Gangster's Girl (Complete)

Chapter 5 - Part 2

I had never felt so out of control. Like when he touched me, nothing else mattered. He could have me any way he wanted me, and that scared me more than anything. The balance of power lay in his favor, and I couldn't control myself around him.

Now that it was over, I couldn't face him. It was like as soon as he kissed me, I had been swept away by his touch. How could I face that? Any confidence I had felt was gone now. My hands moved to dig into the wooden table when he moved to pull his trouser back up while I avoided his gaze. To be so close, to have their body entwined with yours and then to feel so awkward after about it wasn't something I had any experience in.

I had been there every step of the way, but I still couldn't face him. I blamed myself for my momentary weakness that had led to this. He made me weak, and I hated it.

He retrieved our clothes and set them beside me. He touched my thigh, and I finally looked at him. There was no smugness, just concern.

"I didn't mean to hurt you." The gentleness in his voice stung.

Again, I felt like the power had shifted into his favor. I was at a disadvantage again. He had been with countless women and I had only ever been with him.

I shrugged as I moved off his desk and redressed. I turned my back to him after I saw the marks where I had dug my nails into his skin.

"I'm um.. fine."

Only when I was fully dressed did I face him, feeling more protected. He hadn't bothered to put his shirt back on, and the marks I had left on his skin made me uncomfortable. It reminded me of how he had moved my world.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

I frowned and crossed my arms defensively. "Didn't tell you what?" I snapped sharply.

I was feeling so much and I needed space to work through it, not in the confines of a room shared with Angel, who was studying me closely.

"That you've never done this before."

I pressed my lips together, not wanting to admit that no one had made me want to. The only time I had ever tried was the drunken night I had tried to seduce him and look at how that turned out.

"What does it matter?" I asked, feeling my cheeks heat.

"It matters Kira. I could have been more gentle and prepared you more."

I had been afraid if I had admitted it, he would have stopped it altogether if he knew he was about to take a virgin. It wasn't like I was saving myself. I had just been fussy about who I wanted to sleep with.

"How have you never done this before Kira?" He moved closer and I stood my ground, refusing to show him how much he affected me.

"It's sex Angel. Nothing ground breaking." I rolled my eyes, trying to brush his concern off as being over dramatic.

"How is it you had no problem stripping to get attention, but you never been with a guy?"

I shrugged, not knowing how to answer his question without revealing stuff I didn't want to.

"It just never happened." What did he want from me?

He studied me.

"Are you using any means of birth control?"

This was a conversation I never thought I would have with him. I shook my head. There had never been a need for it before.

"It's probably best to use some for the time being."

I wasn't ready for this conversation at all. I'd just had sex for the first time only moments ago.

I nodded stiffly. My eyes went to the door, my exit.