The connection - New beginnings

Chapter Eighteen - Revelations

Chase

"Can we talk?" I asked her out loud for once instead of in her head. I knew coming here tonight was going to be more like torture but part of me thought that the pain of seeing her with someone else was worth it just to get to see her and be near her.

"Chase please" she pleaded as I tried my best to rein my thoughts in.

"Sorry, I honestly do just want to talk to you if that's okay?" 

She studied my face before slowly nodding "not here though" she gestured to the small crowds I'd people who littered the large room adjoining the kitchen that we stood in. I looked towards the French doors that led out to the garden. It would definitely be quieter out there. The party had only been going a few hours and it already looked set to be a rager.

She followed me outside and we walked silently down the stone steps until we were met by grass.

"Hang on a minute" she reached a hand out to my arm to steady herself as she removed her heels as I enjoyed the warmth from her grasp. "Sorry my heels were sinking into the grass" she chuckled softly trying to ease the tension between us. 

We continued to walk around the garden in silence. We walked close enough that every now and then our hands would brush against each other and I'd feel the hot tingles against my skin.

"So..you wanted to talk" she spoke softly without stopping her stride

"Yeah. I didn't like where we left things the other day on the phone"

"Chase, nothings changed. I'm with Zac"

"But you love me"

"Please don't make this any harder than it already is" she pleaded with me

"Harder. You think I'm making this harder, you're the one dreaming of my fucking mouth on your pussy every chance you get" I snapped at her

"I said I was sorry" she sobbed quietly. I knew I was being unfair but I couldn't help it.

"What and that makes it okay? Christ Alex I'm in fucking love with you, can't you see that. Is what I did really deserving of this torture"

"What are you on about? I'm not trying to torture you"

"Aren't you because it sure fucking feels like it. I wanted to die after what I did to you, I almost fucking did. But now, now when I think there might be a glimmer of hope that you could forgive me...you bring him here. Some guy who you don't love but you let fuck you just to prove a fucking point"

"That's what you believe. You think I moved on with Zac to make a point and torture you?"

"I don't fucking know Alex but if you apparently love me so god damn much then why the fuck is he even in the picture in the first place"

"Why is he in the picture! I'll tell you why he's in the fucking picture! Because I'm fucked up, I'm broken. You broke me Chase. Not because of what you did to me when you lost control but because of what you did after. You tried to kill yourself. You almost fucking died and when you did that part of me died too. I could never be with you again after that. Knowing that I could push you over the edge like that. What if I pissed you off, what if my feelings for Nate had still been there. What if one day I made you jealous again. I'd rather lose you as a boyfriend than lose you altogether. So fuck your Chase. Yes I love you but I'm not with you for your own good, not for any selfish reasons that I'm trying to torture you for. 

"Lex" my voice was a whisper as I took in her revelation

"No, don't Lex me. Fuck you Chase for thinking I would intentionally try and hurt you. I'm just trying to move on with my life and you should do the same. We aren't good for each other. I'm not good for you. That has been made very clear."

I stood speechless as I listened to her words. She wasn't with me because in some twisted way she thought I was better off. That being with her would lead me down that dark path again. She loved me, she'd admitted it. In that moment there was only one thing I wanted to do. I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her lips up to mine. We kissed with so much passion I began to feel dizzy. Tingles erupting all over my body like fireworks and I tasked her sweet cherry lips. The sound of her moans filled my ears and I grew instantly hard at the sweet sweet sounds that I hadn't heard for so long. God what this girl did to me, I was like putty in her hands.

I was snapped out of my euphoria by a hard slap to my face. She held her hand against her lips as if she couldn't quite believe what had just happened, then she turned without saying a word and I watched her walk back towards the house, part of me wanted to run after her but I knew that wasn't what she needed right now. After a few minutes I headed back inside and made my way to the kitchen in search of a drink. Alcohol was the only thing that was going to get me through this party.

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A few drinks later I refilled my cup and walked down the hall with my drink in hand searching for somewhere quiet that I could wallow in my self pity. After my argument with Alex and that kiss I knew coming here was a mistake and just wanted to keep out the way until I was sober enough to drive home or drunk enough to pass out. 

I approached a door at the end of the hall and turned the handle hoping this would turn out to be an empty room I could hide out in for a couple of hours. As I twisted the handle and pushed the door open I heard a squeal as I came face to face with a naked Zac straddling Alex on the bed of what I presumed to be a guest room. Her face was hidden by a pillow but I could see her brown hair poking out underneath it. I immediately slammed the door shut and stood there in disbelief for a second before I turned away. I felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest. Seeing her like that with him, I wanted to be sick.

"Chase, have you seen Zac" a voice asked from the end of the hallway. Was I dreaming? My eyes looked up and met her brown ones. The sequins of her pink dress sparkled in the dim light. The dress looked so out of place on her but at the same time it looked like the most perfect thing she'd ever worn. I reeled my thoughts back in.

"Lex?" I breathed. Relief that it wasn't her in that room but devastation at the pain I knew she was about to feel. My eyes studied hers as she tentatively walked closer, her eyes moving from mine to the door I stood beside.

"No" she shook her head as tears pricked her eyes. She'd heard my thoughts, she knew what was behind that door but I knew she'd want to see it for herself. I stood paralysed as I watched her open the door. Her beautiful face was broken as her hand covered her mouth in shock before she turned and ran back down the hallway. 

"Alex...wait...shit...Alex" I heard Zac call from inside the room before stumbling into the hallway. He'd managed to find some jeans to put on but I could see the naked girl wrapped up in a bedsheet behind him was most definitely not Alex. 

"Stay the fuck away from her" I spat in a warning tone stopping him dead in his tracks as I raced down the hall after her.