to have their son's death being plastered across news outlets. It's unfair to make them relive the trauma they went through.