History - Bucky Barnes

It's happening

~ Vivian 1943
"Alright Joseph I'm starting to think you're getting hurt on purpose just to see me" I say smiling at a soldier I'd gotten used to seeing. "Oh me? Noooo I would never do such a thing Miss" i laugh a little "okay well your cuts all clean and wrapped so get back out there" "Yes ma'am". He walks out just as Steve is walking in and runs into him so hard Steve almost falls over.

"Sorry soldier didn't see you" Steve laughs "no worries I'm used to it"

Steve walks up to me and doesn't say anything for a few seconds.

"Steve? Everything okay?" He takes a deep breath.

"It's happening" i give him a confused look and ask "what's happening?" He finally looks up at me "The experiment, The day after tomorrow and you can come"

I take a seat next to where he's standing. "You know, I'm not exactly fond of the idea of you just putting yourself out like a lab rat".

"Vivian it's so much more than that i promise" I take a second to process what to say next. "I'll be there, I trust you've made the right decision" "thank you, Vi"
"Of course" i sigh and put my head on his shoulder.

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~ Two days later
I'm sitting in a room full of seats next to Peggy and quite a few other very important people I have no business being in the same room as.

Dr.Erskine walks up to my left and looks down at me. "He's going to be fine, don't be nervous" i laugh "what makes you think I'm nervous" he smiles and grabs my hands I didn't realize were shaking vigorously. "Trust me, Sweetheart. I won't let anything happen to him" i give him a nervous but genuine smile.

"I'm trusting you with everything I have left right now" i say looking down to Steve who, for once, is standing confident and proud.

All the scientists start doing whatever it is they need to while Steve walks into a giant brown chamber.

As soon as Howard Stark starts the experiment Peggy grabs my hand and as she does I give hers a little squeeze.

I think we understand how each other feels more than anyone else in this room.

They begin and Steve almost immediately starts grunting in pain.

I stand up, my breathing getting heavy, and my heart rate spiking.

Peggy runs up and yells for them to shut it off and Dr.Erskine agree's when Steve yells "No! Don't! I can do this!"

Trust him. Trust him. Trust him.

It's all I can think about in this moment.

Stark calls out that he's reached 100% when it seems like almost everything in the room has shorted out and sparked.

It gets quiet in the room until Dr.Erskine yells "Mr.Stark"

All of a sudden the chamber opens and i can see Steve...he's...he's...huge!

"Steve!" I yell running down the stairs pushing everyone out of the way but Peggy beat me to it.

I stand back and let them have their moment. She asks how he is, stuttering and definitely struggling to stay focused while handing him a shirt. I laugh at how flustered she is.

She steps back so I can talk to him. "Look at you, you're taller than me" he laughs "yeah and you look worse from up here" i slap his arm lightly while we both laugh.

I look over at Dr.Erskine who has a terrified look on his face. When I turn to see what he's looking at An explosion goes off upstairs causing Steve to put Peggy and i behind him.

Glass blows everywhere and a blast of heat shoots around us.

I hardly have time for my ears to stop ringing before I hear gun shots and Dr.Erskine fall to the ground.

Steve runs to his side and before I can stand he's running after the guy that caused all of this. Peggy and a few other officers start shooting at the man while i rush to the doctors side.

"You're gonna be okay Dr.Erskine" i say while a few muffled sobs try to escape my lips.
I pull off my jacket putting pressure on his wounds.

He tries to speak "i.." "No! Don't talk, save your energy" i cry. "I told...you..i would..nt...let anything happen..to him...he smiles then coughs.

"I knew you wouldn't, I trusted you" I'm sobbing at this point. I've never cared for anyone in this condition. Not to mention I have no tools to help me.

I notice the doctor stops moving. "Dr.Erskine" i say. I start hyperventilating. "Doc..Doctor Erskine" I cry.

He doesn't respond. I check his pulse and when i don't find one everything starts the become a blur. He's gone. I couldn't save him. Everything I've trained for and I couldn't save him.

I scoot myself back towards the wall. Howard calls my name but I can't hear him through my breathing. Everything seems to slow. Steve's out there doing only god knows what. Peggy's run after him. Erskine is gone.

I feel arms pull me up and out of the room.

Everything feels like a daze for I'm not sure how long. When I finally snap out of it I see Steve walking up to me. I push myself up and he throws his arms around me comforting me.

"I couldn't save him. Steve I'm so sorry I'm so sorry" he shushes me and tells me everything's going to be okay.

Is it? Will it be okay because being a nurse means I will feel this again. For once, it's really hitting me that I'm not sure if I can handle this. I always thought of nursing as helping save lives.

But what about loosing them.