Of Life And Hope

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Loki frowned, leaning backwards to further sink into the couch. He'd have to talk to his brother later. Could it really be...?

-~:~-

"Brother!" Loki called, rushing after Thor in the hallway. "Please, just listen to me."

The stubborn blond finally stopped, looking rather frustratedly at the man that had been calling out to him while chasing him the past five minutes. "I know what you're thinking, Loki," he growled. "Forget it. It happened decades, if not centuries, ago and there's no way she could've survived that fall."

"But they share the same name," Loki insisted. "The accent is same, too. And don't you remember how she talked about 'waves from the head' all the time? We thought her crazy."

"I know, brother," Thor grimaced. "But I think she'd remember us. And she'd most definitely be older."

With that, Mr. Rapunzel turned around and left the corridor, rounding a corner. Loki sighed, frowning. "I should've known that big oaf wouldn't understand," he muttered, turning around and rounding a corner the opposite way than Thor.

Surprise, surprise, he ran into you.

You tilted your head, seeing his frustrated expression, and were about to ask if he was okay. Then you thought better of it, remembering what happened the last time you asked something. About Asgard, to be precise.

Instead, you cast your eyes downwards, stepped aside, and muttered a "sorry" as you passed the God of Mischief.

Loki looked at you walk away, Doozy fluttering above your shoulder, with a concerned look. You had never just ignored him before or looked sad around him. Had he done something wrong?

-<>-

You had done something wrong. You were sure of it. Maybe "home" was a topic to avoid around Loki?

You made a mental note of that as you laid down on your bed to think. "Doozy, what have I done wrong?"

Can you specify, please? appeared a hologram-text above your head.

You sighed, remembering that Doozy wasn't a being - a human - you could easily converse with. "Y'know what, nevermind. Doozy, shut down."

The bird slowly glided to the ground, a lifeless piece of origami once more. You picked it up and gently set it on the bedside table so the setting sun cast over it and loaded its batteries.

You let yourself fall back on your bed, falling into the rabbit hole of your thoughts.

Thor said Loki can make illusions and whatever happened in the nightmare reminded him of it, you thought. Might as well try, right?

You sat up, looking at your hands. How do I even-

You clenched your hands into fists, trying to concentrate on being someone else. A glance at the mirror and your reflection told you you hadn't succeeded.

"Abracadabra, there's two of me now?" you said uncertainly, making the decision to try and make illusions around you instead of on you.

Nothing, you were alone. As always.

Pft, Y/n, what? you laughed at yourself. You weren't always lonely. Not really.

Did Thor say anything else...? you wondered. No, Loki didn't know what he was talking about, you reminded yourself.

And just like that, you were reminded of the topic of Asgard.

With a sigh, you closed your eyes, concentrating on taking a few deep breaths. The familiar rings of brainwaves appeared in the air as soon as you opened your eyes, only they were yours and yours only. Another reminder that you were alone.

"What's up with you?" you growled at yourself. "All sad and negative. Stop."

With a frown, you grabbed a brainwave of yours and it became a line in front of you. You looked at the bumpy line, most of the memories at 70% to 80% in accurate remembering terms. That was normal, in your experience, that was how memories usually were.

But then you started scrolling back and the further away in the past you got, the less you started remembering.

Also normal.

What wasn't normal was that as soon as you scrolled past the five year timestamp, everything dropped to zero. Everything. Your memories were drawing an absolute blank where regular people usually had a 5% range.

You let out a breath, looking at the line. You had tried this before so you knew what to expect.

You placed a sweaty hand on the line and raised it slightly. Immediately, pain shot through your head.

Biting your tongue to keep yourself from crying out, you kept going. Higher and higher and higher, you were almost at 50% now, you could see space. Stars. Your vision started going black with pain as you neared 70% and burning goosebumps rose on your skin, making it feel as if your body was on fire.

You couldn't do it anymore. With a yell of pain, you let go of the line, panting. You watched as it went back down to zero, anger at yourself starting to bubble in your chest. You were so close this time! Why couldn't you just bear with it!?

You cursed under your breath, slamming your fists down on your bed to stop them from shaking. With a shaky sigh, you laid back on the bed. I'll have to shower later... you mused in your head, feeling how sweaty you were.

However, it didn't stop you from being angry with yourself and with whatever had blocked your memories. What was up with that, anyway?!

It was a question you asked yourself often. Along with the other obvious questions, of course.

What are the memories that have been blocked? What could be so strong and special about them that I can't bring them back?