Arranged love - jaylor AU

talking it out

- taylors pov - 

I'm dreading heading home, but I know that it's better to get this conversation over with, so we don't have tension in our home. Thats the last thing I would want because it affects Lilly. she doesnt need to know that stuff is happening that creates tension between me and Joe. It's not that we don't show her that families can argue but make up, but some things she doesnt need to know. And our exes are included in shit she doesnt need to know about. I'm not really up for discussing our past partners with her, at least not at such a young age. Of course when she is old enough to date, we will talk about what relationships are like and stuff, but seven-year olds don't need to worry about that. 

«I'm home» I say when I get inside. There are little feet running towards me. «Mommy. I had so much fun at school today» she grins. School has recently started up again and she is now in second grade and really excited about that. «Thats so cool. I'm glad you had fun sweetie. Did daddy help you with homework?» I ask her. 

It's still an adjustment to having Joe as her parent too, but I'm getting used to it. It vies me butterflies to call him her daddy, but that's what Lilly prefers to call him now. He doesn't mind though, whenever she calls him daddy his eyes light up. They have a special bond, and she has him wrapped around her little finger. 

«Yes daddy helped me. Math was so boring, but we did it together. Now I get to watch tv because I was a good girl and did all my homework for today» that's all the conversation I get before she skips away to watch tv. We limit her screen time, so she isn't in front of that all day, but a little each day is allowed. As long as she does other things too it's not a big deal. But the older kids get the more time they seem to spend in front of screens, so we want to hold back as long as we can. At school they even use screens now. Her school use iPads instead of notebooks for most lessons, so they are already in front of screens at school. I don't know how I feel about that, but I guess it's just the future of education moving forward. At least they still use actual books and don't just read on the screens. 

I walk into the kitchen where Joe is standing with a smoothie for me. when I get home from work, or in this case home from therapy, I usually need a snack to get me through until dinner. when I got pregnant, I was borderline to underweight too, so the doctor recommended that I started eating more so my low weight didn't affect the baby. She also took a lot of blood tests to make sure that I wasn't lacking in vitamins. Obviously, she started me on a prenatal vitamin too because that's recommended when you're pregnant. 

«How was therapy?» Joe asks and scratch the back of his neck, something he always does when he is uncomfortable. «It was good. Talked about the shit show that was earlier today. Figured that was better than coming home and ripping your balls off in frustration» I half joke, but I was so pissed I wanted to rip his baby makers off his body. I'm not usually an aggressive person, but the pregnancy hormones are messing with my mood. 

«Well, my family jewels appreciate your therapist then. We kind of need my balls if we want to have sex, and I know how much you like that» he says with a smug look but I'm not in the mood for jokes.

«We need to talk though» I say after I finish the smoothie. our chef made it before he started on dinner, so I thank Daniel before we head into the living room to talk in private. 

«I want to apologize Taylor if you feel offended or anything like that. The last thing I would want is for you to feel uncomfortable. But I meant what I said, I don't want anything to do with Bianca» he says, and I nod. 

«Thats what I talked with my therapist about, how we will always have some sort of feelings for people we were close to in the past even if they aren't part of our present or future. She made me realize that I still remember the good times with people I've dated in the past, even with Adam I had some good times. So I guess was a little unfair. But I didn't appreciate actually coming face to face with her, and especially when she was talking shit and basically asking you to dump me so you could get back together with her» I tell him honestly. honesty is really important, and my therapist made me realize that holding back when I went home and talked with Joe might not be the right strategy. If I want to get over something, and talk it out, honesty from both of us is important. If we don't talk about it honestly, even when its uncomfortable, you can't really put it behind you and move past it.