The Toxic Love (Steve Rogers x Reader x Bucky Barnes )

Chapter 53

At a small coffee shop

"I know that you have questions so spill it out Steve we don't have all day," I told him once we both grabbed our drink, his being coffee and mine being a hot drink.

"This is going to hurt me more than it's going to hurt you but did you love him more than you loved Bucky and me?" He tells me as he looks down at his cup not ready for what I have to say.

"I want to say that I loved you all equally but that's not fair for you, Alex, or Bucky. My love for both you and Bucky was and will be completely different from my love for Alex because no matter what happened between you and me or Bucky and I-we will always cross paths like soulmates. But with Alex, it was the love that you cherish and grow, a type of love that someone is lucky enough to find in their lifetimes because it only comes around one time." Tell him as I grab his hand so he could look up at him as I spoke to him.

"I know that you already explained it to us but did we push you so much that we were the reason that you decided to leave that night?" He says with guilt.

"Yes and no but you already know that because to me that was the best option at the moment, one being I was emotionally unstable from miscarriage and seeing both of you boys pushing me away. Alex was there to support me and between us spending so much time together we realized that we like each other more than friends but we both pushed away not wanting to ruin our friendship." We just sat there sipping on our drinks without talking for a solid minute.

"Did you and Bucky love them like you did me or was it more?" I asked him after finally having the courage to ask him.

"I can't talk about Bucky but for me, it was loving the idea of her which was seeing how things could have been with Peggy if I jumped out of the plane or didn't crash the plane. I was never in love with her, it was more the idea of her that made me get so lost in what could have happened in the 40s that I didn't notice what I was losing until it was too late. If I'm being honest I think that it's the same with Bucky but he hasn't realized it because he probably wants something from the past to hold onto. Just give him some time."

After we finished our hot drink, we decided that we wanted to go to the park but before we decided to get another drink since it was already October and it was getting chilly. The silence between the two of us wasn't awkward like before but was nice and calm which I enjoyed.

We found a bench where it was far away from families and other people in the park but good enough to have a nice view of the clouds and sky. We both haven't talked since the coffee shop and I knew that both of us still had questions for each other but didn't want to disrupt the silence between us.

"Do you think that you could trust Bucky and me or just me anytime soon?" He asked me

" I want to say yes but I'm not too sure because both of you hurt me but it would take a long time for me to trust either of you. Now more than ever it will take me some time because I'm not sure if I'm ready to open myself up to others."

"I understand." We just look at each other but return to silence.

We both don't say anything or move for another hour before I start to decide if it's a good idea to tell him that I'm pregnant knowing that it might help me to have this weight off my shoulder. I think that Steve noticed that I was in my mind and was thinking too much because he asked me if I was okay but I did answer him so he just went back to looking at the sunset.

"I'm pregnant and it's Alex's baby."

"What are you going to do ?"

" I think that I'm going to keep it because it's the last thing I have of him and I have enough to support each other. And you better not tell anyone if not I kill chop off your dick"