childhood friends

Chapter 15 - 3rd year without him

A couple years later

Katerina PoV:
I've cried myself to sleep every night since Bucky died, if I've slept. I'm 178 days clean from self harm, I did it by myself. No one helped me get clean, no one knows.

I'm in the training room at the moment and I'm on the treadmill. Some one taps me on the shoulder so I get off the treadmill and take my headphones off. I turn around to see Natasha. "Can we talk?" She asks and I scoff. "Talk? Are you serious right now! You broke up with me because I wanted to save my best friend!" I shouted at her. "I didn't break up with you because you wanted to save Bucky I broke up with you because you were going to kill your self for him!" She yelled back. "Yeah that's what friends do! Try to save each other no matter the cost!" I shouted and brung my hands up to my face. My sleeve fell down and she saw the scars on my arm. Before she could say anything I walked away.

I checked the time and it was 3:30pm. I went back up to my room to shower. While I was washing my hair I decided that I was going to go to the club and hookup with some random whore.

(1:07am)

I'm pretty drunk and I'm leaving this girls apartment. Before I leave I find a bottle of vodka that's half full and finish it. As I get out of the building my vision blurs and I can't walk properly.

I lean over into the nearest bush and puke my guts out. I stood up and my vision was back to normal. I still felt sick though. I walked to the closest shop and brought a bottle of whiskey, you only live once right.

I sat down on the first bench I saw and drank the whole bottle. I could feel myself slowly getting drunk. That's when a car pulled up in front of me.

Natasha stepped out of the car and I rolled my eyes. "Get in Katerina." She demanded but I stayed seated on my bench. "Katya come on." She moaned but I just looked her up and down. She looked hot, I mean she always looks hot.

She sat down next to me. "What's wrong?" She asked and at first I was confused because to the normal person I looked fine just a little tipsy. "I'm fine." I told her and she laughed. "Really? Because we both know what today is." She said and a single tear rolled down my cheek. I don't think I've sobered up quicker in my life. "It's not a big deal." I told her but I knew she didn't believe me. "It was last year, you got shit face drunk and tried to jump of the roof." She said and I looked down. "And the year before that Clint found you just before you took a whole bottle of Tylenol." She said and tears threatened to spill but I pushed them down. I dug my nails into my palm without thinking.

"Just drunk with a few hookups this year." I said and that's when she realised I was no longer drunk. "That's an improvement I guess." She said and we both awkwardly laughed.

I got in the passenger seat of the car while Natasha drove. "Did you ever love me?" She asked and I tensed up. "Who says I still don't?" I teased and she rolled her eyes because she thought I was joking. "Seriously Katerina I need to know." She said as she looked at me. I went silent for a bit. We pulled up to the compound.

Before she got to say something I got out of the car. "Katerina!" Natasha said but I carried on walking. I knew if I didn't I would end up telling her the truth about how I feel about her. "Katerina I'm trying to talk to you!" She shouted. "Talk? You wanna talk? Ok well we can talk." I said while throwing my arms about. "I'm sorry-" she said but I cut her off.

Our lips connected and it felt like a hole in my heart had been filled. She placed a hand on my cheek as I put a hand on her lower back. "I hope that answers your question about me ever loving you or not." I said as my hot breath caught her neck. I went to walk away but she grabbed my wrist.

She pulled me in for a tight hug. "I've missed you so much." She said and for the first time in ages I accepted a hug. "I've missed you too." I said as I melted into her hug. "Can we go inside?" I asked and she nodded.

We got in the compound and as we were walking past the couch she jumped on it and laid down. I laid down next to her and she rolled on top of me. I held her close and my hand went under her top. I drew shapes on her back while she played with the buttons on my shirt.

I fell asleep pretty quickly and I'm guessing Natasha did as well.