Like a cockroach, Always Survives

61. Stefan Salvatore | I Can't Do This Anymore Stefan

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prompt
↪ After your fiancé, Stefan, had died in the blaze of fire. Everyone felt lost and although they were able to find peace in mind you couldn't and it made them think of the difference, why did it matter to you so much.

"why can I take it and y/n can't?"
"and then it made me realise, y/n, was the only thing stefan loved and now he was gone"

warnings / other notes
↪ written in elena's point of view
↪mentions of suicide
↪heartbreak
↪death
↪not eating?

Y/N had been in her room for months, for a vampire I don't think thats healthy. Stefan's death had us all caught up for weeks, Damon got over it, I got over it. Not completely, I still think of him the way I could have said my last words to him differently.

Caroline had come to check up on her everyday, she had hampers for y/n and left them in front of her bedroom door but they'd stay there until the next morning when Caroline came back.

"how is she?" Damon walks into the hall to check up on me and her, I hadn't spoken to her, instead I just sat in front of her door waiting for a slight creak in the floorboards on her end but nothing.

Only the shuffles of her linen as she changed position, listening closely to her I can hear her sobs why would you leave, she would repeat for hours "no change" I whisper as Damon hands me a glass and I sip out of it.

Damon sits next to me, he had felt Stefan's death more than anyone well we thought so, for days. Y/n had seemed fine for the first few weeks, we had kept a close eye on her but a month had passed and she disappeared to her room and she's been there ever since.

"I just never understood" Damon mumbles to me "I always said, why could I take it and y/n can't?" he said looking over to her door "and then it made me realise, y/n, was the only thing Stefan had loved" he voice trailed off "and now he was gone" I finish his sentence off and he nods.

"all the time he spent with her, all the memories were something she couldn't replace" I sigh my tight on the glass getting tighter with the thought of it.

Damon had always thought of y/n differently when she was with Stefan. She would hate her guts, despise all the memories she was able to make with him but then deep down he couldn't hate her because she was the root of his brother's happiness.

That's what made Damon feel differently about y/n, she was the only other person worthy of her brother's love, he challenged her for the love of Stefan and in the end she won.

Maybe he was lucky, he didn't have to feel what she was currently feeling. Alone, Distraught, maybe even Suicidal, he didn't have to feel all those things because before Stefan's death he had closure, she only had a voicemail.

Damon and I sat in silence, there weren't many words to say especially when all the words we needed weren't coming to mind.

She shuffled in her bed, then she stood up and walked towards her bathroom to run the water. Despite her burden state she was still hygienic, a great quality of hers to say the least.

"you hear that?" he asks and I nod, how could I not? I had been paying attention to her everyday, waiting for her to not miss him, waiting and waiting, yet as the days went on she seemed to miss him even more.

"yeah" I whisper drinking the rest of the liquid in my cup, Damon eyeing me as I drink it all.

Her footsteps move after a while, moving towards the door slumping down on the floor. "i know you're there" she whispers "and i know you can hear me" she continues, Damon looks at the door standing up to grab the door handle.

"don't... grab it." she says her movements had become quiet, her leg shook anxiously as her hand tapped on the wooden floor "y/n you have to eat something" Damon says softly "i've been eating, just not when people are around." she says reassuringly.

Damon smiled, I didn't. When we aren't around? What does that even mean? The missing vampires, the missing teenagers all found in the woods. It must be her.

"atleast she's eating" Damon says giving me a judgemental look, he could tell what I was thinking, every inch of my thoughts, he knew.

Y/n then stood up the door creaking open the reveal her, the puffy red eyes and the wet straight hair. She looked miserable yet so clean and before Damon could push the door open she closes it again.

The first time we had seen her, she looked like a tidy wreck... somehow.

"now you know its not a voice recording you can go" she said, her voice low and quiet "no" Damon says preparing to say a whole script from a show "damon, it's fine" I grab his arm.

Seeing her, gave me a big wave of relief, atleast she wasn't harming herself, she was alive and still healthy looking may I add. That's all I needed to know.

Damon nods approvingly then he walks away, I turn around to look at the door once more. It creaks open once more, her head poking out "do you think Stefan would want me to be stuck in this room, all the time, crying?" she asked quietly.

"no of course not" I smile sweetly to her, Y/n and I got along sometimes, she was like my best friend but at the same time an enemy. We always had it out for each other, but I'd always love her.

"So then why did he leave?" she asks "why can you take it, and I can't" she

continues. Tears begin to flow from her face and she slams the door shut wiping her tears.

"y/n..." I mumble standing up against the door "I don't know what it's like, to feel loved by one person, then that person be taken away when you need him most." I pause my fingers tracing a pattern on her door.

"but I know that he would want you to move on, maybe not too fast maybe just to wake up every morning with a smile, not to stay up all night and day with a frown." I whisper, she had stopped moving "don't act like you are me, elena, you can't fathom what i've had to go through" she says opening the door.

"he haunts me, his memory remains in this very room." She swings the door open to reveal the room "and he won't leave, i don't want him to leave so he won't leave. In fact, he's over there." She points to an empty space in the room.

"Then he disappears but the moment I touch that whiskey he wants to come back" she continues "he's here and then he's gone, but i know he's really gone so who is there in the room with me." she throws her arms up.

"who is it, elena?" she breaks down and I hug her, she had lost it, she had lost him. Even though I tried to comfort her, he would be the greatest comfort to her, dead or alive.

"if he's dead, who is it? haunting me, torturing me with these memories." she cried into my shoulder.

"I can't, I can't do this anymore."