The connection - New beginnings

Chapter fifteen - Deja vu

Alex

I tried not to squirm too much in my seat as I sat on the bench next to Jules as we looked out at the beautiful garden that surrounded us. I was mentally kicking myself for going through with this stupid notion of coming to see Jules to smooth things over. What if I just ended up making things worse.

I played with the hem of my dress as I nervously waited for the right words to come to mind. Shit it was like I was having a total mind blank.

"So, you wanted to talk?" Jules offered me a small smile as she asked the question. Was she feeling as awkward as I was right now?

"Uh yeah" I struggled to find my voice 

"Jules I wanted to apologise" I finished not knowing what exactly to say next?

"For what?" She questioned with an innocent look on her face.

"Um well for my behaviour really I guess" I stammered again. What was wrong with me. This girl seriously intimidated me.

"Oh, you mean for kissing my boyfriend?" She asked with a raised brow as she look another sip of the lemonade Nate had poured for us. I felt my cheeks instantly heat up, shit this really wasn't going how I wanted it to.

"I'm sorry, I um I didn't mean for that to happen. Honestly Jules it was a complete mistake" I gushed suddenly finding my voice again.

"Do you love him?" She asked bluntly without even looking at me.

I had to be honest here. She deserved that I suppose. 

"Yes. But Jules it's not like that with us anymore, I don't love him like that but I think deep down part of me will always love him in some sort of way if that makes sense" 

Her eyes finally met mine, her expression seemed to soften. "Funny, he pretty much said the same thing when I asked him" she took another sip of her lemonade before placing it back on the grass.

"You guys had something pretty intense. He told me that much but I guess part of me didn't really get it until now"

"Yeah, it was definitely intense. I probably didn't handle the whole situation very well, I don't blame Nate for moving on. I really am happy for him, for both of you. He deserves to be with someone who can give him what he wants, what he needs"

"What he needs?" 

"Yeah, someone who isn't in love with his brother I guess" I chuckled trying to lighten the mood. 

"Ah Chase, you know I don't really know much about him. He's not been around much" 

"Yeah, guess that's kind of my fault. Leaving was the best thing for all of us. I didn't want to come between them anymore" I sighed.

"So Chase?" She asked 

"What about him?"

"That look in your eye just then when you spoke about him and you said, someone who isn't in love with his brother. You're still in love with him aren't you, Chase?"

Damn this girl was good, she'd probably been spending too much time with Natalie.

I gave a small nod before answering "I thought time away would help us all move on. It would seem that's not quite happened for all of us. I saw him and it was like I'd never left, just for a minute anyway. Kind of messed up since I have a boyfriend"

"Maybe time away is exactly what you needed to help you make the choice. You said yourself you don't feel the same about Nate. Maybe Chase is who you truly want to be with"

"No, me and Chase would never work. Besides I'm happy with Zac, I'm not about to get myself stuck in drama between two boys again either. Me and Chase are over" I felt a pang in my chest when I said the words out loud. Did I really believe that, we're we really over?