Arranged love - jaylor AU

pain

TRIGGER WARNING: miscarriage & blood 

- joes pov - 

There is a lot of blood and Taylor looks really pale while tears are streaming down her face. I rush over and help hold her up «love, take deep breaths for me» I coo her as she is hyperventilating. 

«I've called an ambulance because this is too much blood. I think she is having a miscarriage» Selena whispers in my ear and I bite my lip trying not to cry. If I break down, it will only make Taylor panic more. This is about her and what she needs, my needs need to take the backburner. 

«I failed us. I killed our baby» Taylor mumbles in a raspy voice. I cup her face «Taylor listens to me. You did not fail us, and you did not kill our baby. Let's get to the hospital and then we will see what's going on, okay? But no matter what's going on its not your fault. And I'm going to be right by your side through it all. It's you and me my love» 

She doesn't say anything more so we just sit here in silence with her on the toilet. I'm worried she is going to pass out because she is so pale, so I hold her up as good as I can. 

Time seems to pass by in slow motion but eventually the ambulance people come into the bathroom dressed in their uniforms and with their stretcher bed behind them. 

One of the paramedics talks to Selena while the other comes over to us and start talking with her as she adresses the situation. «Hi Taylor. I'm Hannah, we came to take you to the hospital to get checked out. How are you feeling?» While she talks, she takes in the scene, and I just sit here helplessly holding Taylor up. 

«Is my baby dead» Taylor says, and I close my eyes for a moment to compose myself. «I am not a OB/GYN so I can't tell you that. But we are going to take you to the hospital where they can check you out» 

We don't get more out of Taylor, so I just help the paramedic get Taylor over to the stretcher. Seeing the woman, I love in this state is heartbreaking, but the paramedics knows what they are doing. After checking out her clothes and the toilet they see that we need to head out now to get her taken care of. 

The ride to the hospital was nerve-racking as I sat beside Taylor on one side while the paramedic took her vitals on the other side. Getting to a hospital in the Manhattan traffic isn't easy, but eventually we get there. 

I get to stand by her side holding her hand while the doctors and nurses are checking on her bleeding and getting the OB/GYN down here from their ward. By now I'm pretty sure that this is a miscarriage but I'm not going to tell Taylor that before we know for sure. The last thing I would want is for her to freak out more. It's my job to stay calm so she stays calm. 

**

The OB/GYN took her ultrasound thing in Taylors vagina like they did in the office, and it is a miscarriage. But it's an incomplete miscarriage whatever that means. As far as I understand it means that there is still stuff inside her that needs to come out, so now we have a choice as to how to move forward. We can wait and see; we can give her medication, or they can go in and remove it manually. 

«What do you want to do my love» I say and caress her head. ever since I found her in the bathroom, she hasn't said much and keeps staring into space. «Taylor, this is your choice. What do you want to do» 

She turns her head to meet my eyes, but it doesn't feel like she is behind those helpless eyes. I wish there was something I could do to help her, but there isn't anything other than being by her side I can do. 

«Get it out of me. I want to go home» Taylor says with a raspy voice and the doctor agrees to do it. They are going to give Taylor a light sedative to keep her comfortable but still awake, and I can be with her while they do the procedure. If I can be there and hold her hand that's exactly what I'm going to do.