Arranged love - jaylor AU

elevator

- taylors pov - 

It's been two days since the date with Joe and I am successful in avoiding being in a room alone with him. the kiss made me feel sparks all over my body, but it also made me nervous as fuck and I don't know what to do with these feelings. The kiss fucked with my head, and I feel things that I forbid myself from ever feeling. Romantic things that feel good have a tendency to turn painful, so why subject myself to that once more. It's only a matter of time before he hurts me, so I just run away from him instead. It's not the best strategy, but its working for now. 

To stick to my plan to avoid him we arrive at work separately and I make sure he is on the elevator before me, so we don't get stuck in a confined place together. All of this might be seen as childish, I know that, but I don't know what else I'm supposed to do. 

When I get to my floor Selena follows me into my office to get me updated on today's tasks. I don't know what I would do without her, she helps me keep things running around here. «Morning Taylor» she says after closing the door. We don't use first names unless we are alone. «Morning. How good it is I don't know» I sigh and rub my temple. 

«Still avoiding him?» She asks and I nod. Selena was the first person I talked about the kiss and has helped me keep away from Joe at work. She doesn't agree with my strategy but respects it. Sooner or later Joe will admit to himself that kissing me is a bad idea. I just have way too much baggage and is basically a walking train wreck. Not someone you want to be with like that. 

I can still feel the kiss on my lips, how soft his lips were against mine and the gentle movements. He didn't force me to deepen it by putting his tongue in my mouth or anything like that, he simply held my head and kissed me like he had been waiting all night to do it. It was probably the best kiss I've had, it was so gentle and when our lips interlocked it sent sparks all through my body. 

The main problem is that if I let myself fall into the pit of emotions, I have for that man it will bring me back to the weak woman I was when Adam or Jake was in my life. They made me silent; they made me weak, and I feel like I'm finally back on my feet. I don't want my feelings to get in the way and then he ends up taking advantage of me because he knows I feel something for him too. What if it's all just a game to him? What if he is just doing this to get one up on me and take advantage of that? 

My track record in the relationships department is a disaster. With both Adam and Jake, it started off good with gentle touches and them being gentlemen. But that turned and I was trapped in their web of hurt. They silenced me, they trapped me, and I saw no way out. The only reason it ended with Jake was because he ran as soon as he found out I was pregnant. And with Adam it was a constant on again off again situation, but I finally got the courage, that I didn't even know I had, to break it off for good. 

I thought Adam was out of my life for good finally, but that doesn't seem to be the case when I look at the flower arrangement on the coffee table. Twice a week I get one that I know for certain is from him with some sappy note attached to it. It's not cute, its creepy. Why doesn't he get the hit that I'm over him? And I'm also married technically, so he doesn't have any chance at all. 

Today's note was just as creepy as every other note I've gotten. It's getting annoying and creepy. Why can't he just leave me alone? 

By looking at these flowers and admiring their beauty, may you gain insight into what it feels like when I look at you.- AW 

It's a cute quote if it came from literally anyone but him, but with him I just get disgusted. I should probably tell someone who keeps sending these flowers and messages, but I don't know who to tell. Selena would listen but she would also overreact, and I don't want to make it into a bigger deal than it is, it's just flowers. I know Adam, and I know that if I make a move to prevent him from sending these, he will just find another way to get messages to me. So I throw away the notes and keep the flowers. That way no one would know who sends them to me.