choni one shots ❥

back to december

in honour of taylor swifts 10th studio album coming out in FIVE DAYS (wtf!!!) here's a cute/sad(?) one shot based on 'back to December'

also this is kinda long and also prolly my fav one shot ive done so hey ho

Cheryl couldn't remember the last time she was truly happy. She had let herself become so lost within the sadness of her soul, that she forgot all the reasons she had to live for. Her head became a mosh pit for all the miserable thoughts she had collected over seven years. She tried to find peace, but all of those memories and emotions that lived in her body, started to eat her alive.

Limb by limb.

Day by day.

Despite not knowing what to do about the issue that lay inside of her, she remembered everything about an issue that she was so sure would haunt her for the rest of her days. She had never fallen for anyone but her. When she loved someone, they became a part of who she was a person. They became a part of the air she'd breathe everyday, a part of the book she'd read to escape her tireless head, a part of the bottle she'd drink to drown out her thoughts. Their touch would stay on her skin for days after contact and their voice would linger in her ears. She wouldn't know what to do with herself if they ever went away. And that was her problem.

She simply didn't know how to love someone adequately. 

She made a promise to herself seven years ago. She promised that she would never fall in love again if it wasn't her. And if she did ever manage to fall down that hole, she would love them right. Unlike she did with Toni Topaz.

----

September 23rd and her hands were stroking her head as she placed a small, affectionate kiss on her scalp. 

Moonlight crept in from the crack in the middle of the curtains, illuminating the two young lovers on the bed.

"You'll be okay," Toni whispered into her hair, trying to fight back the tears that were so close from escaping her eyes. "I promise."

Cheryl had a harder time fighting tears than Toni did. When she got upset, it was like it consumed her. Toni had learnt to live with this, and to say it was a difficult journey would've been an understatement. But she couldn't blame that on Cheryl, people are just sad sometimes, and thats okay.

Cheryl was eternally grateful for what Toni did for her, she was positive she would never be able to love someone as much as she loved the girl who was currently stroking her hair after a panic attack. She wiggled around in her girlfriends lap so she could face her, and take a good look at the beauty that lay before her. "I'm sorry." Cheryl choked out, solemnly. The tears didn't stop falling. 

"Don't apologise, you're not at fault for what your mind makes you do." Cheryl's lip began to shake as Toni wore a soft smile. "I love you."

Cheryl couldn't get any words out. No one had ever said those three words to her. Not her bestfriend, not her ex, not her mother. Her body went into a sense of shock and without any warning, she found herself saying those words back. For the first time, she truly felt loved.

"I love you." She whispered, adjusting her body to reach Toni's lips.

She could feel the smile on Toni's face as her mouth connected with her lips.

Toni felt a warm tear on her cheek. She pulled away from her girlfriend reluctantly, without being able to open her eyes after. She went to wipe her eyes, when she realised they weren't her tears.

She looked over at Cheryl, who had now moved beside her girlfriend on the bed. The brunette let out a sad sigh as she listened to Cheryls solitary sniffles. 

It was now that she realised she couldn't save Cheryl. Nothing could save her. But even with this now buried in her mind, she would try her damn hardest to make her life a tiny bit better than it is.

----

December 13th and her hands ran shakily through her hair to the back of her neck. 

The last thing Cheryl wanted to do was argue with her girlfriend. And the worst part is, she knew that she was the one to start it. 

"If you think I'm so 'depressed' then why don't you just leave me, huh?! Why don't you just walk out that fucking door and never come back?"

She regretted every single thing she had just said. She didn't have control over what she was saying, and she prayed more than anything that Toni knew that as well.

"Cheryl, please don't." Toni whispered as she looked down at the floor, hiding the solemn look that painted her face blue.

"You said it your fucking self, Toni, you think I'm 'too sad to be with you'." Cheryl cursed herself for saying that. "Leave now, cause' it'll save me all the fucking misery of having to watch you fall out of love with me in the future."

"Cheryl, I know that you have your own issues, and you know I've tried my fucking hardest to cater to your every need, and be the best girlfriend in the whole universe for you. I love you, so much, and the last thing I want to do right now is walk out of that stupid door." Toni felt a tear roll down her cheek.

"Toni, leave before I physically push you out myself." Cheryl gripped the counter harder than before. She could feel her hands becoming bruised, but it was what she deserved, right?

"I'm not going to fight you, Cheryl. But please just think about what you're saying here," She took a deep breath and inched towards her girlfriend slowly. "And once you've thought about it, and that's really what you want, then I'll leave."

"I don't need to fucking 'think about it' Toni, I've made up my mind."

Shit, shit, shit. Cheryl thought to herself.

Toni let out a soft sniffle before nodding her head and turning towards the bedroom door. "Can I at least get a blanket and some clothes before I leave?"

"Just fucking go."

Cheryl looked into Toni's eyes as she watched her open the front door and opened her mouth, "I'll always love you."

----

She hated herself. Every fucking part of herself. She looked at herself in the mirror, only she didn't recognise it. 

It had been the same cycle for seven years. She would wake up, look at the person in the mirror, get a bottle of vodka and then go back to bed. She disgusted herself. The only thing she wanted to do was make thing right with the person who felt like home. Cheryl needed that change now. The same one she had been longing for since that December night all those years ago. She took one last strong sip from the glass bottle and threw it across the room.

She didn't flinch at the glass shattering.

Her body just stood there. Wandering. Screaming. Begging for someone to come and rescue her out of this hell she had built for herself.

But she knew the only person who could do that was Toni. And she needed to prepare for that conversation.

----

"Why does it smell like some high schoolers had a party in here?" Toni laughed. Cheryl didn't.

Cheryl shrugged it off. She wondered why Toni was acting as if she didn't break her heart more than once. She wondered why she was having a joke with her even though they hadn't spoken in seven years.

"Are you okay?" Questioned Toni. Cheryl looked directly in her eyes and let everything out.

"I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry for what I did, and I know you're probably going to hate me because it's taken me this long to say something. But when I tell you that there hasn't been a day where that night hasn't swallowed me whole in someway or another, you have to believe me. I was a shit person and that made me a shit girlfriend to you. You didn't deserve any of the shit you had to put up with when I was with you, and I'll be apologising for the rest of my goddamn life for what I've done to you." 

Toni couldn't look her in the eyes, and this was the moment she realised the night had been haunting her as well, only she thought she had managed to hide it more.