Adulting Requires Cheesecake (Book 4, Lonstino & Greenwood Series)

Chapter 4 - Elephants

TRISTAN

Exhausted and disappointed in myself. There aren't better words to describe how I feel right now. Not only about my personal situation but also with my job. I've spent the past nights at the zoo clinic keeping an eye on an old capuchin monkey with a severe infection. I tried everything I knew and spent hours on research trying to find what else I could do. Unfortunately, she passed away this morning and I feel incredibly bummed about it. I don't know how it is for other veterinarians, but I have trouble accepting losing my patients. While everyone else tries to convince me it wasn't my fault and there's nothing I could do to avoid the inevitable, I always feel I could have done something more.

"Tristan, you should go home. You are crumbling down while sitting there," my colleague Harper's soft voice says next to me, and then I feel a warm hand on my shoulder.

For the past hour or so, I've been staring at nowhere in particular and the half mug of coffee in my hands has gone cold. My brain has been reviewing everything I did for my patient and trying to figure out where I went wrong. On the table in front of me are my notes, several books on monkey anatomy, and the results of all the tests I ran.

"I know you did everything you could to save her, but she was very sick and over 30 years old," she says while replacing the mug in my hands with a fresh one with hot coffee. Her presence is comforting. "Don't beat yourself thinking you could have extended her life because in the wild she would have become at the most 25. You should rest before you lose your mind."

"I know she was on borrowed time," a yawn mixed with a sigh escapes me. "If it was in my power, all animals would live for eternity. Unfortunately, I can't go home yet. We are due to move Cornelia out of the exhibit. Her aggression towards the other gorillas to protect her infant is getting out of control and I'm afraid he will get hurt in the process. I've instructed to prepare one of the indoor sections for her to give her peace while her son gets stronger. All that tapping on the glass from the visitors seems to stress her as well."

Harper nods and sits in front of me with her own cup of coffee. Her lovely face looks as tired as I feel.

"Rough morning?" I pat her hand.

"Two zebras went into labor within one hour difference. I had to help one and the foal almost didn't make it. The other one went well, thanks heavens. They only give birth every two to three years, but damn, they seem to have agreed on the timing. I wanted to come here to say good morning, but it wasn't possible. Did you sleep at all last night?"

"I set an alarm for an hour. I needed to reset my brain."

"With a one hour nap?"

Even though I have an excellent team of caretakers and I can always call other veterinarians and specialists, I feel it is my responsibility to be present when the health of one of my patients is in danger. I haven't been home in a few days and it hasn't been the first time we had to do something similar. That's why I keep changes of clothes and toiletries in the office. You never know when the job will require an overnight stay during an emergency. Harper and I have worked hard to earn everyone's respect as the veterinarians in residence and my reputation means everything to me.

What I find peculiar is that I've been missing my bed, but not being with my girlfriend, now fiancée, Elizabeth. I still feel I got tricked into this marriage thing, but I'm a coward or simply don't have the energy to get out of it. The cold message I got from her after I texted that I needed to stay at the clinic annoyed me. I've explained to her that I'm on call when an animal is in critical condition. She only replied: what's new. I understand her disappointment about me missing dinner with her colleagues, but I've always managed her expectations. This wasn't an excuse I made to get out of the commitment.