"Lie to me," he whispered. His face was so close and I couldn't breathe.
"Lie to me and tell me you don't want me as much as I want you. Lie to me and tell me you don't want to press those pretty lips of yours to mine right now. Lie to me and tell m...
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taking place right after chapter nineteen.
She left me.
The realization sank in my heart like a dead weight.
I watched her walk out, taking my soul with her.
I felt like I couldn't breathe.
One part of me wanted to claw my eyes out. Rip every strand of hair from my head, cut the skin off my bones. I wanted to squeeze my heart until it stopped beating. But that had already happened, the second she uttered those words.
The other part of me wanted to beg her back. What did I do? I wanted to cry, wanted to sob, wanted to scream.
I wanted to fall on my knees in front of her and tell her I loved her. I wanted to mutter the words over and over until I couldn't think of anything else. Until my lips started bleeding. Until my mouth memorized the pattern.
But instead, my brain was frozen. My limbs were unmoving. But my heart sobbed and my mind screamed.
I can't breathe.
Breathe, breathe, breathe, my mind murmured.
But I couldn't.
They were coming shorter now. I was gasping for breaths, choking on the oxygen that tried to fill my lungs.
Why does everyone leave?
What am I doing wrong?
Alaska was hurt. I left her without telling her where I went. I abandoned her, just like everyone else had.
This was all my fault.
All your fault, all your fault, is what my mind chanted.
Over and over, until it was echoing in my skull and reverberating in my bones. Over and over, until my hands shook and my breathing stopped.
My lungs were collapsing inside of me. My heart was breaking in my chest.
I remember when I used to think that people would exaggerate how they felt when someone left them. How I tried not to laugh as they described the pain they felt.
But now, I realized the truth.
Everyone left me. One by one. And each one tore a piece of my heart away, ripped it from my chest and crumbled it on the ground as I watched. Spit in my face and told me to suck it up.
But there was officially no part of my heart left.
After the funeral, I thought the worst was over. I thought the pain would subside and the sorrow would drown in the depths of my tears.
