Nonentity Probie {Marina/Maya & Carina}

Fallen Other (Chapter 5)

Usually breakfast in bed is a nice sentiment, thoughtful and caring, but when you know the real reason behind it, you don't really enjoy it as much as you should.

Logan usually loves Carina's french toast, she made it with love and there was never a bad batch, but it felt different this time around. Like it was made with guilt and shame.

It kills Logan to sit there and watch Carina try to convince herself that she wanted something that she didn't. Her heart ached knowing that she wasn't enough anymore, she wasn't who Carina wanted anymore. Yet she can't force herself to admit it out loud, because when she says it in words, then it actually becomes true, she has to face the truth, that she so wants to be false.

Ever since Logan left them in the gym two weeks ago. Carina has been extra nice and caring, always including her in everything she does, telling her more and more stories everyday from work, and Logan enjoys every minute of it. The only thing that sucks, is knowing how long it's going to last, Logan knows that these are probably going to be their last moments.

Because truthfully, she doesn't know what entirely happened in the gym when she left, all she knows is that Carina never came back through the bunk doors. She watched every second, right until the klaxon rang calling them to a scene. Yet Carina still didn't leave those doors, she stayed in the gym with Maya right until the last second, right until Logan's last heart string snapped.

She's been so badly hoping she over-thought the situation, that she didn't see what she saw, and that Carina did return to her side, kissed her and held her hand under the table. She waited to see if Carina would say anything, just a small thing that would instigate that she was seeing things, that what she was thinking was wrong.

But she was fooling herself, and she has been for two weeks now. Whenever Carina would come to the station to see 'Logan', she would make eyes at Maya whenever she would walk into the kitchen. The kind of eyes that said 'i like you but I have a girlfriend' and Logan had to physically look away from her girlfriend. Because it doesn't matter how long she convinces herself that Carina still loves her, and still wants to be with her, she knows that in the end, it's not true...well not anymore anyway.

And Logan doesn't have the heart to admit to Carina that she knows.

Because truthfully, Carina is all Logan has at this point. Her mother still lives in chicago with her younger sister and her dad is a big time businessman that can't find time to see his daughter. So Logan really can't afford to lose her. Logan truly loves Carina, words cannot explain how much she loves her, and maybe it is because they were friends beforehand, but Logan really just wants Carina to be happy, and if that means Logan has to be out of the picture, then she's just going to have to fight really hard to accept that.

She is going to have to accept that her girl has fallen for another.

Although, as selfish as it may seem, she's going to try to hold onto Carina as long as she can. As much as it physically pains her to live in the moment knowing that one day, all they have is going to end, she needs her. She needs Carina in her life, girlfriend or not, she has been there since day one.

So until the day comes around that Carina can no longer pretend to love her, she's going to truly love her as much as she can, until she has to accept it.

"I'm going to get a drink, do you want one?" Carina asked as she sat next to Logan on the couch in the lounge. Logan looked from the tv to the kitchen to see the fallen other in the kitchen filling up a mug size flask with coffee.

Before giving Carina an answer, she closed her eyes slowly, taking a small breath before reopening her eyes and turning her head to face Carina. "I would love one, thank you" Logan responded, getting a small smile from Carina that just broke her heart even more.