History - Bucky Barnes

Howard

~ Vivian 1991
It's mid December, a little over a week until Christmas. I'm sitting in my cabin reading a book by the fire place.

I decide I want a cup of hot coco and get up to make it. I pull out the kettle, then the milk, I start preparing it and as soon as I do I see headlights from outside the window out the corner of my eye.

I walk to my door I can hardly see who it is through the snow that's pouring down.

Two people. As they get closer I see that it's Jarvis and Tony.

I quickly open the door and let them in.

"What the hell are you doing driving out here in this weather" i say not looking at them. I close the door and lock it behind them.

I turn around finally seeing tony who looks like he's had a few drinks. He looks like he's in pain.

"Tony?" I say softly.

No one says anything.

"Jarvis?" He looks at me but doesn't speak.

"God someone say something" i yell. I don't know why. I think I already know. I can practically feel their distress radiating off of them.

"They're gone." Tony finally croaks out.

"Wha- who?" I say walking up to him.

"Mom, Dad" he says shrugging like he doesn't care. He's in denial. Or maybe it's disbelief.

"Both of them? What happened" i say tearing up. I feel like my hearts been ripped out all over again.

This is when it starts. I start outliving everybody. I'm bound to lose everyone.

"Car accident" tony says drinking a beer that i have no idea where it even came from.

"Tony i-" but he doesn't let me finish.

"Do you have anything stronger? Vodka perhaps or Bourbon maybe? I'd settle for Tequila" he says going through my fridge.

I look over at Jarvis. He looks puzzled like he doesn't know what his next move is. It makes sense. He's followed Howard for decades.

"Aha!" I hear tony say shutting my fridge.

"I wouldn't have taken you for a whiskey kind of woman" he says grabbing a glass.

I get up grabbing the bottle from him. I take a huge drink, scrunching my face from the taste.

"Well, Vi" he says taking it and pouring three glasses. Handing me one and walking over to Jarvis to give him one but he declines.

Tony pauses for a bit looking at the glass then says "To mom" bringing the first glass up to his mouth drinking all of it.

Then raises his second glass up and looks at me.

"To the man that made my life hell...but for some odd reason...I miss" tony let's a tear fall then takes the drink. As do I.

Kind of pointless when I can't get drunk.

"To the man that saved my life" i say.

Tony laughs. "Saved your life? He almost ended it when he flew you out to the middle of nowhere and left you there to get tested on like an animal" he yells.

"That was not his fault, I asked him to bring me out there" i say walking closer to tony.

He stands up and says. "He left you to die and never went back to look for you."

I throw my glass down shattering it. "He blamed himself more than I ever did!" I yell and tony goes quiet.

"I wouldn't have made it through the night if Howard hadn't brought me out there. I had lost everything. The love of my life! My best friend! You're dad saw that I was hurting. He couldn't fix it and he was smart enough to know that I was lost. He did what he thought would help." I say crying.

"I just...he just...ah!" Tony yells.

"Why didn't he love me the way he was capable of loving you, of loving Peggy, of loving my mom. Was it because I'm a man? Or because I was a failure in his eyes. what is it!?" Tony says.

I hear it in his voice. He's confused between being hurt over his death and wanting to ignore it. Begging for a reason to either get over it or greave his father.

"Over the years I have told you many stories of your father and i." I start.

Tony sits and I take a seat next to him on my couch.

"There's one I've never thought to mention. The day your dad found out about you. He was on some island with your mother when she told him. He flew all the way here immediately after he found out."

I stop to take a deep breath.

"To tell you he didn't want it"
Tony says.

"What no of course not! He told me how scared he was. That he just wanted to be a good father to you. He was scared he wouldn't know how."

"Congrats my father did say something honest in his life" Tony says standing up throwing his hands up in exasperation and dropping them.

"Tony stop. I know you're hurting but so are we" i say motioning to Jarvis.

"I know you had a complicated relationship with your father and you're allowed to feel this way. I can't tell you to stop thinking that way about him but we are grieving. Please don't make this a battle about who Howard Stark was." I say tiredly.

I feel defeated. He's one of the only people that know about me and who I was before and he's gone.

"I...I'm sorry vi" he says like it's poisonous to say.

"Thank you for apologizing. I know that was hard for you" i say mocking him.

"Stop it" he says annoyed.

"Okay, okay" i say putting my hands up.

"What did you and dad do for fun when he came out here" Tony says.

"We watched mash. I think it was our favorite because it almost reminded us of when we met" i say.

"Well how sweet not doom and gloom at all" tony says.

"Shut up, go grab a drink and some snacks while i put it on" i say walking over to the television.

"Jarvis would you be a saint and-"

Tony starts but Jarvis interrupts.

"I have been listening to you talk and complain for the last hour. Go do it yourself you bloody entitled twat!"

Tony stands there stunned. He turns and walks over to the whisky pouring a glass and walks back over to hand it to Jarvis.

Putting a hand to his head indicating that he's stressed Jarvis takes the glass and let's out a sigh.

"Thank you, Anthony. I don't know what came over me"

~