History - Bucky Barnes

Sneaky

~ Vivian
I thought that once Steve was enhanced he'd be out fighting or at least training but they have him front and center of over 200 Americans singing in tights. 

To be quite frank I'm not exactly sure what he's really contributing. I don't think he's sure either.

Sure giving Americans hope is nice and all but I know he wants to do more.

I want to do more. I haven't so much as put a bandage on a paper cut since the night Dr.Erskine passed.

I have nightmares of him. I should say A nightmare considering it's the same one every night.

After having one I'm sitting outside my tent around a fire someone left burning a bit ago.

We're in...honestly I'm not exactly sure where, we've traveled so much.

I hear giggling and whispers coming from behind the makeup and costume tent

I figured I should probably get out of there before they see me and make for a very awkward conversation.

I walk towards my tent when I hear an all too familiar voice.

"I should change out of the costume first" I hear Steve say and I freeze. "No keep it on i like it" i almost hurl I'm so grossed out.

I mean I'm happy for him don't get me wrong but oh my, I could have lived my entire life without hearing that and would've been fine but now I have some things to work through.

I walk into my tent quietly and close it. Quickly falling back asleep trying to ignore everything single thing I can hear from Steve's tent that it right across from mine.

Not even two pillows and my entire blanket covering my head is helping.

Well, Go Captain America.

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~ Vivian
It's morning now and I'm eating breakfast consisting of coffee with bread and jam.

It may seem simple but it's my favorite, Bucky used to bring me this every morning. My moms jam was the best and he'd always make sure I had a jar. If he noticed I ran out he'd stop by her home and grab some so I had it for the next morning.

My mom and I's relationship was difficult. I blamed her for my dad leaving for a while but I got older and realized that it wasn't her fault.

It was a long time coming , my dad wasn't really there even when he was.

My mom and i got very close before she passed from cancer. It happened fast but I think she was ready. She told me before she passed that she had done everything she wanted to.

I hope that's true.

I don't think she'd be proud of me. I mean I'm not a bad person but I'm letting one thing out of my control dictate my whole life.

I worked years the learn the medical field and let me tell you it's not easy for a lady.

She's be proud I did it but...not proud I'm so ready to give it all up.

God I wish Bucky was here. He'd help me get through it. He'd tell me to pursue it and that It'll be hard but so worth it. I know I should but every time i see someone with a scraped knee I choke on my own breath.

I'll get through this. For him. For me.

.