childhood friends

Chapter 25 - having a wonderful time

Katerina PoV:
She dug deep and immediately found the part of me that I don't let anyone see, not even Natasha.

I was back outside the orphanage in Italy. The screams of the kids and how they slowly disappeared would haunt me forever. I would do anything to go back and stop myself.

My vision went black for a few seconds and when it came back I was in front of Madame.
"You care about her too much." She said referring to Natasha. "She deserves better than you, a murderous monster!" She shouted and I sobbed. I felt stuck in place. I brought a hand up to cover my face. "That's not true!" I sobbed, my voice cracking.

My vision went black again and it came back but this time it felt like I was drowning, I tried to swim to the surface. In my head I heard Natasha's voice. "Your ledger is gushing red! In fact it's drowning in red! You are pure evil Katya!" She shouted causing me to stop trying to reach the surface. I screamed letting my mouth fill with liquid. That's when I realised, it was blood. I gave up trying to fight and accepted my fate. I let the blood fill my lungs and that was it.

I woke up and the girl was on the floor, blood oozing from a hole in her stomach. A knife on the floor, my hands covered in blood. I also noticed some bruising around her neck. "No. No no no." I panicked as I leaned over her body. My eyes filling with tears as I collapsed onto her, not being able to support myself. I cried until I went numb.

I managed to get up and go down the stairs. I got on my motorbike that I had left a couple of days earlier as a quick getaway.

Natasha PoV:
It was 8pm and the party's almost started Katya isn't back yet. I phoned her and she isn't answering.

Katerina PoV:
I got back to the compound at 8:15pm. I saw Bucky and Steve outside taking about god knows what. I shoved my hands inside my pockets because I know if Steve saw the blood on my hands I would be dead.

"Starks not gonna be happy that your not ready." Bucky teased and I just forced a laugh. I accidentally read his mind and I knew he was going to tell Natasha something was up.

I ran upstairs and quickly got in the shower. I began panicking when the water got warm, it reminded me of the blood so I changed it to cold I washed the blood off my hands first. I took the braids out and washed my hair as there was a bit of blood in it.

I got out and quickly dried my hair. I quickly did my makeup. I lightly curled my hair and got some pieces from the front and tied them at the back of my head.

I dug around in my closet and found a dress.

(I hope you can see it but if you can't then imagine something.)

I found some basic white heels that go with the dress so I put those on as well.

I was ready just in time. As I was walking to the party I was mentally preparing myself to put on a facade the whole night, if I could do that. I checked the time.

8:56pm

I went downstairs. As I walked down the stairs all eyes went of me and I couldn't help but feel a little uncomfortable. My mind was still racing so I could hear everyone's thoughts. Most of them where 'damn' , 'she looks hot' or insecure girls worrying I was going to steal their boyfriends. I went over to the bar and ordered a beer.

Natasha came over and sat next to me. "Are you ok? Buc-" she said but I cut her off. "Bucky said something seemed off. I'm fine Natasha don't worry." I said and she just looked at me trying to read me but I knew she had already seen through my facade. "Uh huh. I'm not stupid Katya." She said to me and I just walked away. "Katya!" She called after me. She grabbed my wrist. "Don't do that! Don't push me away." She said and my eyes filled with tears. "I'm sorry." I said as I freed myself from her grasp.

I walked away, pushing my emotions down. I bumped into Peter. "Oh my god! Katya I haven't seen you in forever!" He said giving me a hug. "I know I've missed you so much." I told him while I forced a smile onto my face and gave him a hug back. "How have you been?" I asked, feeling sick already. "I've been alright, Mj said yes so I've been spending lots of time with her." He explained and I nodded. "How is she?" I asked hoping he wouldn't ask how I am. "She's good but enough about me how are you?" He said and I forced a laugh. "Ive actually been doing great, I got my shoulder fixed today." I told him and he looked at my shoulder. The bullet scar was still there but from where Dr Cho cut me there was no mark. "It looks good." He told me and I smiled. "I will see you later." I told him as I walked off.

I immediately went to the toilet and locked the door. I looked at my hands and I saw the blood on them again. I blinked and they were back to normal.

There was a knock on the door. "Someone's in here." I said and my voice was shaking. "It's me, can I come in?" Natasha asked and I pulled myself together. I opened the door and she came in the toilet. "Please tell me what's wrong." She begged with tears in her eyes. "I can't. I'm sorry." I said while blinking tears away. "You can, I know you can." She told me while she placed her hands on my waist. "You are the strongest person I know, whatever's stopping you I know you're better than it." She explained to me as a single tear fell down her cheek. I thought about it for a second.

I pushed her hands of my waist and walked out the toilet. As I walked off I heard her sobs but I blocked them out.

(...)

I sat down on the couch next to Maria. "Hey." She said after she took a sip of her beer. "Hi." I replied. "Natasha, Clint and Bucky were looking for you, it seemed really urgent." She informed me and I rolled my eyes while sighing.

I went down to the lake behind the compound, knowing no one ever really went down there.
I sat down and looked over the water. After half an hour I was trying not to have a breakdown. Tears streamed down my cheeks and my face was buried in my hands.

"Baby..." Natasha said warily. I sobbed as I stood up to face her. "It's ok. I'm here. I'm here." She repeated as I sobbed onto her shoulder. "I love you." She reminded me. "You shouldn't." I muttered under my breath and she forced me to look at her. "You are not a monster Katya." She told me but I looked down. "I killed a little girl Natasha. I'm a monster!" I sobbed and she looked shocked. "If you were a monster it wouldn't of effected you." She assured me as I continued sobbing.

"But I'm still capable of doing it!" I shouted at her. I was angry with her for not being angry with me. I wanted her to shout at me because that's what I deserve. "I'm just as capable as you of doing something like that! Does that mean I'm a monster?" She questioned raising her voice as well. "It's different and you know it!" I yelled at her and she scoffed. "No it's not, you just hate yourself for not being able to change the past and newsflash Katya, that's never going to happen! All you can do is try and heal from your past!" She shouted and I looked at her. I turned around and walked away. "Katya wait!" She shouted after me but I ignored her. "Katya please." She begged as she got in front of me. "Leave me alone Natasha." I warned her as I pushed past her.

I went into the forest and sat down against a tree. I cried and screamed my heart out. I never wanted anyone to see me like this. It had only happened a couple times before but I don't think it has ever been this bad. I've never felt this out of control.

I know that everyone would be in the living room and I could easily avoid them.