childhood friends

Chapter 14 - bad idea (not like girl in reds song)

TW - sh
Steve PoV:
I was begging Katya not to do this. As much as I loved Buck I know that he would never forgive himself if she killed herself for him. That's when she collapsed and Bucky stayed laying down. I ran over to her. "Katerina!" Wanda shouted as she ran over to her. She began shaking her. "Katya please!" Wanda shouted as tears streamed down her face. Wanda completely broke down in my arms and I was frozen.  

I saw her finger twitch and so did Wanda. I checked her pulse and she had one. Then we both heard the jet land. We both rushed outside to find Natasha, Clint and Tony. "Did she kill herself?" Clint asked and everyone could hear the pain in his voice. "No...but she's not exactly conscious." I said and Natasha just walked off. "Did she save Bucky?" Clint asked and I shook my head. His eyes filled with tears and he walked off.

"What's up with Natasha?" I asked Tony and he sighed. "She broke up with Katya." Tony said and I nodded.

Katerina PoV:
I woke up and saw Bucky's lifeless body. I felt tears fall down my face. I kissed his forehead and I ran out the room. I saw Clint. "Shit are you ok!" He said with a concerned look on his face. "I'm fine." I replied bluntly. That's when I saw Natasha. She went to say something but I just walked away.

I went into my room and got a box. I put all of Natasha's things in it and left it at her door. I went into Bucky's room and got a few of his hoodies. I went back into my room and climbed into bed.

I have never in my life felt more numb. I just wanted to feel something, anything. That's when something came into my head. I slowly got out of bed and went into my bathroom. I got a razor blade out from the cupboard under the sink. I pulled my sleeve up and pushed it into my wrist. I dragged the blade along my skin 5 times. Blood was dripping down my hand and into the sink. I grabbed some tissue and put pressure on my cuts. The bleeding quickly stopped and I washed my hands.

I got back in bed and cuddled one of Bucky's hoodies. I cried myself to sleep and hoped to not wake up tomorrow.

(the next day)

Natasha PoV:
I couldn't sleep without Katya next to me. It's 4:30am and I'm in the training room. I'm beating the shit out of the punching bag.

8:30am

I'm just leaving the training room and I see Steve. "Have you seen Katya?" He asked and I shook my head. I walked off back to my room. Just hearing her name felt painful.

Katerina PoV:
I only got half an hour of sleep before I woke up due to a nightmare. I tried to go back to sleep but I couldn't so I just laid there rethinking my entire existence.

I didn't bother checking the time but I knew it was getting early when the light began to peek through my blinds and I heard doors opening and closing down the hall. I don't know how long I laid there but there was a knock at my door. "Hey Katya it's Clint I'm just making sure that you're ok?" He asked and my eyes filled with tears. "Go away!" I shouted and I heard him walk off.

I needed to be alone, I didn't need people constantly on me and then asking if I'm ok 24/7. I needed Natasha if I'm being honest but I knew she hated me so there was no chance that was happening.

(the next day)

I didn't sleep last night, my mind was racing and Natasha wasn't here to stop it. I got up to go to the toilet and the blade caught my eye. I did what I did before and got back in bed.

I grabbed my headphones and put some music on. I pretended to be asleep so if anyone came in I wouldn't have to talk to them. I laid there for a good 9 hours thinking about how it could of been my fault that Bucky isn't alive right now. Maybe if I got there sooner he would be alive.

(the next day)

I still didn't get any sleep I was just up crying the whole night. I knew I needed to get some food or a drink at least today otherwise I was actually gonna kill myself. I checked the time and it was 1pm. I put a hoodie and shorts on. I grabbed my headphones and put those on as well.

I went into the kitchen and put some bread in the toaster. While I was waiting for my toast I got a glass of water. I had a sip and put it on the island. Once my toast was ready I buttered it and put it on a plate.

I sat at the kitchen island and had a few sips of water. I brought my slice of toast up to my mouth but I felt to sick to eat. I put my hood up and then I put my head on the table and cried.

My life basically exploded and I can't even eat a piece of fucking toast. I put the toast in the bin and finished my water. As I was walking out of the kitchen I bumped into Natasha.

She went to say something but I walked off.