Just a Soldier

Chapter 14 - Betrayal?

Y/n's POV:

It's been over a week since my fight with Sophie.  After receiving her text telling me to stop contacting her and to leave her alone, I decided to send her one last voicemail and tell her how sorry I am one last time and that I'll stop.  Even though it killed me to do so, I had to do what was right for her. I don't want to be making her stressed whilst she's pregnant.  

After I left her the voicemail to tell her, I just needed to get out all this pent-up anger I had towards myself. So, I decided to go to the gym and I would make the most of a child free day. I text Scarlett to let her know what happened and told her that I'd call her later in the evening when I was feeling better.

In the gym, I focus all of my energy on the punch bag in front of me. The anger I have is stronger than I have ever felt. I'm angry at myself for doing something so stupid, but I start to feel a slight bit of anger towards Sophie. I've known her for over 25 years. She is practically my sister and she's ended our friendship just like that. 

We've been through so much together, yet for the first time she didn't trust me or allow me to explain everything. I don't remember my life with out her. She's been the one constant. When I being passed around from family to family as a kid, it was Sophie that was there to comfort me. When I was attacked and got pregnant, she never left my side. When she went through a horrible toxic relationship with James, I was the one who was by her side and physically dragged her out of bed each morning. But now, she doesn't need me anymore and that fucking hurts. 

I just want Scarlett here, I feel completely alone. I know she's just down the end of the phone, but it's not the same. It may sound needy, but I want her to hold me and run her hand through my hair, comforting me, telling me everything is going to be ok. I would do anything just to get the chance to go back to last week and not go to Matt. 

This whole situation is made completely worse by the fact I don't have Scarlett here that I could cry to. I know that she's worried about me. She knows that I'm shutting myself off from people and she's had Lizzie moaning to her that I've not called in a while. She has offered to speak with Sophie, but I know that will only make things worse, so I asked her not to. She's wasn't happy to begin with. She said that she hates how I'm feeling and that she hasn't given me a chance to explain myself. But she reluctantly agreed. 

I tried to be be less clingy and needy with her over the phone. Her brother is currently in Atlanta visiting her so I want her to be able to focus on him and not be worried about me at all. She has a day off herself and is going to spend it with Hunter, exploring the city. I'm glad he's been able to visit, they get along so well and I know she misses him. Especailly now since she has been staying in LA a lot more than New York, like she used to. 

This whole week, I have felt like I was on autopilot.  Even Ava had started to notice something was wrong. I had absolutely no idea how I was going to tell her that Sophie wasn't going to be around anymore and that it's all my fault. It was going to break her, and she would hate me for it. Thankfully she hasn't asked yet. She was used to not seeing her as often since Matt had come into the picture.

I spent as much time as I could out of the apartment. I just needed to switch off all these horrible thoughts in my head and I did that best at work or at the gym. I barely even look at my phone anymore, only using it to speak with Scarlett or Robert. I just felt like I couldn't bring myself to speak with anyone else. 

My heart physically aches. It is worse than any breakup I have gone through. Sophie has been there most of my life. It's always been the two of us and I never thought I would have to go through life without her. She was there for me when I was pregnant with Ava, and I couldn't even return the favour to her. I let my anger get the better of me and ruin one of the best things in my life.